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torn between two sides of the family :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

hii i'm Grace, i'm 17.
my dad recently passed away in april. he had a heart attack out of the blue at the age of 50. i am completely devestated.

at the time of his death, my mum and dad were going through a messy seperation. they couldn't properly seperate from each other until the house we were living in was sold. and after 2 years, it finally did in march of this year. as you can imagine it was 2 years of arguin and fighting between them which made me feel awful as it was. i went to live with my mum and sister in a nearby town. and my dad lived on his own in the next town from us.

to be honest, my dad wasn't the best in the seperation, as he was quite nasty to my mum when talking to his friends or family. so the only impression of her they have is what my dad has said. but the only reason my dad was the way he was is because he was so upset and angry. but after the seperation and moving out of the house, they had there own space, and started to get on. my dad would come over to the house and visit a couple times a week and visit. and my mum even suggested us all planning a holiday together. because of the situation, they felt no need for the divorce.

he had moved into his house 2 weeks before he died. he was diabetic and previously when he got sick, my mum was always there to help. this time she wasn't, and he didnt phone or anything. all we knew is on the wednesday he told the neighbour he had come home sick from work. and the following friday my mum and a few family friends found him collapsed on the landing of his house. i can't help feel guilty that i wasn't there for him. he just should have rung for help.

because my parents weren't divorced, my mum will rightfully inherit all of my dad's money and house, which to be fair is quite alot. of course, all of my dad's family have gone mad about it because of they way my dad spoke about my mum. they are making my mum's life hell. and because of that, it's upsetting me and my sister too.

my dad had previously gone through depression, and none of his family were there to support him. just my mum, shes always been so good to him. but now theres money involved, all of my uncles feel they are more involved in my dad's life, more than my mum even though they were married for 25 years.
my grandad (dad's father) the day after we found my dad's body, came to see my mum and blamed her for my dad's death, saying 'if it wasn't for her, he would still be alive'

we also held an event in memory of my dad this weekend, and i was stood with my mum. my uncle's girlfriend decided to come up to my mum and told her to leave the event because she has no right being there. i was so upset cause my mum knew my dad better than anyone else. and if it wasn't for my mum, me and my sister wouldnt have been able to be there.

my uncle's girlfriend then decided to suck up to me when id walked off upset, saying that they are fighting for me n my sister, tryin to make out that MY MUM is a bad mum, the one that has brought me up for 17 years.

im just not an argumentative person though, so im feeling stressed out for not defending myself or my mum and what i feel. i'm too scared to say anything because i don't want to fall out with my dad's side of the family, especially my grandma.

i feel like all this arguing shouldn't be going on. its a time to be remembering my dad, not arguing over his money.

i feel so much better for getting it off of my chest. my friends are so hard to talk to about it because they dont see past how much i'm going to inherit.

to be fair, id rather have my dad back any day. i miss him so much!

i would really appreciate some support, thankyou x


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through Grace, to a certain extent I can relate to you as my Dad passed away two years ago quite suddenly when I was 23, it is too young to lose a parent and you have to grow up very quickly in such a horrible situation.

    Death is such a strange thing, on the one hand you have the loss to deal with and on the other side, the more practical aspect of everything, i.e. property, money etc. I wonder whether sometimes people cannot control their emotions and the only control they can have over a situation like this is to do with the money side of things, which is why such large arguements can ensue. This may not be the case with your Dad's family and I appreciate you mentioned they were not there during his earlier depression however it is worth considering that things may settle down with time.

    Your Mum is lucky to have you close by her, regardless of whether they were together or not you have shown that they shared a lot of history, great memories and ultimately, you and your sister. I was so grateful that my brother and I were old enough to help pull my Mum through during the darkest times. If we had been younger she would not only have had to deal with herself but us as well.

    You have to also remember that at the end of the day the person you should look out for is you, you have to grieve for the loss of your Dad and it is a different experience for everyone. Try not to immerse yourself too much in everyone elses problems and remember to look after yourself as number one.

    *huge hugs

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thankyou so so much. i appreciate your support so much. i understand what you mean, my main priority is looking after my sister as she is still only young, and both of us together supporting my mum. and hopefully it will all get so much easier as time goes on, and maybe my family can consider how my mum is feeling, and the effect it has on me n my sister what they say to my mum.

    again, thankyou so much! :heart: x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You need to look after your sister and support your mum, while allowing yourslef to grieve as well. Death and grief does make people do and say funny things, but its unfair for you to be dragged into your familys arguements. Hold you head high and dont get involved with the mud slinging.
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