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How much do you need attention/interest to feel good?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
It has dawned on me recently... for me to be 'happy' and 'content', I don't need a serious relationship. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need sex. All I need to feel good is to know there's girls interested in me, that I have the opportunity should I choose it for something to happen. The last few weeks I wrote some fairly melancholy posts here because I'd temporarily run out of "options" - tried getting with a couple of girls who weren't interested and wasn't being approached by anyone else. Now all of a sudden this weekend I slept with 2 girls I met at parties and feel back to my normal, 'happy' state.
I would be interested to hear both from guys and girls, if you're similar in liking that sort of attention - feeling good if you know people like/want you. Well I'm sure everyone feels good about that, but to my extent where it can pretty much entirely affect whether you are 'happy' or 'sad' - is it a serious insecurity if that's the case? I'm not an "attention seeker" as in I don't hugely care if people are complimentary eg guys say I'm a "legend", its only sexual interest from females that I crave..
Edit: Just to clarify (re Suzy's response) if I'm in a happy relationship then I don't need other girls interested still to keep me in a content state.
T x
I would be interested to hear both from guys and girls, if you're similar in liking that sort of attention - feeling good if you know people like/want you. Well I'm sure everyone feels good about that, but to my extent where it can pretty much entirely affect whether you are 'happy' or 'sad' - is it a serious insecurity if that's the case? I'm not an "attention seeker" as in I don't hugely care if people are complimentary eg guys say I'm a "legend", its only sexual interest from females that I crave..
Edit: Just to clarify (re Suzy's response) if I'm in a happy relationship then I don't need other girls interested still to keep me in a content state.
T x
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Comments
My two cents.
Nah that's not the definition we use, more someone who doesn't really pay attention to what's going on around them.
What is quite funny is that because I am so friendly to people, and I do get a lot of attention (I tend to be right in the middle of mischief wherever I am), it surprises/slightly unnerves my girlfriend - she's a pole dancer, and so her whole job is focused around her being the centre of attention, but it bothers her me getting the attention I do
I agree with this definition.
There's that one too. I use space cadet the day after a big session where I'm a bit out of it. Not paying attention. Kind of the same thing, I guess.
so in response to your question, yes i do but it has to be mutual
I sometimes worry that I'm too happy on my own. It's only after someone's paid attention that I start over-thinking myself and begin to worry that I'm 'not good enough'. Maybe I'm the opposite of you somehow.
What I mean is, it usually lifts my mood for about 30 minutes when a guy shows interest... but that is usually closely followed by myself telling me in several ways why I am not worthy of the attention, or why they would actually like the other girl that was sat next to me at the time.
So it's usually safer for me to not notice the attention and carry on happily and oblivious to it.
To be honest I go so far as to avoid a girl I think is interested in me,I always think its a joke to get at me and have a laugh or something even if I fancy her back.
I havent got a clue 99% of the time if someone likes likes me, or is just being friendly.
I could have told you myself that you seek attention, with that it brings insecurity.
You know, I agree with this.
Not necessarily directed at Tinkler here, but as a whole, I believe that statement to be true. I didn't want to edit the quote directly, so will reword:
Somebody who needs or seeks attention will suffer insecurities that the attention helps them deal with.
You may want a relationship (be it short or long term) but to need one is quite a different matter.
I recognise this as quite a big insecurity that will affect my life, the only 'issue' I have that I have a problem with, but if I ever tell this to friends in person they say that everyone's exactly like that, its entirely normal for one's mood to be affected so heavily by their love/sexlife.
Very busy right now so I will just focus on this paragraph.
This is NOT normal for everybody that I know. Perhaps the odd individual who is long term down in the dumps, but not going on a week to week/short term basis.
Also, I would suggest that love life and sex life are linked but in this context, they are different. Going without a shag or whatever for a week shouldn't affect your mood as, for example, somebody desparate to be in a relationship, but has been unable to meet a partner for months/years would.
Unsure what to suggest, but I believe it needs addressing in some way.
Sorry for the short and rather rubbish reply. I will no doubt write more later.
At least I don't desperately need a relationship / girlfriend to feel good. Just passionately kissing someone (even just a random at a club) I feel can be such a great feeling. But even that's not so guaranteed when going out these days it seems.