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How to ask a girl out

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
rightio, about a 3 weeks ago i broke up with my gf (now ex)
well
tbh, she broke up with me, i spent 1 week at home just sitting around doing nothing cos i felt shit about myself, the next week i started to go out and have a laugh with me friends, last week i went on holiday and i've now started to feel better about myself and that my ex probaly had a good reason to break up with me

any way more to the point i've fallen for a girl that i've been friends with for a while, when i was in a relasitionship i knew i had feelings for her but because i was with someone i didn't act on it, i now have spent a bit of time with her but none since i got back, i think she knows i have feelings for her but i don't know whether she feels the same way about me

I just really wanted a few tips on how to approch asking her out, i've worked out from past experinces not to use chat up lines and to be myself around her but other than that i've not really got much experince asking girls out

any tips would be great

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As I've learnt recently, you can totally freak a girl out by telling her you like her (particularly anything OTT that you're really into her or crazy about her), or mention that you'd love to go out with / date her / have a relationship. You're much better off asking her out to dinner, you can do this innocently in a way where its ambiguous whether or not its friendship or a date, move onto a bar/dancefloor after, and then if she feels the same way you do it'll be clear and things will happen, if not that will also be clear.. Just my 2 cents, anyone agree/disagree?

    (I fucked things up with a girl I slept with this weekend by telling her today I really liked her and wanted to date her, this freaked her out so now she wants to just be friends, whereas if I hadn't said anything we'd have maybe carried on with whatever was going on).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    You're much better off asking her out to dinner

    considering that i'm 16 i'm not sure how well that would go
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curly_boy wrote: »
    considering that i'm 16 i'm not sure how well that would go
    I took many a girl to Pizza Hut when I was 16! :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I took many a girl to Pizza Hut when I was 16! :D

    fair enough
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One piece of advice I can give you is don't waste any time and energy being ambiguous. It won't work doing it old school, "slowly but surely". Go straight to the point without being too abrupt. Next time you see her give her hints and I don't mean verbal hints. You need to develop the physicality of the relationship because from what it looks like you both get on well on a verbal basis. Now you need to develop the physical side of it by being touchy-feely with her. Don't hesitate to TOUCH HER (subtly and in a light way of course!) so she feels confortable with you. If she responds well to all this then you can tell her you like her without the risk of shocking her. And the only way you can tell a girl you like her is by being completely honest with her and telling her you like her. She'll either say she likes you back, or if she rejects you at least she'll appreciate the honestly and you won't feel like you wasted too much time and energy. Not to mention the 15 quid you'll waste buying her food and beverage, if that's how you do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "hiya, you ok? would you want to go somewhere for somethi9gn to eat or something this week?"

    is that so hard?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I took many a girl to Pizza Hut when I was 16! :D

    I took my first love to Pizza Hut for our 1 year anniversary. :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    As I've learnt recently, you can totally freak a girl out by telling her you like her (particularly anything OTT that you're really into her or crazy about her), or mention that you'd love to go out with / date her / have a relationship. You're much better off asking her out to dinner, you can do this innocently in a way where its ambiguous whether or not its friendship or a date, move onto a bar/dancefloor after, and then if she feels the same way you do it'll be clear and things will happen, if not that will also be clear.. Just my 2 cents, anyone agree/disagree?

    (I fucked things up with a girl I slept with this weekend by telling her today I really liked her and wanted to date her, this freaked her out so now she wants to just be friends, whereas if I hadn't said anything we'd have maybe carried on with whatever was going on).

    Yup - sometimes the best way is to just let things happen. Saying that, it's been YEARS since I actually said anything along the lines of "i'd like to date you" etc etc. I think I left that behind at college. At 17. :D

    Just go with the flow, and if things will happen, they will. Always the best way, IMO.

    Also, if you do it that way, it's done very casually, and so the initial time spent together isn't too often which means you are able to date multiple partners; always the way I liked it as I was rarely looking for anything serious. If something then developed with one girl in particular, I was then able to break things off with the others without too much heart ache. I think this happened three times in the last 6 years, so it's a good tack if you're wanting to, err, keep your options open. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just say

    I like you. Do you like me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CoolMiguel wrote: »
    Just say

    I like you. Do you like me?

    :yes: I find that very respectable - having the courage to say it. As a lass, I would find that easy to respond to with a certain yes or a round about thing about just being friends. And then if things feel comfortable you should be able to laugh things off and arrange a night out or let it diffuse itself.

    Too the point is best - not mess about it's annoying! :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Ashley* wrote: »
    :yes: I find that very respectable - having the courage to say it. As a lass, I would find that easy to respond to with a certain yes or a round about thing about just being friends. And then if things feel comfortable you should be able to laugh things off and arrange a night out or let it diffuse itself.

    Too the point is best - not mess about it's annoying! :razz:

    Ashley I like you. Do you like me?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CoolMiguel wrote: »
    Ashley I like you. Do you like me?

    Yes I do. Shall we fuck?


    :chin: doesn't work with typing :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    emilio87 wrote: »
    One piece of advice I can give you is don't waste any time and energy being ambiguous. It won't work doing it old school, "slowly but surely". Go straight to the point without being too abrupt.
    Really can't agree. There's an endless number of girls I've hooked up with by just playing it a bit cool and starting off ambiguous, rather than making it clear from the offset I fancy them which can just freak them out / scare them away. There's plenty of girls I just casually asked out to dinner in a way they have no reason to say no, then at dinner if there's chemistry especially if moving onto a dancefloor after with plenty of drinking (I know the OP's only 16 so not so relevant) things happen, if there isn't a spark things don't. There's plenty of girls I've pulled, slept with, dated and had relationships by doing this, who may have just said 'no' straightaway before a first date if they knew what my intention was and it wasn't something they'd be keen on - but then when on the 'date' they could change their mind.
    emilio87 wrote:
    Not to mention the 15 quid you'll waste buying her food and beverage, if that's how you do it.
    No, because if you do it ambiguously like this, if there's no chemistry and she thinks its just as friends she'll offer to pay half. And she may offer to pay half anyway.

    Off-topic, I love going to dinners with people, either expensive dinner dates with girls who are nice that I pay for a nice meal, or with friends where we split the bill, then I take the receipt and expense the whole thing as a client dinner :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I personally would go straight to the point with the girl but I guess different people do it differently. So long as you ask the girl out though, I think whichever way you do it, if she likes you she'll accept, if she doesn't she won't. It all depends on how you do it and if you're comfortable with the way you're doing it, and needless to say, it also depends on the girl. I'm sure every girl reacts differently and there isn't a "right way" to ask a girl out...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    emilio87 wrote: »
    there isn't a "right way" to ask a girl out...

    :yes: everyone has a different way of asking someone out, as you can see from above. none of them are wrong..as long as you have a point to what you say it doesnt matter. something as easy as.." hey, fancy goin out for a coffee sometime?" short, simple and to the point.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cool
    Thanks for the advice all

    just another quick question
    is there anyway to help build my confidnce before i ask her?
    I no i should have asked her by now but i wanna do it in person rather than msn or phone etc

    and before anyone says some alchole, i'm an ass when i'm drunk and i wanna make a good impression when i ask her
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to her on msn for a bit and then ask her to got to McDonalds with you - Pizza Hut is far tooo formal (and potentiall expensive) if your not sure where you stand - if when your out togeather your both getting on really well and talking lots with no long pauses and generally having a good time - then i dunno ask if she wants to hang out with you some more - like the park or something.

    Otherwise if it doesn't look like things are going well and it all turns a bit akward then your probably not made for each other.

    Your only other option could be to talk to her and if things are going well launch yourself at her at a teenage party (do people still have those?)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    curly_boy wrote: »
    rightio, about a 3 weeks ago i broke up with my gf (now ex)
    well
    tbh, she broke up with me, i spent 1 week at home just sitting around doing nothing cos i felt shit about myself, the next week i started to go out and have a laugh with me friends, last week i went on holiday and i've now started to feel better about myself and that my ex probaly had a good reason to break up with me

    any way more to the point i've fallen for a girl that i've been friends with for a while, when i was in a relasitionship i knew i had feelings for her but because i was with someone i didn't act on it, i now have spent a bit of time with her but none since i got back, i think she knows i have feelings for her but i don't know whether she feels the same way about me

    I just really wanted a few tips on how to approch asking her out, i've worked out from past experinces not to use chat up lines and to be myself around her but other than that i've not really got much experince asking girls out

    any tips would be great

    Girls are human too. Just be yourself and act naturally.
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