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how can you stop yourself loving someone?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stop having sex with him, for a start.

    He's been clear that it's just sex, but you know that is not what you want (and he knows too) so you're being taken advantage of when he wants it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He doesn't sound like much of a friend to me if he's willing to use you for sex when he knows you want more from him and it hurts you :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like g angel said stop having sex with him. Maybe reduce your contact with him and go out with other friends for a while.

    If you have that kind of relationship where you are behaving like a couple then you need to back off. He gets all the benefits of having a relationship ( including the sex ) when he needs it and still gets to be single.

    I know its hard and that I may seem harsh but the guy obviously knows its hurting you but doesn't care enough to say that he won't have sex with you because he knows its leading you on and giving you hope.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, he doesn't sound like much of a best friend if he is willing to do that to you. Either that or not a very nice guy. (Just noticed a person above has written the same as this bit).

    A one off, perhaps twice is forgivable, but to do this to you several times is taking the piss.

    You need some distance. Hanging with people when you feel strongly about them isn't going to help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    I was worried that you would say that, because when I think about it, it doesn't seem like he is much of a friend at all. I am a much better friend to him that he is to me, always there when he needs me etc............................ and all the while he was probably just using me.

    I think this sums it up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You poor thing. I was in a very similar situation with my ex and it's hard to come round to the realisation you don't mean as much to someone who means the whole world to you. You sound like a lovely person though and deserve someone who treats you as well as you treat them - you are just going to have to try really hard to be strong, move on from this guy and hold your pride and dignity together. You can do it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just find something to make yourself busy with, the gym or a hobby and put him to the back of your mind as best you can.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're doing all the right things. It is hard, but it gets easier over time (sorry for the cliche but it's true). Try to get your friends around you, as others have said keep yourself busy and you will find that each day when you wake up you think about him a little less. It's better to realise now and have to go through the pain of getting over him than letting things carry on indefinitely - imagine if he was to get a girlfriend while you two were still sleeping together (which he could do, as technically he is single). At least now you have the chance to cut your losses and get out with your pride intact. I would also advise cutting contact with him as much as possible - if anyone mentions it just say you had a falling out or something, it's your business so you shouldn't feel the need to explain it to anyone.

    As I said before, yes it will be hard. Give yourself time to cry and don't beat yourself up about it if you do, be kind to yourself and while I advise going out and having fun make sure you get plenty of sleep and "me-time". I got through it and you will too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Stop having sex with him, for a start.

    He's been clear that it's just sex, but you know that is not what you want (and he knows too) so you're being taken advantage of when he wants it.
    Don't blame the guy, its 2 consenting adults (i hope), he is doing everything right by being honest and up-front that it is sex and nothing more, if she goes through with it knowing that she wants more then there is no-one to blame but herself, he certainly isn't taking advantage of her in my opinion.

    I agree with the first bit; you have to stop having sex with him for these feelings to start to go away, otherwise everytime you have sex its back to square one.

    Ya never know if you keep rejecting him he may just come around to your way of thinking and realise he wants something more than sex, while ever your sleeping with him his views will not change.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks StupidGirl :)

    I didn't mention the worst part. He does have a girlfriend. He's been cheating on her with me. And apparently, he loves her. Which seems unlikely given what he's been doing with me. But I have to deal with him telling me he will never love me, because he loves her.

    Writing it out like this, he's a total wanker!

    I'm an idiot.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    Thanks StupidGirl :)

    I didn't mention the worst part. He does have a girlfriend. He's been cheating on her with me. And apparently, he loves her. Which seems unlikely given what he's been doing with me. But I have to deal with him telling me he will never love me, because he loves her.

    Writing it out like this, he's a total wanker!

    I'm an idiot.

    You can still love somebody and cheat on them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't blame the guy, its 2 consenting adults (i hope), he is doing everything right by being honest and up-front that it is sex and nothing more, if she goes through with it knowing that she wants more then there is no-one to blame but herself, he certainly isn't taking advantage of her in my opinion.

    I'm not just blaming the guy, she did indeed consent - BUT he knows how she feels, and knows that she will happily have sex with him because of this, and so can get it when he wants, which is taking advantage of.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jamelia wrote: »
    I think I agree with this. He has never lied to me, I knew what I was doing. He might not be a very nice person, but it's my fault just a smuch as his.
    Things slightly different now you mentioned he has a girl.

    It makes him even worse and it makes you even worse as well but still things no more his fault than yours.

    Hope things work out for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is a hard one. I tend to think when someone is cheating on their partner that they are more at fault than the one who they're cheating with (if that person's single)...because they are leading someone on and deceiving their partner. Obviously though that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things...the main thing is that you (and his girlfriend if she ever finds out) are in line to get hurt so the best thing is to get out. If anything, have pity on his girlfriend. He may be telling you the truth, but she quite clearly doesn't have a clue what's going on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    I'm not just blaming the guy, she did indeed consent - BUT he knows how she feels, and knows that she will happily have sex with him because of this, and so can get it when he wants, which is taking advantage of.
    Well I dis-agree :)
    If this is the case then she is agreeing to be taken advantage of and I doubt that, I believe she is having sex with him in the hope that everytime he will turn round after and say "that was wonderful baby, I love you so so much, be with me forever", that in my opinion isn't being taken advantage of!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I dis-agree :)

    *draws pistols and starts pacing*


    HOW DARE YOU DISAGREE!

    ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    *draws pistols and starts pacing*


    HOW DARE YOU DISAGREE!

    ;)

    :nervous: ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In reponse to the thread title, a wise friend of mine abides by the rule that the best way to get over a man is to get under another one...:flirt:

    However, this isn't always the best advice and I'd don't recommend everyone follows it! Sometimes we just can't help how we feel about someone else no matter that we can see that they aren't good for us or things aren't going to work out but it's easier to step back and see these things than to actually take our own advice and stay away. Either you let time run it's course and you'll most likely meet a better suited partner in time or you roll with it and see if things change between you two.

    Hope it works out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's probably a good idea to cut ties completely between you two. It may not be what you want, but there's probably not much else you can do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I read seems like you can't handle the kind of non-exclusive physical relationship between the two of you while he can. That is almost always detrimental to the one not handling it, so even if it might be a hard thing to do, cut off all contact. It's hard when someone doesn't want to be with you, but you will benefit from it in the long run.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jeez, sounds like a pretty uneven relationship. It's best just to go cold turkey. Forget the guy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wanted to post this adorable chinchilla in your thread

    Royal-Persian-Angora-Chinch.jpg

    I hope you don't mind too much.
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