If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Fathers at the Birth - Debate
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, there's a whole pile of discussion going on in an advice thread, maybe this will hope those of us to want to solely be friendly to the concerned mother and those who want to debate fathers rights both do so without mixing up the points and all getting frustrated.
Father initially shows no interest in the pregnancy, then later wants to be there, having spent a fair chunk of the intervening time being verbally agressive to the mother.
Thoughts?
Father initially shows no interest in the pregnancy, then later wants to be there, having spent a fair chunk of the intervening time being verbally agressive to the mother.
Thoughts?
0
Comments
(surprised?)
However, telling the father when the baby has been born is a different issue - I believe that's what was causing the controversy in the other thread?
As to what access the father gets after the birth (if parents arent an item) - that hopefully could be decided based on what is best for the kid - but is more likely to be a nasty legal battle.
Personally I'd like to see couples counselling (if there are kids) on the NHS.
True enough, but you would not ask the kidney donor to maintain the kidney until it was 18 years old, would you ?
What's that got to do with anything? It's a medical procedure, and as such should be as private as the woman wants it to be. I can't think of one good argument for the woman not having a choice in this matter.
Not a lot, but you brought it up !
I would question your view that it was a medical procedure though.
Well okay, it's like taking a shit then. And nobody should be allowed to watch someone do that without your consent either.
If the father is likely to be supportive,loving and helpful then it can be wonderful to have the one you love holding your hand and mopping your brow as the baby you created arrive into the world.
If the father is likely to be squeamish, unhelpful or the mother just wants to do it alone, then its best she does.
You cant give birth efficiently with someone you dont want in the room and theres plenty of reasons why having the father there might not be a good idea
As for the scenario described by the OP, it depends on how genuine this Damascean conversion apparently is. If his reasons for his change of mind are genuine and thoughtful, perhaps it's fair enough that he attend the pregnancy, and later be involved in the child's life. On the other hand, if his reasons turn out to be bluster, he can go to hell.
I would want my partner to be at the birth of my kids, because I have a very low pain threshold and I would want someone there to support me through the inevitable trauma. Plus I would want him to see our baby when it first comes into the world.
You have a very strange view of fatherhood, stargalaxy, I have to say.
A lot of men are actually very good to have around during the time of birth. There's not much use to having a gang of medical students or student midwives staring at your chuff while you deliver either but it's still done, so I don't think the idea of having the father present is *that* radical, providing that the woman is happy to have him there, they can provide brilliant support and be an advocate for the woman when she's not in a position to talk.
Some guys are fairly lousy, a midwife was telling me of a woman who was mopping her partner's brow between her contractions :rolleyes: but I think the idea of shoving the useless sperm donor out of the picture so he can go and play is fairly outdated.
The best people to make the decision are the people involved, rather than what's in vogue.
my boyfriend now attended my last two births and was an amazing birth partner - perfect, but then hes not squeamish and hes very sensitive yet assertive and it was actually a really beautiful romantic thing because of that. I was empowered.
Its got to be the womans decision. Its her fanny everyones gonna be looking at after all!
I've been thinking the exact same thing lately after reading some purely bizarre posts!
I sure would want a partner who'd show interest in the pregnancy and upbringing of his kid.
--
As for the original subject, around birthing I think it's the mother's right to limit access or exclude the father if he causes her uneccesary stress or fear. It's a tough enough time of life for the mother as is!
Then afterwards there will be time to figure out how much it's possible to involve the father.
Not very clearly phrased.
(Note that all the following is IMHO, this should be obvious)
Be there where? If you mean during birth, it's up to the mother. If you mean for the upbringing, if the two parents can't agree on something someone else (a qualified third party) should review the case and decide for them. Personally, if he's still agressive etc I'd say screw him, if he isn't perhaps he deserves a chance (the qualified third party reviewing the case should be able to tell).
I think decisions about who looks after a child should be made in the child's best interest, rather than based on the annoying "which parent owns more of the baby" argument.
You'd think, wouldn't you?
You would think so, but some people on these boards seem to think that the baby belongs to the mother.
As the woman is giving birth it's up to her who she wants in the delivery room. That's not saying the father isn't important.
Legally, since the Children Act 1989, the child belongs to the State.
so technically, anyone who works for the state can be in the delivery room?
I wonder if the father is included in that?
(sorry I'm in a stupid mood tonight!)
No, I'm agreeing with what you've said but you'd have to make sure the third party is the right person. There seem to be so many people involved with things like this who strongly believe the child should spend most of the time with the mother and a few times a week with the father, without really thinking about the impact this would have on the child. In my experience the parent's right to be a parent is stronger than a child's right to a decent childhood.
That might be true from the point of view of a parent who just wants to do their best, but I thik most people would agree that a decent childhood is one that is free from abuse, neglect, emotional blackmail and confusion and other things that result from being forced to live/have contact with parents who don't care or aren't able to be a good parent. The traditional system of a child living with the mother and seeing the father at weekends doesn't work for everyone, people who are involved in making these decisions for a child need to be more flexible in their thinking.