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I really dislike my parents

245

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Well just from the few lines I've seen you write here you seem unbelievably rude and ungrateful.... how about saying "thank you" to Katchika's advice rather than "OK" for example?

    How am I being rude?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    How am I being rude?

    You don't make use of heartwarming smileys --> :razz: :blush::) :hyper:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    why do you ask?

    not sure, just something i thought from reading your posts.

    Do you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Don't worry about not having a boyfriend right now. Many people your age don't have one either.

    Also, I work on trying to make friends before etting a boyfriend.

    Thankis. But I don't think I'd ever make any friends. My personality is just not consistent with what society considers good. Besides no one has ever liked me anyhow.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    Thankis. But I don't think I'd ever make any friends. My personality is just not consistent with what society considers good. Besides no one has ever liked me anyhow.
    I know where you are coming from here, but you don't have to be the loudest in the bunch to be noticed. I personally hate the loud girls, I prefer the silent type in a group. The loudest are usually stereotyped as the worst.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    ilipintt wrote: »
    How am I being rude?

    Hey, I don't think you're being rude - you seem to be responding to people pretty well as icey mentioned.

    Things like volunteering, as Katchika mentioned, can make a big difference to lots of things in your life - can help boost your skills, social life and self-esteem. What are your interests?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i like debating.

    but I get the feeling that i just have to live with being socially undesirable and that it's my lot in life. just as people born with spins bifida learn to live with it, I have to too.

    thanks for the help everyone anyhow.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll probably find that if you make an effort, get involved with things that you'll find people to socialise with, either through an activity or solely socially.

    That said, if you've decided that you're antisocial, you will be.

    Reading your earlier posts you seem to think that you need to be sexy or desireable to have friends, that's really not the case at all.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    ilipintt wrote: »

    but I get the feeling that i just have to live with being socially undesirable and that it's my lot in life.

    I'm well aware of how cheesy this sounds, but life is a journey and it's important to allow yourself to learn and change as you experience different things. I would probably be mortified now if people still viewed me as the person I was five to ten years ago - I haven't fundamentally changed -but you never have to stop growing in life and nor should you 'put up' with being a certain way. Have to run to a meeting now, but I'll be back with more later. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, but I just think this my lot in life. Maybe I did something morally abhorrent in a past life or something..lol. Everyone will always think I'm a loser and that's just the way it is. I'll stop posting in this thread now becaus I'm sounding too mopey.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    thanks, but I just think this my lot in life. Maybe I did something morally abhorrent in a past life or something..lol. Everyone will always think I'm a loser and that's just the way it is. I'll stop posting in this thread now becaus I'm sounding too mopey.


    Don't resign to 'fate', it's the worst mistake you'll ever be able to do.

    I used to think I'd never have real friends and that I was doomed to a life of aloneness, sucky jobs and that everybody hated me. I was convinced I had no social skills and was a bad apple.

    I did go through a lot of hard work to change that about two or three years ago and for a long time I had no faith that it'd result in anything. Lo and behold, somewhere down the line I started making friends, got the courage to try new stuff I had wanted to do but didn't think I could do and now have a kick ass job where I beat over a 100 other people to get. I enjoy life so much today so the hard work more than paid off in my case. I'm not saying everything is dead easy now as socially I still have to put a lot of thought into how to do things and approach people but with every mistake or success I go through, I learn and it becomes easier and more natural.

    Life IS hard and it takes strong will and determination to get anything from it. There's nothing that has been etched in stone about your life. It's just that YOU have to be the one to want to change things and be willing to do something about it. There's people out there that can help you get the tools to do it but you are the one who is going to need to put them to use.

    I think you would benefit a whole lot from working on your self esteem, you seem to hold a negative image of yourself in your mind, one that I doubt is warranted.

    There's no need to stop posting, being able to vent on this site has helped a lot of posters on here, me included. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi ilipintt

    Just from my experience here's a few things you could try:

    One day at work how about making a determined effort to not think about how you are feeling and take an interest in how someone else is feeling - people love it when others take notice of them and listen to them and it might make you feel different about yourself.

    Also at work try doing some of the jobs that everyone else hates - I used to work in a supermarket and boy did that strategy make me popular! Another thing that could work with your job is, even if you find it boring, try doing it to the very best of your ability and take a pride in it, that's quite a good way to feel good about yourself (and if your job wasn't necessary they wouldn't pay you to do it).

    If you really dislike your parents then make a determined effort to move out - save up, do overtime, get a second job if you think you can't afford it (or a better paid job) just make it a goal. I lived in shared accommodation for years while I was on income support/casual earnings and it was fine.

    You don't say if your parents are paying for a private psychiatrist - I only ask because if you really need psychiatric help (as opposed to emotional support) you would probably get it on the NHS (I assume you're in the UK) - if they are paying a psychiatrist I would possibly wonder if they are just fobbing your difficulties onto someone else as you suspect. Are you on medication for the way you feel or are you having counselling? Could you go to your GP yourself and ask to have a different counsellor.

    Keep posting - you've got some really good responses on here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    thanks, but I just think this my lot in life. Maybe I did something morally abhorrent in a past life or something..lol. Everyone will always think I'm a loser and that's just the way it is. I'll stop posting in this thread now becaus I'm sounding too mopey.

    I think if you were being punished for something you'd done wrong in a past life it must have been something insignificant because you have the chance to change your life and most people in the world don't.
    It sounds like you need to accept that you can't get the emotional support from your parents, which could even help you in the long run. I was never given emotional support from my parents when I was younger so I had to learn to rely on myself more and now I can deal with things that others could find difficult. You know how it feels to be convinced that your life will never get anywhere so in the future you'll be able to sympathise with others who feel the sameway, and everybody does at some point.
    You should keep posting because you aren't getting support from anywhere else. Even if all you do is rant it will help. You say no one will like you because of your personality but I don't think people on here would be responding to you if we were repelled by your personality. I think Flynn was right about doing things at work that people don't like, I'm actually as annoying and boring as you can get but I've never had a problem making friends because I'll never make tea or coffee without seeing if my flatmates want one and I always e-mail my notes to people on my course who've missed lectures (unless they never turn up).
    If you don't like your job find one you do like. Is there anything you want to do? If not think about your life now, what can you live with and what do you really need to change?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll probably find that if you make an effort, get involved with things that you'll find people to socialise with, either through an activity or solely socially.

    That said, if you've decided that you're antisocial, you will be.

    Reading your earlier posts you seem to think that you need to be sexy or desireable to have friends, that's really not the case at all.

    I know i said i wouldn't post any more, but I changed my mind.

    And sorry but I don't believe that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jaloux wrote: »
    Don't resign to 'fate', it's the worst mistake you'll ever be able to do.

    I used to think I'd never have real friends and that I was doomed to a life of aloneness, sucky jobs and that everybody hated me. I was convinced I had no social skills and was a bad apple.

    I did go through a lot of hard work to change that about two or three years ago and for a long time I had no faith that it'd result in anything. Lo and behold, somewhere down the line I started making friends, got the courage to try new stuff I had wanted to do but didn't think I could do and now have a kick ass job where I beat over a 100 other people to get. I enjoy life so much today so the hard work more than paid off in my case. I'm not saying everything is dead easy now as socially I still have to put a lot of thought into how to do things and approach people but with every mistake or success I go through, I learn and it becomes easier and more natural.

    Life IS hard and it takes strong will and determination to get anything from it. There's nothing that has been etched in stone about your life. It's just that YOU have to be the one to want to change things and be willing to do something about it. There's people out there that can help you get the tools to do it but you are the one who is going to need to put them to use.

    I think you would benefit a whole lot from working on your self esteem, you seem to hold a negative image of yourself in your mind, one that I doubt is warranted.

    There's no need to stop posting, being able to vent on this site has helped a lot of posters on here, me included. :)

    Thanks a lot, and thank you for your advice.

    I hold a negative image of myself because I look at my life and see it's crappy. I have no friends because everyone seems turned off by me. I'm a joke who is not at the same emotional level as others my age. I know my crappy and pathetic personality is the cause of my problems, but I don't know how to change it. I also see everybody else at my age in relationships and getting married but there is me as some joke dimwit loner.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    flynn wrote: »
    Hi ilipintt

    Just from my experience here's a few things you could try:

    One day at work how about making a determined effort to not think about how you are feeling and take an interest in how someone else is feeling - people love it when others take notice of them and listen to them and it might make you feel different about yourself.

    Also at work try doing some of the jobs that everyone else hates - I used to work in a supermarket and boy did that strategy make me popular! Another thing that could work with your job is, even if you find it boring, try doing it to the very best of your ability and take a pride in it, that's quite a good way to feel good about yourself (and if your job wasn't necessary they wouldn't pay you to do it).

    If you really dislike your parents then make a determined effort to move out - save up, do overtime, get a second job if you think you can't afford it (or a better paid job) just make it a goal. I lived in shared accommodation for years while I was on income support/casual earnings and it was fine.

    You don't say if your parents are paying for a private psychiatrist - I only ask because if you really need psychiatric help (as opposed to emotional support) you would probably get it on the NHS (I assume you're in the UK) - if they are paying a psychiatrist I would possibly wonder if they are just fobbing your difficulties onto someone else as you suspect. Are you on medication for the way you feel or are you having counselling? Could you go to your GP yourself and ask to have a different counsellor.

    Keep posting - you've got some really good responses on here.

    Thanks also, but I'm about to give up on counselling or psychiatrists. I don't think I need one since my quality of life is not that bad.

    And about work, I'll try what you said.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good luck hon, and best wishes :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    one that I doubt is warranted

    i don't agree with that, but thanks anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    could it also be a lack of confidence and no get up and go ??? its a circle really ... no confidence - no friends/ have no way of meeting new people - makes you miserable / lonely which then causes boredom and lack of self esteem. If you could maybe get a hobby which may help you find new friends who you can then go out with - you'll prob feel happier and you might find a boyf ....... or find a new job ... either way meeting new people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks but it's no use. I know I'm a f**k and everyone hates me for being one. i feel like really ending it all since I'm just a sh*t and everyone is happy and good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    Thanks but it's no use. I know I'm a f**k and everyone hates me for being one. i feel like really ending it all since I'm just a sh*t and everyone is happy and good.
    You CAN change things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    Thanks but it's no use. I know I'm a f**k and everyone hates me for being one. i feel like really ending it all since I'm just a sh*t and everyone is happy and good.

    Not everyone is happy. There are a lot of people who are very unhappy and some of them really can't change their life. You're describing how most people feel at some point and the reason why it seems to you that their lives are better is that they stop feeling sorry for themselves and make an effort to make their lives better. No one is going to improve your life for you because they all have problems of their own so if you're not willing to at least try to help yourself stop complaining about how bad your life is. Believe me it could be much worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    You CAN change things.

    I know I cannot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not everyone is happy. There are a lot of people who are very unhappy and some of them really can't change their life. You're describing how most people feel at some point and the reason why it seems to you that their lives are better is that they stop feeling sorry for themselves and make an effort to make their lives better. No one is going to improve your life for you because they all have problems of their own so if you're not willing to at least try to help yourself stop complaining about how bad your life is. Believe me it could be much worse.

    I have a far worse life than everybody else. I'm 25 and everyone else my age goes out every weekend, is getting married, has kids already, has a good job and the rest. I have nothing to show for my life thus far. I'd be better off if I just didn't exist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You'll never change anything with a defeatish attitude. You have to be more positive. Everyone can change things if they give it a go. You've had some great advice in here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see the use. I'm the scum of all twenty somethings in our country.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I have a far worse life than everybody else. I'm 25 and everyone else my age goes out every weekend, is getting married, has kids already, has a good job and the rest. I have nothing to show for my life thus far. I'd be better off if I just didn't exist.

    People going out every weekend isnt something you can be using for an example as to other people with something going for them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I have a far worse life than everybody else. I'm 25 and everyone else my age goes out every weekend, is getting married, has kids already, has a good job and the rest. I have nothing to show for my life thus far. I'd be better off if I just didn't exist.
    If things are so bad then you can change them as other people have mentioned. Leave the country. Go do some volunteering work. Look online - there are plenty of exciting, interesting things you can do across the world, where you will have your accommodation and meals and maybe some travel paid for. It will be an immense experience, something different to what you've experienced so far. You'll meet lots of new people and some you could maybe bond with. You could gain a whole new outlook on life. Seriously do some volunteering work - well doesn't have to be volunteering but something in another country maybe, there's plenty of opportunities out there. I hope you actually look into this idea rather than brush it off with some excuse why you couldn't and carry on living as you are - there is enormous upside, and limited downside, to doing something that radical to change your life. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ilipintt wrote: »
    I don't see the use. I'm the scum of all twenty somethings in our country.
    I hope this doesn't come across as harsh but you need to stop thinking like that!
    Unless you go around killing people or whatever I doubt you're scum!
This discussion has been closed.