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Restless

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Been getting together with this guy for a while. Nothing official, so in theory I have nothing to complain about.
But now we've all left uni and gone our seperate ways, and I can't stop being restless over the fact that I don't really know what's going on between us and whats actually going on in his head about it all.

There's not much point to this, just needed to vent.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Write him a letter (or e-mail if you don't know his address) and ask him straight out what he wants to happen now.

    That's what I did when a guy I'd been seeing for a couple of months graduated and moved away from Bristol - writing the letter was a scary process, but I wanted to know for certain where we stood and whether he wanted to give the long distance thing a shot. It wasn't a matter of telling him I loved him (I didn't know whether I did at that stage), rather it was letting him know that he had become important to me and I thought that ending things because of 150 miles or so seemed defeatist. He did want to give the LDR thing a shot, it worked for 3 years, then I was able to move to London and moved in with him. Another 4 years on, we are just about to move into our first flat.

    You never know if you don't ask.....nothing's worse than uncertainty. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dear Wendy wrote: »
    Been getting together with this guy for a while. Nothing official, so in theory I have nothing to complain about.
    But now we've all left uni and gone our seperate ways, and I can't stop being restless over the fact that I don't really know what's going on between us and whats actually going on in his head about it all.

    There's not much point to this, just needed to vent.
    Erm, then just ask him what's happening now..?? (in a casual, relaxed, non-desperate way...)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Meryn wrote: »
    Write him a letter (or e-mail if you don't know his address) and ask him straight out what he wants to happen now.

    That's what I did when a guy I'd been seeing for a couple of months graduated and moved away from Bristol - writing the letter was a scary process, but I wanted to know for certain where we stood and whether he wanted to give the long distance thing a shot. It wasn't a matter of telling him I loved him (I didn't know whether I did at that stage), rather it was letting him know that he had become important to me and I thought that ending things because of 150 miles or so seemed defeatist. He did want to give the LDR thing a shot, it worked for 3 years, then I was able to move to London and moved in with him. Another 4 years on, we are just about to move into our first flat.

    You never know if you don't ask.....nothing's worse than uncertainty. :)

    Thing is I am not even sure that I like him enough to continue whatever it was that went on between us. If anything it was never serious enough to say we were going to 'continue' something. So making such a decision would make things way more serious than they have ever been.
    Also it's complicated as him and my friend used to be together so very few people actually know about it all, as it would just cause drama (yeah I know that I am in the wrong, but thats the way things turned out in the end). So if anything is to happen then it kinda has to be serious or people will get hurt for nothing.

    Having thought about it for a while, my restlessness is more of curiousity than anything else. I know he likes me a lot, so it's not about what he feels about me. I just want to know what he wants. I am not sure I could give him that - but I'd just like to know if he sees it as over or hopes for something but is too shy to say or even more likely just doesn't want to know in case it brings a negative answer.

    But yes I think I will ask him casually what's going on... And hopefully he'll be able to provide me with an answer :)
    Though I should probably figure out what I want before I ask.

    Not sure if any of this has made sense but cheers for the replies.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Such distance apart is often viewed to be a relationship killer but as others have suggested, a letter would be really good. I suggest you write it not with any finality but leave the future open because you never know, you might get back together again and if your relationship was strong, why assume you could part company? There always is hope. :)

    In moving to England from Greece I left Tim, a fine American-Greek whom my partner and I loved so much. But despite the distance apart our friendship is going really well and soon Tim's coming here to stay. The letter was hand-written, not typed or anything. It took me ages to write, needing to get the words straight out from my heart so he could feel them. Tim phoned me soon after. We cried at first then ended with laughter. Though no promises were made I closed the call feeling happy and hopeful.

    Poppi
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dear Wendy wrote: »
    Thing is I am not even sure that I like him enough to continue whatever it was that went on between us. If anything it was never serious enough to say we were going to 'continue' something. So making such a decision would make things way more serious than they have ever been.

    If you are ambivelent about whether you actually want anything than maybe it's best to leave it - at least as far as asking him how he feels about it all is concerned; you'll only end up leading him on otherwise.
    Dear Wendy wrote: »
    Though I should probably figure out what I want before I ask.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i suspect in the nicest possible way you only want to find out to make yourself feel more wanted / attractive - if that makes sense - if as you say you dont' really want to continue the relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are most probably right. Though I do know what he thinks of me in those term, so its not as if I need an answer regarding myself. So the question is why I am wondering as I do.
    And its not as if he means nothing and I am uninterested in how he feels. Quite the opposite. I just don't think anything realistic can happen, with the whole situation surrounding us, and also I doubt that I am serious enough, and the thing is which started this thing I have no clue about him...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh you're probably just bored. Unless you reckon you have something worth while with him I wouldn't bother. Once you're at Uni you'll meet loads of different people anyway.
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