Dating a Catholic woman ?

Former Member

Hi


I was just hoping for some others opinions on the following. I'm a none religious guy who was dating a catholic woman. I really cared for her, but felt her religion acted as a wedge, which drove us apart.

Basically catholics believe:

Should not have sex before marriage
Should not live with her partner before marriage
A priest must ok the marriage
Marriage must be in catholic church
Abortion will never be an option
Contraception can't be used
The marriage has to be open to kids
... please feel free to list any others i've failed to mention

Now my views on the above are generally opposite to neutral. It really bothers me that i had no say in the above. If it were the case that i could sort of have said, i'd agree with her on half the rules and she could agree with me on the other half, then i'd feel it were fair. Now on one hand, i understand she can't do this as doing so would mean she basically wasn't following her religion and may as well just go against all the rules, but on the other hand, me feeling as though i have to agree to all these rules made me resentful of her.

I know at this point we have split up, i was just wondering how others would feel in this situation? Truth is i really miss her and other than the no sex rule, the others hadn't yet come into play ..... it was just me thinking ahead. Its a shame as she would have been perfect for me if it hadn't have been for the above

Help
Andy

Former Member

Andy_46 wrote: »

Hi


I was just hoping for some others opinions on the following. I'm a none religious guy who was dating a catholic woman. I really cared for her, but felt her religion acted as a wedge, which drove us apart.

Basically catholics believe:

Should not have sex before marriage
Should not live with her partner before marriage
A priest must ok the marriage
Marriage must be in catholic church
Abortion will never be an option
Contraception can't be used
The marriage has to be open to kids
... please feel free to list any others i've failed to mention

Now my views on the above are generally opposite to neutral. It really bothers me that i had no say in the above. If it were the case that i could sort of have said, i'd agree with her on half the rules and she could agree with me on the other half, then i'd feel it were fair. Now on one hand, i understand she can't do this as doing so would mean she basically wasn't following her religion and may as well just go against all the rules, but on the other hand, me feeling as though i have to agree to all these rules made me resentful of her.

I know at this point we have split up, i was just wondering how others would feel in this situation? Truth is i really miss her and other than the no sex rule, the others hadn't yet come into play ..... it was just me thinking ahead. Its a shame as she would have been perfect for me if it hadn't have been for the above

Help
Andy

WTF?

She would be pretty strict catholic to follow all that crap.

Not one single Catholic person I know, even the most strict goes for most of that.

A priest must ok the marriage
Marriage must be in catholic church

These are about the only two. Oh, and divorces are not exactly great/easy to get for Catholics as they have to get the marriage annulled in the eyes of the Church.

When you say 'other than the above'... If those are really what she is going for, then just forget about it. Even if you were just thinking ahead, they're still major differences of opinion etc etc and she isn't likely to flex on them.

Strict religion and non-religion are not a good nor easy mix.

Even senior Catholic figures are saying the Church has to move with the times as it is so old fashioned... but if a religion is going to change it's fundamental rules to fit in (and keep followers), what kind of weak rubbish is it really?

Former Member

most catholics arent as strict as all that these days

Former Member

I couldn't date someone with opposing views to mine. Does she miss you too?

Former Member

which half of her core beliefs and personal morals that she holds dear do you think she should give up for you?

Former Member

Lol she must be hardcore, I live in one of the most staunchly Catholic areas in Ireland and fuck all people round here believe in all that shite except the older generation.

Former Member

IMO, having a relationship with a person that doesn't share any of your core values will be impossible in the long run. Disagreement over such beliefs can't be compromised, and it's probably for the best that you split up.

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

which half of her core beliefs and personal morals that she holds dear do you think she should give up for you?

To be honest that's what I was wondering :chin:

I mean surely you either consent to sex and have sex or you don't. You can't really 'met half way' on this one by having a little bit of sex, or getting half way through and stopping, or just putting half your cock inside her... it's all still sex.

I'm sure as has been said that not all Catholics practice all these things but it is perfectly reasonable that an individual does. I've met plenty of muslims and people of other religions as well and also many Christians who practice this type of thing to different degrees, it's perfectly reasonable for anyone to decide not to have sex in the same way that you can decide not to go out with them anymore if you so wish.

Former Member

Yea, Cathlic woman are fun

Former Member

i dunno, there's a fair few people round here - Christians of other denominations too - who believe and act on most of that list. There was a potential relationship for me with a bloke who did, but we both realised that those are issues which can fundamentally drive you apart, to the extent that there's no point even beginning.

It's rubbish because much as I'm sure you respected her beliefs, if you're anything like me they annoy the hell out of you because they're irrelevant and based on what I believe is absolute nonsense. Bad luck, but I can totally see why you ended it, and I think it's the right thing to do... better than trying to change her if she's set in her beliefs.

Former Member

J wrote: »

Then the older generation are shite. :rolleyes:

Forget to take your pills tonight J?

Former Member

With love nothing is impossible

If you really lover her, religion shouldn't be a problem. You should be willing to wait for sex until marriage. Once you are married, believe me you will be discovering very many new pleasant things about your marriage and about her and this will be for life. So you could have waited a little longer, married her then had her all to yourself. People who abstain from sex during courtship have more fulfilling and longer lasting marriages than people who cant wait to have sex in courtship. So look on the bright side of it.

Former Member

Hi Bek, thanks for your reply and advice! Unfortunately this thread dates back to 2008, so I am going to close it now

Welcome to the boards and feel free to start a new thread if anything is on your mind :yes: