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How to find a healthy middle on this?
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
Years ago (like, when I was in my teens) I used to think that every girl who was being nice to me (as in, smiling, chatting to me etc) fancied me. The only way I'd realise, in each specific case, that this wasn't so was if I was explicitly told.
At some point, I realised that people are just being nice and that it doesn't mean much by itself. That realisation however didn't mean that these thought stopped happening right away, in fact they never did. So I applied a second layer on thoughts on top of them, which cancels them out.
Currently, I still do think on the "inside" that every girl/woman who's being nice to me fancies me, but the "second layer" cancels that thought so on the "outside" (my actions etc) it's as if I'm sure that no one does and no one will. So now, the only way I'd know if someone did fancy me would be if I was explicitly told.
Although I guess that this way I'm not going to have any trouble or embarrassing moments, it's not a healthy way to think either, is it?
How do I find some balance? Is it even possible to find it? :chin:
At some point, I realised that people are just being nice and that it doesn't mean much by itself. That realisation however didn't mean that these thought stopped happening right away, in fact they never did. So I applied a second layer on thoughts on top of them, which cancels them out.
Currently, I still do think on the "inside" that every girl/woman who's being nice to me fancies me, but the "second layer" cancels that thought so on the "outside" (my actions etc) it's as if I'm sure that no one does and no one will. So now, the only way I'd know if someone did fancy me would be if I was explicitly told.
Although I guess that this way I'm not going to have any trouble or embarrassing moments, it's not a healthy way to think either, is it?
How do I find some balance? Is it even possible to find it? :chin:
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If a bloke wolf whistles me then in my head I spend ages convincing myself that he was taking the piss and somehow meant it in an ironic way just because that is what I am used to. I think a huge ego is much less attractive than modesty.
Well, thanks for that.
I don't think they're not being used together and weaken each other, I think the "outer" one completely cancels the "inner" one, as if the latter doesn't exist. As far as the world is concerned anyway.
I'm not sure what a healthy middle would be... Perhaps one where I could act like it's possible for someone to fancy me without waiting to be explicitly told. Isn't that what most people are like?
Ah ok, well in that case I still agree with what was said above, that modesty is much more attractive than an ego. It's not good to have too low an opinion of yourself though, I think everyone is their own worst critic. I guess a healthy middle would be to think it's definitly possible someone may fancy you, particularly if they act like they do, but don't just presume they will unless told otherwise. Which is pretty much what you've suggested! Maybe as if people in general will fancy you, probably without ever telling you, but don't presume a specific person will. OR, focus more on the question, do you fancy them? And count them lucky if you do!
Thanks to everyone who replied
Not to mention that it might get someone mad, in which case I'd likely also lose her simply company, which I can't see affording to in the foreseeable future.
Well, it's not like I reach a personal, spend reasonable time with each other, basis with every girl every two weeks.
And I couldn't even imagine why someone could be mad. And if, I don't think i would want to be closer to that person anyway.
but different strokes for different folks.
The point is that, when I fancy someone, I usually do all I can to pretend I don't. Because I tend to fancy everyone (like I said) that I don't think is ugly and/or rude, and if I let that show it would probably cause some awkwardness. But if they don't fancy me back I'd rather have them as a friend or simply someone to talk to, and the awkwardness would probably stop that from happening, is what I meant above.
So I don't let it show, unless it seems they do fancy me (which has never happened so far, or at least I never recognised it).
Nah. I just think it's important not to let your imagination run away. Lol, when I fancy a girl, I interpret all her nice actions as flirting, but better to be an optimist :thumb: