Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

How much do you need attention/interest to feel good?

2»

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Recently, I've been gaining more interest from men and women than usual and I find it flattering, but my happiness does not rest on this. I don't need it to feel good. Sexual attention doesn't actually phase me that much, though flirting can be fun... At the end of the day though, when somebody tries to pick you up, they are offering a trade of objectification (in my view)...

    I much prefer attention from people who like me for who I am inside.

    As for being liked... If people have a problem with me, it's their problem, not mine. I don't go out of my way to be what I'm not. I don't go out of my way to hurt people and those who I care about know that.

    Most comments shoot right over my head... Apart from being called "charming"... That always makes me crack a grin. :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Surely its all relative. If you're someone with a very active sexlife like me you can feel down if no sex / chances of sex on the horizon for a couple of weeks. Whereas if you barely get any action in the first place you're not going to be so 'gagging for it'.

    At least I don't desperately need a relationship / girlfriend to feel good. Just passionately kissing someone (even just a random at a club) I feel can be such a great feeling. But even that's not so guaranteed when going out these days it seems.

    But that's the thing.

    Many people lead an active sex life, and I'm sure they don't get down if they don't get any for a very short while (even if they may get a little sexually frustrated). I know I don't, and I don't think anybody else I know does.

    It shouldn't matter, to put it simply, as it is effectively a luxury good (if we're looking at it in a different sense). I don't get down because I've not had a bottle of champagne for a week, for example, even though I do enjoy a tipple.

    I think frustration is felt by people that don't get any for a bit, but to feel down about it...? It's not a case of relative.

    Passionately kissing somebody (and the rest) is indeed a good feeling, but it's not something that should affect you emotionally if you haven't in a week or two.


    To look at my life in this context. I'd slept with 10 people by about April this year, which was very entertaining, but the previous year due to working commitments (I was never at home, always shifting around the place) I only slept with around 8 across the whole year. During the periods between various partners (some were one night stands, others I saw a few times) I didn't give a monkeys. It was great when I did get some action, but when I didn't it just didn't (and doesn't) matter. I don't need the gratification in between, nor the attention. It's just not important in the grand scheme of things so it shouldn't bring you down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Surely its all relative. If you're someone with a very active sexlife like me you can feel down if no sex / chances of sex on the horizon for a couple of weeks. Whereas if you barely get any action in the first place you're not going to be so 'gagging for it'.

    At least I don't desperately need a relationship / girlfriend to feel good. Just passionately kissing someone (even just a random at a club) I feel can be such a great feeling. But even that's not so guaranteed when going out these days it seems.

    I know what i don't like about you now, you belittle people who don't have the same view and force your opinions on them because you are insecure.

    I feel, you're delusional. Your bubble(delusion) revolves around you and your insecurity, if you feel insecure(not getting enough attention) you feel to be accepted you have to sleep with people, i don't believe you enjoy the sex, you're more interested in what people will say when you tell your "friends" what you did. You have sex for the sake of the attention it brings.

    With this delusion, you belittle others who are comfortable with themselves by trying to say "i'm not insecure, i'm just used to more sex than you".

    You specifically don't need a relationship to feel good because a relationship does not bring attention yet you fail to see that relationships are for secure people because you've deluded yourself into thinking you're better than everyone else because you think you have more sex.

    I personally feel you're hook line and sinker into a world where people look at you and shake their heads. Judging by your posts there's nothing special about you apart from a pedantic need to ramble possessively on these boards creating threads which serve no purpose other than to hopelessly convince yourself that you're not a loser.

    You believe your saving grace to be sex but if we're honest we all know the only sex you have is nibbling some tarts earlobe on a barstool because smart girls smell your insecurity the second they hear you say "i never buy girls a drink".

    If you think floating around a club all night means you're a winner in social circles be my guest but if you take anything from this you should know that being insecure and needing "action":rolleyes: is cool, but being an insecure attention whore and belittling/forcing your opinions on others i detrimental to your health but i'm sure you're the first one out the back door when you're told you talk a load of bollocks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what i don't like about you now, you belittle people who don't have the same view and force your opinions on them because you are insecure.

    I feel, you're delusional. Your bubble(delusion) revolves around you and your insecurity, if you feel insecure(not getting enough attention) you feel to be accepted you have to sleep with people, i don't believe you enjoy the sex, you're more interested in what people will say when you tell your "friends" what you did. You have sex for the sake of the attention it brings.

    With this delusion, you belittle others who are comfortable with themselves by trying to say "i'm not insecure, i'm just used to more sex than you".

    You specifically don't need a relationship to feel good because a relationship does not bring attention yet you fail to see that relationships are for secure people because you've deluded yourself into thinking you're better than everyone else because you think you have more sex.

    I personally feel you're hook line and sinker into a world where people look at you and shake their heads. Judging by your posts there's nothing special about you apart from a pedantic need to ramble possessively on these boards creating threads which serve no purpose other than to hopelessly convince yourself that you're not a loser.

    You believe your saving grace to be sex but if we're honest we all know the only sex you have is nibbling some tarts earlobe on a barstool because smart girls smell your insecurity the second they hear you say "i never buy girls a drink".

    If you think floating around a club all night means you're a winner in social circles be my guest but if you take anything from this you should know that being insecure and needing "action":rolleyes: is cool, but being an insecure attention whore and belittling/forcing your opinions on others i detrimental to your health but i'm sure you're the first one out the back door when you're told you talk a load of bollocks.
    You know, by a long way the most frustrating thing about this site is when people make assertions and assumptions about me, and when reading them I know very well it couldn't possibly be further from the truth. Most people (with the exception of g_angel) who've attempted some sort of psycho-analysis of me couldn't be further wrong. You've epitomised that.

    1. I don't need general 'attention'. I don't need to be 'popular'. As I put in a different thread, I actually don't like being 'popular' because it gives me hassle from people I don't like and would rather be more anonymous. I just want attention in a sexual context, not a general social one.

    2. You're completely wrong, friends really don't give a shit how many people I've slept with or what my weekend antics are. Sure its fun if you're out and about with your mates and you get lucky, but I never boast to people when asked "How was your weekend mate?" responding "Mate I fucked x and y" because (a) it can make friends feel worse if they're not getting any, (b) the ones that are couldn't give a fuck really.

    3. You're wrong that a relationship doesn't bring attention. That's total bollocks with my friends. Everyone (to greater or lesser extents) pulls and shags so that's not a big deal, actually getting into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is more of a big deal that brings more attention. Whereas I've explicitly said I don't care about wanting a relationship. So much for your assumption.

    4. To say I don't enjoy the sex is beyond ridiculous as an assumption given you don't know me. As I put in a previous post, I love kissing. Passionate kissing is enough to 'float my boat'. Sex is fine but I don't always need to fuck girls, can happily go back to someone's and fool around without sex. I do love blowjobs though, the whole concept I find very erotic. Not that its your business but to assert I don't enjoy the sex is just stupid of you.

    5. I only get tarts and no smart girls would touch me? Last girl I was going out with had a PhD in Astrophysics, an IQ of 180. But no wait, that doesn't mean she's "smart" does it? And of course I'm just making that up aren't I? And yeah the only girls who are at barstools must be dumb tarts eh? You absolute fucking moron.

    6. How is it remotely "insecure" to not like to pay for girls' drinks? I think its a totally chumpish thing to do. The occasional dinner date or drink fine, but why the fuck should I have to pay for everything, if we're both earning? Cos its "gentlemanly"? No, its chumpish, we're in the 21st century where there's supposedly equality yet people think the guys should pay for everything. Its actually a brilliant line if you know how to play it, they then (a) buy the drinks (you can buy the second round) and (b) they very often love the chat, boldness etc.

    7. Don't agree that I'm "forcing" my opinions down other's throats. This is an advice site, so I give what my personal advice is. And I've frequently clarified that with phrases like "this may not be so appropriate for you given", "if anyone else could back me up then" / "do others agree or disagree".

    Anyway, reading criticism someone's written about you largely through assertions / assumptions you know for a fact are completely not the case, is very frustrating.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what i don't like about you now, you belittle people who don't have the same view and force your opinions on them because you are insecure.

    I feel, you're delusional. Your bubble(delusion) revolves around you and your insecurity, if you feel insecure(not getting enough attention) you feel to be accepted you have to sleep with people, i don't believe you enjoy the sex, you're more interested in what people will say when you tell your "friends" what you did. You have sex for the sake of the attention it brings.

    With this delusion, you belittle others who are comfortable with themselves by trying to say "i'm not insecure, i'm just used to more sex than you".

    You specifically don't need a relationship to feel good because a relationship does not bring attention yet you fail to see that relationships are for secure people because you've deluded yourself into thinking you're better than everyone else because you think you have more sex.

    I personally feel you're hook line and sinker into a world where people look at you and shake their heads. Judging by your posts there's nothing special about you apart from a pedantic need to ramble possessively on these boards creating threads which serve no purpose other than to hopelessly convince yourself that you're not a loser.

    You believe your saving grace to be sex but if we're honest we all know the only sex you have is nibbling some tarts earlobe on a barstool because smart girls smell your insecurity the second they hear you say "i never buy girls a drink".

    If you think floating around a club all night means you're a winner in social circles be my guest but if you take anything from this you should know that being insecure and needing "action":rolleyes: is cool, but being an insecure attention whore and belittling/forcing your opinions on others i detrimental to your health but i'm sure you're the first one out the back door when you're told you talk a load of bollocks.

    Wow mate - harsh.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    g_angel wrote: »
    Wow mate - harsh.

    Yes, I agree - very harsh, rude and actually pretty offensive. It is not acceptable to post such accusations about someone you 'assume' to know about on a message board. :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Surely its all relative. If you're someone with a very active sexlife like me you can feel down if no sex / chances of sex on the horizon for a couple of weeks. Whereas if you barely get any action in the first place you're not going to be so 'gagging for it'.

    See, I get grumpy and easily annoyed if I haven't had sex for a while, but that's just sexual frustration kicking in rather than it being what makes me happy and content.

    I love my life - decent job and prospects, owning my own house, good friends, family that love me etc. It's having those and the stability that makes me happy in life. I don't need anyone else in my life in anyway to be happy. However, this is a fairly recent "discovery" so to speak.

    I remember 6 years or so ago after I'd split up with an ex. I was devastated and the only thing that seemed to make me happy was having physical contact with other people. I had numerous one night stands, odd short relationships but in the end actually came out of it feeling worse and with no self belief or self confidence. So I went on to having a series of longish term relationships and pretty much went from one of them to another with a few one night stands in the middle of each just to keep me going. It was an insecurity of being on my own and being lonely and miserable and a want of attention to make me feel that I was attractive and so on.

    It wasn't till the last 7 months or so that I was single for that I realised just how much I've got in life and that in reality I have everything I need to make me happy. TBH I've had probably the best few months of my life recently and it's through the knowledge that I'm happy in me, for who I am and what I've got. I just hope I remember this as my new relationship progresses and I don't fall back into the trap of having someone there for happiness.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kazbo wrote: »
    See, I get grumpy and easily annoyed if I haven't had sex for a while, but that's just sexual frustration kicking in rather than it being what makes me happy and content.

    I love my life - decent job and prospects, owning my own house, good friends, family that love me etc. It's having those and the stability that makes me happy in life. I don't need anyone else in my life in anyway to be happy. However, this is a fairly recent "discovery" so to speak.

    I remember 6 years or so ago after I'd split up with an ex. I was devastated and the only thing that seemed to make me happy was having physical contact with other people. I had numerous one night stands, odd short relationships but in the end actually came out of it feeling worse and with no self belief or self confidence. So I went on to having a series of longish term relationships and pretty much went from one of them to another with a few one night stands in the middle of each just to keep me going. It was an insecurity of being on my own and being lonely and miserable and a want of attention to make me feel that I was attractive and so on.

    It wasn't till the last 7 months or so that I was single for that I realised just how much I've got in life and that in reality I have everything I need to make me happy. TBH I've had probably the best few months of my life recently and it's through the knowledge that I'm happy in me, for who I am and what I've got. I just hope I remember this as my new relationship progresses and I don't fall back into the trap of having someone there for happiness.

    Tinkler - could this suggest that you're not quite over the split from your ex a few months ago? You were together quite a while, and you still may not have dealt with/adjusted to life without her. Just a thought.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really like it when I get really nice compliments when people actually mean it. Especially from people you've just met. But that doesn't happen very often.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Tinkler - could this suggest that you're not quite over the split from your ex a few months ago? You were together quite a while, and you still may not have dealt with/adjusted to life without her. Just a thought.
    Nah not really mate.. yeah its been a bit hard getting used to cooking, cleaning, ironing etc on my own but don't miss her or regret the breakup. I'm not actually wanting a proper relationship right now because as I mentioned before I'd want to properly settle down age 28-30 ideally, right now I'm not ready at all and wouldn't want to find Miss Perfect, don't feel ready.. would rather on having experience with lots more girls through my 20s first. Its purely just about wanting to make the very most of life again packing as much in as possible.. like tonight I'm shattered but still wanna go out, every night I don't go out I feel is a wasted opportunity, could be out there instead hooking up with the thousands of hot single girls drinking tonight in London town. All about making the most of life and not wasting a second. I humbly await The "I don't believe you enjoy the sex" Nameless. What a tool.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kazbo wrote: »
    I love my life - decent job and prospects, owning my own house, good friends, family that love me etc. It's having those and the stability that makes me happy in life. I don't need anyone else in my life in anyway to be happy. However, this is a fairly recent "discovery" so to speak.

    I remember 6 years or so ago after I'd split up with an ex. I was devastated and the only thing that seemed to make me happy was having physical contact with other people. I had numerous one night stands, odd short relationships but in the end actually came out of it feeling worse and with no self belief or self confidence. So I went on to having a series of longish term relationships and pretty much went from one of them to another with a few one night stands in the middle of each just to keep me going. It was an insecurity of being on my own and being lonely and miserable and a want of attention to make me feel that I was attractive and so on.

    It wasn't till the last 7 months or so that I was single for that I realised just how much I've got in life and that in reality I have everything I need to make me happy. TBH I've had probably the best few months of my life recently and it's through the knowledge that I'm happy in me, for who I am and what I've got. I just hope I remember this as my new relationship progresses and I don't fall back into the trap of having someone there for happiness.
    I seem to be exactly where you were 6 years ago dear. On paper (well, say a Facebook profile), people think I'm the happiest person they know - I also have a "decent job and prospects, owning my own house, good friends, family that love me" - in reality, NONE of that makes me happy. Because I take all those for granted because they're all boxes which are permanently ticked so never think of them, and its lovelife the only thing variant in my life hence my whole happiness is decided by that. If I was unemployable, didn't have friends etc that would be the cause of my unhappyness too for sure. I seem to be going through what you did re one night stands and stuff after a relationship, hopefully in future I'll emulate your path of what makes you happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    like tonight I'm shattered but still wanna go out, every night I don't go out I feel is a wasted opportunity, could be out there instead hooking up with the thousands of hot single girls drinking tonight in London town. All about making the most of life and not wasting a second. I humbly await The "I don't believe you enjoy the sex" Nameless. What a tool.

    I'm a tool? You think you're making the most of life by jumping at every opportunity to sleep with a girl.

    Why don't you face the music and learn to have fun without shagging the unknown.

    If i don't believe you enjoy sex, it's not because i've got a grudge against you, it's because what you're saying makes me believe it. It's coming from your own words.

    A large proportion of what i was talking about was to take you down a peg but at the same time let you in on the fact that you're deluded. You don't see your own nature. You titled this thread "how much attention do you need" and try to tell other people why they don't need attention.

    If you want to talk about yourself why don't you concentrate on why you do need attention instead of trying to convince others why it's so good to be like you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I seem to be exactly where you were 6 years ago dear. On paper (well, say a Facebook profile), people think I'm the happiest person they know - I also have a "decent job and prospects, owning my own house, good friends, family that love me" - in reality, NONE of that makes me happy. Because I take all those for granted because they're all boxes which are permanently ticked so never think of them, and its lovelife the only thing variant in my life hence my whole happiness is decided by that. If I was unemployable, didn't have friends etc that would be the cause of my unhappyness too for sure. I seem to be going through what you did re one night stands and stuff after a relationship, hopefully in future I'll emulate your path of what makes you happy.

    The big difference between where you are and I was 6 years ago is I didn't have that stability - I was unemployed, had quit uni for the ex, moved back home where none of my friends were and my life had basically been him...I really did feel like I had nothing. Tbh it was probably the lack of stability in life why I lost my self confidence whilst sleeping around. I've slept with countless people over the last few months and each one has been good fun in it's own right but has never left me feeling used and then thrown away even though it's been much the same as 6 years ago.

    If you truely think about it though do you really feel completely miserable just because you have a few weeks of no attention or is it more a feeling that something is missing that completes life?

    Relationships of any form/length to me are the "icing on the cake" so to speak...they're the thing which makes a great life into a brilliant life but it isn't needed to get on and live a really fulfilling life. I really do think that perhaps you're kidding yourself slightly that you don't want a relationship...I'm not saying that you're ready to settle down and all that, more just the company and warmth you get from having someone show you attention and be able to give it back.

    I also don't really believe that inside you aren't happy without attention. Whilst we take for granted stability of things like jobs, friends etc, it's that equilibrium that keeps life ticking over as we like it. It might not be what constantly keeps a smile on your face but it is in it's own way keeping you happy. It's the things we take for granted that we'd miss most in life if they were suddenly taken away from us and then we really would be miserable.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What everyone else has said really. It would be silly to suggest that attention from the opposite sex doesn't give you a little confidence boost, and that negative attention doesn't make you feel a bit shit, but I think it's a problem when your entire self-worth is based on what others think of you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kazbo wrote: »



    Relationships of any form/length to me are the "icing on the cake" so to speak...they're the thing which makes a great life into a brilliant life but it isn't needed to get on and live a really fulfilling life. I really do think that perhaps you're kidding yourself slightly that you don't want a relationship...I'm not saying that you're ready to settle down and all that, more just the company and warmth you get from having someone show you attention and be able to give it back.

    Agreed. I believe there could be some truth in this.

    I think the fact that in the other thread, Tinkler took but one or two days to tell a girl he'd slept with over the weekend that he really liked her and wanted to date her (which unfortunately scared her off) speaks volumes to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I need at least some attention from my the people around me to feel content.

    I always try to keep in touch with friends over the holidays, phoning them and meeting for drinks, but I often feel that I care more about my friends than they care about me, which is a destructive thought. Sometimes I feel that if I didn't make the effort, no one would bother to contact me.

    It's mostly the same with girls, I'm usually the one contacting them. It seems the girls who I like aren't that fussed about me, and the girls who are keen on me, I'm not that fussed about, so swings and round-a-bouts.

    As for sex, yeah I love it, but also I like to feel wanted and that someone gives damn.

    Ah well. If life were easy, it would be boring.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Really needing attention from others in order to feel good about yourself would appear to point to a lack of self-esteem. I think everyone to some extent needs and appreciates attention from others but to depend on this to define how your life is going and how you feel about yourself is worrying. I think you need to think about what this attention means to you...do you use it an indicator of your self-worth since everything else is going well and you already take that for granted, maybe this is how you judge how well your life is going?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Agreed. I believe there could be some truth in this.

    I think the fact that in the other thread, Tinkler took but one or two days to tell a girl he'd slept with over the weekend that he really liked her and wanted to date her (which unfortunately scared her off) speaks volumes to me.
    Heh. I've learnt an awful lot this week. In the past if there was a girl I really liked I wanted her to be my gf asap. This episode taught me I don't actually need that at all, don't really care about dating / relationship / girlfriend tags, just want to have 'fun' more than platonic friendship with girls. Fortunately it seems salvageable though, by her saying she wanted to be 'just friends' doesn't seem to rule out occasionally pulling / sleeping with her still, she still wants to see me again for dinner/drinks this weekend..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a tool? You think you're making the most of life by jumping at every opportunity to sleep with a girl.

    Why don't you face the music and learn to have fun without shagging the unknown.
    You're getting this totally wrong. My philosophy of making the most of life relates to everything - academic, career, personal, health, social, sexual. I feel I've achieved / am achieving all the rest to a level I'm satisfied with - good degree, good job, good friends, good fitness etc. The only thing that's not always sorted is sex-life. And I don't think its unreasonable to equate "making the most of it" as shagging lots of girls rather than a few lengthy relationships. I see my friends married or settled with the person they'll be with at my age and have zero envy, thinking it'd be shit to spend the most fun part of your life (your 20s, in my opinion) just attached to one person.

    When I've spoken to friends/colleagues they all say they're exactly the same - that the only thing that really affects their mood is their lovelife. Maybe that's cos they're all similar to me in that they have the education / employment / social / health boxes all 'ticked', all those factors in their life are fine so they're just ignored/forgotten about, whereas this can be up and down. Whereas if I was unemployed and struggling to get a job for example I'm sure that would get me down a lot, more so than this. Just want to aspire to Kazbo's status of being able to live a great life when lovelife's temporarily blank.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Heh. I've learnt an awful lot this week. In the past if there was a girl I really liked I wanted her to be my gf asap. This episode taught me I don't actually need that at all, don't really care about dating / relationship / girlfriend tags, just want to have 'fun' more than platonic friendship with girls. Fortunately it seems salvageable though, by her saying she wanted to be 'just friends' doesn't seem to rule out occasionally pulling / sleeping with her still, she still wants to see me again for dinner/drinks this weekend..



    Possible result! :D


    Either way, everything is a learning curve, eh? All good.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    You're getting this totally wrong. My philosophy of making the most of life relates to everything - academic, career, personal, health, social, sexual. I feel I've achieved / am achieving all the rest to a level I'm satisfied with - good degree, good job, good friends, good fitness etc. The only thing that's not always sorted is sex-life.

    Your first post and most posts before hand don't fit in with what you've just said. Just to set a foundation for an arguement, if you feel your sex life is not in order why do you keep making out that you're a big playboy? that sex is "amazing" and you get more "action" than most?

    I believe it's because it's not about the sex, it's about the attention and how you feel/look to your peers.You don't enjoy sex because it's not what you really want. You think if you have sex it means you're a success with women and stops you being insecure.

    Basically what you want is a girl who makes you feel warm and secure, who you can have fun with and experience good things. That will not happen until you are secure with yourself in a positive way, where you don't need to put effort into beign secure with yourself.
    And I don't think its unreasonable to equate "making the most of it" as shagging lots of girls rather than a few lengthy relationships. I see my friends married or settled with the person they'll be with at my age and have zero envy, thinking it'd be shit to spend the most fun part of your life (your 20s, in my opinion) just attached to one person.

    I don't thinky ou have to be in a relationship to be secure, do what makes you feel happy but don't try pull the wool over people's eyes about the reasdons you do make threads like this and why you really are insecure regardless of how you feel about sex/girls/
    When I've spoken to friends/colleagues they all say they're exactly the same - that the only thing that really affects their mood is their lovelife. Maybe that's cos they're all similar to me in that they have the education / employment / social / health boxes all 'ticked', all those factors in their life are fine so they're just ignored/forgotten about, whereas this can be up and down. Whereas if I was unemployed and struggling to get a job for example I'm sure that would get me down a lot, more so than this. Just want to aspire to Kazbo's status of being able to live a great life when lovelife's temporarily blank.

    So what's wrong with your lovelife? You say you have an active sexlife and you love girls so much, then why is there a problem?

    Is it not making you happy sleeping with girls all the time?

    Personally, it solved no problems for me. I know people who really do enjoy one ngiht stands, i didn't. The people who ahve their lovelife solved, REALLY only do want sex. the way you talk, you don't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to set a foundation for an arguement,

    Replace the word argument with discussion.

    You have actually posted some interesting points now you have taken the aggression/hostility out of your writing.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    g_angel wrote: »
    You have actually posted some interesting points now you have taken the aggression/hostility out of your writing.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your first post and most posts before hand don't fit in with what you've just said. Just to set a foundation for an arguement, if you feel your sex life is not in order why do you keep making out that you're a big playboy? that sex is "amazing" and you get more "action" than most?

    I believe it's because it's not about the sex, it's about the attention and how you feel/look to your peers.You don't enjoy sex because it's not what you really want. You think if you have sex it means you're a success with women and stops you being insecure.

    Basically what you want is a girl who makes you feel warm and secure, who you can have fun with and experience good things. That will not happen until you are secure with yourself in a positive way, where you don't need to put effort into beign secure with yourself.

    I don't thinky ou have to be in a relationship to be secure, do what makes you feel happy but don't try pull the wool over people's eyes about the reasdons you do make threads like this and why you really are insecure regardless of how you feel about sex/girls/

    So what's wrong with your lovelife? You say you have an active sexlife and you love girls so much, then why is there a problem?

    Is it not making you happy sleeping with girls all the time?

    Personally, it solved no problems for me. I know people who really do enjoy one ngiht stands, i didn't. The people who ahve their lovelife solved, REALLY only do want sex. the way you talk, you don't.
    To still be saying I don't enjoy sex is ridiculous. How can you not enjoy sex?! Its so fun.. and I don't get people who say its only good if its with someone who you love etc.. I've always found having it with a random unknown an exciting, enthralling, riveting experience. But each to their own.

    Again you're completely wrong in saying I only do this to get respect from people - a lot of my friends are fairly conservative and religious Christian/ Buddhist/ Muslim, to whom this is not remotely seen as pat-on-the-back cool, in fact I have a bit of a reputation amongst them as a joker, perhaps going to hell. I couldn't care less. I do what I want to make me happy - there's times in the past I've felt a 'girlfriend', a solid exclusive relationship did, which it did, and right now I'm feeling a string of sexual encounters does.

    Yes, I do pretty well in getting girls, pulling and getting laid. But that stuff's not exactly guaranteed. Maybe I'm older, more wrinkly, less energetic, the girls I target are less likely to want to just fool around and want something more serious, people are more miserable cos of the credit crunch, who knows whatever, I can't get it every time, and as said if a week or two goes without anything happening I can get down. Just like a Grade-A student would be down if they get a B, a sprinter down if they can no longer reach their personal best, an artist getting poorer reviews, its all completely relative. I know people down cos they can't get a girl in the first place, for others that can 'dry spells' can get them down.

    But anyway, its been quite a life-changing week in terms of my mood, outlook, goals etc. I'm a fuckload more positive now than when I started this thread. Now I'm in a really positive mood just thinking / knowing there's always opportunities to meet girls and have fun, have a few dates and parties lined up this weekend. But maybe again, if I go through 5 or 6 of such dates / parties without anything happening I could go back into down-ness.

    Maybe I don't explain myself so well online - I seem to get a lot of "what the fuck did you just say?" responses here yet in person people can totally empathise. Its good to know people in person have said this is pretty normal.. by down I mean the one thing at the back of my mind not quite perfect, everything else in life I am wholly satisfied with and wouldn't want to change, rather than anything causing serious depression.

    Enjoy the weekend!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    To still be saying I don't enjoy sex is ridiculous. How can you not enjoy sex?! Its so fun.. and I don't get people who say its only good if its with someone who you love etc.. I've always found having it with a random unknown an exciting, enthralling, riveting experience. But each to their own.

    Ok, if you honestly feel like that it's great, but i wills how you what makes me think otherwise....

    "It has dawned on me recently... for me to be 'happy' and 'content', I don't need a serious relationship. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need sex. All I need to feel good is to know there's girls interested in me, that I have the opportunity should I choose it for something to happen."

    Now i know that doesn't say you don't enjoy sex, but there just seems to be conflicting points you keep making, it's like you make the point that you love sex and then you say you feel sad in the next post.

    You also seem to ahve the view that playboys and players are all out there shagging and that sex is such a wonderful experience.

    You know, the best players are in full time relationships with someone they love and experience the best sex ever, better than any one night stand.

    From the way you describe sex it is as if you want others to see how you feel, you want people to agree with you and people do, it's just that to others, it's not as big a deal, they enjoy that an yway. So why is there such a need to have people agree with you about all this sex and then posting to say you feel different now, opposite or like you don't need anything.

    It seems like you're at a crossroads with how you feel about sleepign with girls. I think you're digging deep to the bottom of the bag and not finding what you want - because you think sleeping with girls is what you want. On the surface it is but at the end of the day it's not making you happy so what do you REALLY want? ask yourself.
    Again you're completely wrong in saying I only do this to get respect from people - a lot of my friends are fairly conservative and religious Christian/ Buddhist/ Muslim, to whom this is not remotely seen as pat-on-the-back cool, in fact I have a bit of a reputation amongst them as a joker, perhaps going to hell. I couldn't care less. I do what I want to make me happy - there's times in the past I've felt a 'girlfriend', a solid exclusive relationship did, which it did, and right now I'm feeling a string of sexual encounters does.

    But you like it, you like being the joker, the player, nothign wrong with that you know.
    Yes, I do pretty well in getting girls, pulling and getting laid. But that stuff's not exactly guaranteed. Maybe I'm older, more wrinkly, less energetic, the girls I target are less likely to want to just fool around and want something more serious, people are more miserable cos of the credit crunch, who knows whatever, I can't get it every time, and as said if a week or two goes without anything happening I can get down. Just like a Grade-A student would be down if they get a B, a sprinter down if they can no longer reach their personal best, an artist getting poorer reviews, its all completely relative. I know people down cos they can't get a girl in the first place, for others that can 'dry spells' can get them down.

    No not just like a grade A stuent. I know what you're saying but the fact that you make those comarisons shows your skewed perspective. You're viewing sex as something to accomplish, what are you accomplishing. Do you not see how this all ties in with you wanting sex for the wrong reasons? It directly points out that you feel you need to sleep with girls to be a success.

    I slept around a lot, not just slutty girls either, nice girls. I know for a fact i didn't feel sad if i didn't get sex, i wasn't bothered by it, sex was not the goal, it was just to have a good time. I know the same is with G_angel, he enjoys sex and "loves the wonderful feeling bla bla bla" but he doesn't feel insecure when he doesn't get any. It is as if you NEED it, that is actually a fact, you've admitted it.

    You really need to figure this out and accept what you are actually saying. I'm not making this up, these are your words i'm feeding back to you.

    But anyway, its been quite a life-changing week in terms of my mood, outlook, goals etc. I'm a fuckload more positive now than when I started this thread. Now I'm in a really positive mood just thinking / knowing there's always opportunities to meet girls and have fun, have a few dates and parties lined up this weekend. But maybe again, if I go through 5 or 6 of such dates / parties without anything happening I could go back into down-ness.

    Maybe I don't explain myself so well online - I seem to get a lot of "what the fuck did you just say?" responses here yet in person people can totally empathise. Its good to know people in person have said this is pretty normal.. by down I mean the one thing at the back of my mind not quite perfect, everything else in life I am wholly satisfied with and wouldn't want to change, rather than anything causing serious depression.

    Enjoy the weekend!
    This is all great that you feel better, but just try to see how you getting down when there's no one to talk to is self destructive.

    There's one player i used to speak to, well know guy, wrote some books inf act. He went to live in the mountains for 6 months on his own just to "be a man" and get in touch with himself a bit more. No word of a lie!

    Maybe you should stopt hinking about sleeping with girls and focus mroe and what it is to be a real man. The core of masculinity. as corny as that sounds, it's what i felt for a long time, it changed my perspective of things including security wise.

    You know, some times you just gotta suck it up, be independant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awesome post. Well...

    - Yeah, I have been thinking a lot recently about what I want. I always thought the best thing would be a stable loving long-term relationship. But the thing is I don't want to settle down right now with Ms Perfect and spend the rest of my life with her, when I reach 28-30 I want to do that so now ideally I'd like to have lots more fun before that. Obviously like can't be planned that way so if the perfect person comes along beforethat then my attitude may change.

    - Maybe yes I do view it as a bit of an accomplishment / success - but then getting lucky/rejected in romance I view as quite similar to in employment, socially etc ie accomplishments give you confidence, rejections give you downers. Although, I don't view success in the number of girls I've slept with, notches on bedposts etc, just the general ethos of attracting sexual interest. I've actually spent quite a few nights just 'making out' and not too bothered to have sex. I don't need actual sex to stay upbeat, just 'fun' with girls more than platonic friendship.

    Things will change. As I've become more mature and secure through the years I've changed my attitudes a lot but still seem to be where g_angel and kazbo were a few years ago, am confident things will all clear up in due course!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes i think they will clear up. But onyl if you will it to. i see a lot of people in places i was when i was 19 and they're like 28!

    Just make sure if nothing is working, change.

    I used to see these people who were not bothered about something, happy and wouldn't make as big a deal as me and wondered how they were so mature.

    It's not about what you go through but about how you come out of it that counts. Lots of people go through bad stuff or unhappyness and come out no better off.

    By the way OMG at my typos.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »


    Things will change. As I've become more mature and secure through the years I've changed my attitudes a lot ... am confident things will all clear up in due course!

    :yes: :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    Awesome post. Well...

    Things will change. As I've become more mature and secure through the years I've changed my attitudes a lot but still seem to be where g_angel and kazbo were a few years ago, am confident things will all clear up in due course!

    :yes: Everyone's attitudes change as they get older and it will become apparent to you when you're ready to settle down, which happens to different people at different ages. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just try not to take it to heart too much if you don't get any for a week or 2 it's not a reflection on you at all, merely being around the wrong people.
Sign In or Register to comment.