Making your mind up

Former Member

Hi,
I broke up with my long term girlfriend because as much as she loved me she would not change a few basics things for me despite several times trying and me doing everything for her. Now I am seeing a new girl who is great but i get to see her only five hours a week. My ex who i work with every day has now changed because of the break up, at least tempirarily, and has started seeing someone else but I still love her and I know she does me. I can't seem to move on when I see her so much and my girlfriend so little, do I give it another go or move on with my life?

Former Member

Move on with your life, the problems will still be there with your old girl friend. Why can you only see your girl friend 5 hours a week?

Former Member

what wouldnt she change, and would things be any different now?

Are you sure the break-up wasnt an ultimatum that went wrong and you had to see it through?

Former Member

That's one of the things that can be difficult when working at the same place as your girlfriend. Once you break up, it's harder to create some distance in order to be able to move on. If you find it really hard even after a couple of months I'd investigate if I could find a new job or perhaps at another department in the same firm?

Former Member

She has said she would try and change everything and the thing is that if she did she would be someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with but i don't think its fair to ask someone to change who they are.
I just can't let go and feel I need to be there for her in everything she does because she was my best friend as well. I don't want her out of my life and I am expected to let her go when i will hear everything and work feet from her

Former Member

well everything is destroyed now. she is spreading rumours about me at work and despite the stress i am under my friends have given up helping me. I cared too much and shouldn't of broke up but i've lost it now and now i can't cope

Former Member

I'm curious... what things about her "needed to change" for you to continue the relationship?

Anyway, sorry to hear how things turned out.

Former Member

All the small things that build up, like going out with friends, mixing with family, staying over, watching the occasional action film, getting ignored for days after an argument and general double standards.
As a loving caring sexy person she had no better but arguments build up and since the break up she has started sleeping around so

Former Member

Distant_Jeff wrote: »

All the small things that build up, like going out with friends, mixing with family, staying over, watching the occasional action film, getting ignored for days after an argument and general double standards.
As a loving caring sexy person she had no better but arguments build up and since the break up she has started sleeping around so

A piece of advice, it's probably hard to realize now just after breaking up, but look carefully trough what you wrote yourself here. These aren't necessarily only small things, if they matter to you, they are important. I especially noticed the being ignored for several days after arguments, this is not a very flattering trait for any person. I'm sure you get over her soon.

About the rumour making, don't be afraid to retaliate if you feel like it and if she doesn't agree to stop. But do it in a "proper way", don't sink down to her level of rumour spreading. If you have the guts you can go to her/your boss and explain that one of his/her employers are undertaking harassment against you and that you will pursuit it furher if it doesn't stop.

Former Member

You need to move on and becuase of that you will become a stronger and wiser person

Former Member

hard times

Hi

It sounds like you're going through a tough time- you obviously care deeply for your ex, and whilst you are still getting over the break-up, she has started spreading rumours about you at work.
You say that you "still love her" and "can't let her go" but it sounds like she has moved on from the relationship and perhaps this is what you must do too in order to be happy again.
Whilst you might feel that you can never get over her, you need to do all you can to help yourself through this. Try to put as much distance as you can between you and her so you can have some time and space to mend your broken heart. How about taking up a new hobby, making some new friends, or volunteering? All these things can help to take your mind off the break up.
When you feel ready, perhaps you can try dating again. At the moment, it really sounds like you are hung up on your ex, so it could be unfair on your new girlfriend to be with her when you just aren't ready yet. If you think this might be the case, be honest and let her know, and then take time to be single and happy again.
Finally, if your ex is spreading rumours about you at work, then perhaps you could have a word with your manager or supervisor about it. It sounds like it is very stressful for you, and it is unfair of her to make your working environment uncomfortable for you. Your employer should do something about it.
Perhaps if you feel down you can talk to Supportline, a helpline you can chat to about anything you might be going through. You can get them on 020 8554 9004.

Good luck

H