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How much do you need attention/interest to feel good?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It has dawned on me recently... for me to be 'happy' and 'content', I don't need a serious relationship. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need sex. All I need to feel good is to know there's girls interested in me, that I have the opportunity should I choose it for something to happen. The last few weeks I wrote some fairly melancholy posts here because I'd temporarily run out of "options" - tried getting with a couple of girls who weren't interested and wasn't being approached by anyone else. Now all of a sudden this weekend I slept with 2 girls I met at parties and feel back to my normal, 'happy' state.

I would be interested to hear both from guys and girls, if you're similar in liking that sort of attention - feeling good if you know people like/want you. Well I'm sure everyone feels good about that, but to my extent where it can pretty much entirely affect whether you are 'happy' or 'sad' - is it a serious insecurity if that's the case? I'm not an "attention seeker" as in I don't hugely care if people are complimentary eg guys say I'm a "legend", its only sexual interest from females that I crave..

Edit: Just to clarify (re Suzy's response) if I'm in a happy relationship then I don't need other girls interested still to keep me in a content state.

T x
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its certainly a morale boost to know someone thinks youre attractive, but its a shame if it makes you depressed because of running out of options for a few weeks. It means youre relying on something that isnt going to last.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a shame if it makes you depressed because of running out of options for a few weeks. It means youre relying on something that isnt going to last.
    Yeah I don't care if things aren't going to last, I just need my constant string of flings / sex / pulling / relationships / dating etc to keep upbeat and happy, even if its just a week or two without any of that I feel its time "wasted".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that's the part she meant wouldn't last
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I mean your looks - looks fade. That sort of attention dies down even if you age well, because as you get older, friends settle down, theres less and less options
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah I mean your looks - looks fade. That sort of attention dies down even if you age well, because as you get older, friends settle down, theres less and less options
    Something I didn't clarify - if I'm in a relationship then I don't need a string of other girls interested whatsoever, in fact it can be annoying if I'm going to be faithful to know there's an "opportunity cost" of the relationship. I always just need something happening - ie if I'm in a happy relationship that's sufficient to keep me upbeat rather than lots of other interest, so when I'm old and grey if I'm taken all will be fine - and as I mentioned in an earlier thread if I'm still single at the age I want to start having kids I'll begin to panic...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So many people split up today (In fact most relationships do in the long run) so one will always have to find attention/interest in other places than in a relationship market. Solely relying on other people to nurture oneself with compliments, attention or other needs is most likely to fail eventually.

    My two cents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a bit of a space cadet so don't really notice if a girls into me. :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yerascrote wrote: »
    I'm a bit of a space cadet so don't really notice if a girls into me. :lol:
    I had to look up what "space cadet" meant, lol good old UrbanDictionary -
    a retard or spacker, someone who basically has a buggered up life because they are mentally retarded

    Example: "haha look at that space cadet"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    I had to look up what "space cadet" meant, lol good old UrbanDictionary -

    Nah that's not the definition we use, more someone who doesn't really pay attention to what's going on around them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't need attention at all. Doesn't bother me, although I do tend to get a lot.

    What is quite funny is that because I am so friendly to people, and I do get a lot of attention (I tend to be right in the middle of mischief wherever I am), it surprises/slightly unnerves my girlfriend - she's a pole dancer, and so her whole job is focused around her being the centre of attention, but it bothers her me getting the attention I do :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yerascrote wrote: »
    Nah that's not the definition we use, more someone who doesn't really pay attention to what's going on around them.



    I agree with this definition.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i thought it was someone who was really into their drugs
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i thought it was someone who was really into their drugs

    There's that one too. I use space cadet the day after a big session where I'm a bit out of it. Not paying attention. Kind of the same thing, I guess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    personally it depends on who it is that either likes me/finds me attractive. normally if someone finds me attractive or likes me i dismiss it straight away for im quite insecure when it comes to that kinda thing :confused: . but if i know a girl likes me it depends on whether i actually find that person attractive. for example, if theres a girl i find really attractive and she likes me..it makes me feel good but if i dont find the girl attractive (whether that be personality/looks) it doesnt do anything for me!

    so in response to your question, yes i do but it has to be mutual :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    my girlfriend - she's a pole dancer
    lol this guy's such a legend
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    lol this guy's such a legend

    :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its nice to have a few friends around. But apart from that I have never been too bothered about getting attention. I feel fairly confident in myself without any. One or two of my friends seem to need constant attention for their self esteem, which I find crazy and feel slightly bad for them. Although I agree a bit of attention can lift you from time to time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The only time it ever bothers, not getting any attention, is if I am having a downer on myself and feel like the only way to climb out of it is someone else to lift my mood... However usually after a good nights sleep the fog clears and I realise that it's my own opinion which matters and that I'm solely responsible for the mood I'm in... and generally I'm happy without anyone's attention.

    I sometimes worry that I'm too happy on my own. It's only after someone's paid attention that I start over-thinking myself and begin to worry that I'm 'not good enough'. Maybe I'm the opposite of you somehow. :lol:

    What I mean is, it usually lifts my mood for about 30 minutes when a guy shows interest... but that is usually closely followed by myself telling me in several ways why I am not worthy of the attention, or why they would actually like the other girl that was sat next to me at the time.
    So it's usually safer for me to not notice the attention and carry on happily and oblivious to it.

    :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I like female interest,it validates me being attractive to SOMEone:chin: but at the same time I feel quite uncomfortable and embarrassed about it and end up pushing it away or just not believing it.
    To be honest I go so far as to avoid a girl I think is interested in me,I always think its a joke to get at me and have a laugh or something even if I fancy her back.:blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm content on my own but saying that I certainly don't mind attention. I'm however noticing that too much of it turns me into a mega-bitch as recently I've said some not-so-nice stuff to some guys that are wanting to talk to me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Surprisngly little. I'm quite happy with my own company.

    I havent got a clue 99% of the time if someone likes likes me, or is just being friendly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really like attention at all. I go bright red and embaressed and hate it if somebody even mentions me directly at work or anything. However, if I am feeling down, I often need an unnatural amount of compasion from those close to me. :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at the end of the day it's a question of self-belief and elf-dependancy. Your happiness shouldn't depend on anything/anyone but yourself. Of course when you attract attention from the opposite sex it's always flattering to your ego, but it should not constitute an essential part of your well-being. Since I've adopted this new approach to things I've managed to avoid emotional upsets in relation to girls. I won't let myself be hurt by a girlfriend, or in fact any girl, simply because I don't get their 'approval', in other words their attention.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »
    It has dawned on me recently... for me to be 'happy' and 'content', I don't need a serious relationship. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need sex. All I need to feel good is to know there's girls interested in me, that I have the opportunity should I choose it for something to happen. The last few weeks I wrote some fairly melancholy posts here because I'd temporarily run out of "options" - tried getting with a couple of girls who weren't interested and wasn't being approached by anyone else. Now all of a sudden this weekend I slept with 2 girls I met at parties and feel back to my normal, 'happy' state.

    I would be interested to hear both from guys and girls, if you're similar in liking that sort of attention - feeling good if you know people like/want you. Well I'm sure everyone feels good about that, but to my extent where it can pretty much entirely affect whether you are 'happy' or 'sad' - is it a serious insecurity if that's the case? I'm not an "attention seeker" as in I don't hugely care if people are complimentary eg guys say I'm a "legend", its only sexual interest from females that I crave..

    Edit: Just to clarify (re Suzy's response) if I'm in a happy relationship then I don't need other girls interested still to keep me in a content state.

    T x


    I could have told you myself that you seek attention, with that it brings insecurity.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    seek attention, with that it brings insecurity.



    You know, I agree with this.

    Not necessarily directed at Tinkler here, but as a whole, I believe that statement to be true. I didn't want to edit the quote directly, so will reword:

    Somebody who needs or seeks attention will suffer insecurities that the attention helps them deal with.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All I need to feel good is once in a while for a girl to flutter her eyes towards me saying "I like you" and a big bowl of spaghetti.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its the word 'need' I find a little curious, and if it was me I'd find it a bit worrying.

    You may want a relationship (be it short or long term) but to need one is quite a different matter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    You know, I agree with this.

    Not necessarily directed at Tinkler here, but as a whole, I believe that statement to be true. I didn't want to edit the quote directly, so will reword:

    Somebody who needs or seeks attention will suffer insecurities that the attention helps them deal with.
    My entire emotional state relies solely on my lovelife. I have a good job, friends, family, health, looks, money etc so barely any insecurities there, or problems which seriously affect me - all of those factors are relatively 'constant' and therefore not a problem. Lovelife on the other hand is always variant. 80% of the time things are going well - girls I've just hooked up with, new girls on the horizon etc. When things go wrong like a girl I really like ending things / not interested, or brief periods of nothing happening, I can get pretty down. I'm not so sure actually if its even needing 'attention' (just of a sexual context rather than standard 'attention seeking'), I just love sex, even just pulling, physical contact with women, and just going a week without that I can get down. When I say 'need', well I can live without it as I have, I just 'need' that to keep upbeat and happy about life rather than feeling this is day in day out drudgery.

    I recognise this as quite a big insecurity that will affect my life, the only 'issue' I have that I have a problem with, but if I ever tell this to friends in person they say that everyone's exactly like that, its entirely normal for one's mood to be affected so heavily by their love/sexlife.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinkler wrote: »

    I recognise this as quite a big insecurity that will affect my life, the only 'issue' I have that I have a problem with, but if I ever tell this to friends in person they say that everyone's exactly like that, its entirely normal for one's mood to be affected so heavily by their love/sexlife.

    Very busy right now so I will just focus on this paragraph.

    This is NOT normal for everybody that I know. Perhaps the odd individual who is long term down in the dumps, but not going on a week to week/short term basis.

    Also, I would suggest that love life and sex life are linked but in this context, they are different. Going without a shag or whatever for a week shouldn't affect your mood as, for example, somebody desparate to be in a relationship, but has been unable to meet a partner for months/years would.

    Unsure what to suggest, but I believe it needs addressing in some way.

    Sorry for the short and rather rubbish reply. I will no doubt write more later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    Also, I would suggest that love life and sex life are linked but in this context, they are different. Going without a shag or whatever for a week shouldn't affect your mood as, for example, somebody desparate to be in a relationship, but has been unable to meet a partner for months/years would.
    Surely its all relative. If you're someone with a very active sexlife like me you can feel down if no sex / chances of sex on the horizon for a couple of weeks. Whereas if you barely get any action in the first place you're not going to be so 'gagging for it'.

    At least I don't desperately need a relationship / girlfriend to feel good. Just passionately kissing someone (even just a random at a club) I feel can be such a great feeling. But even that's not so guaranteed when going out these days it seems.
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