Rights to my child (as father)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
Firstly, when a baby is born are both the mother and father present at the signing of the birth certificate and do they both sign it or is it just the one person (while the other is present).

Also if the child has a double-barrelled surname is it possible to later change it to either the mothers or fathers surname if your unmarried and if so what happens if either part does not agree to sign any documents allowing this to happen?

And finally, how does the court decide who to give custody to if the child is being looked after how it should be and is in a stable environment?
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1. Both sign
    2. Yes its possible to change it, but both parents on the birth certificate must consent if its a legal name change I believe.
    3. Mother will generally have residency over the child, unless agreed by both parents otherwise, or if mother loses custody somehow for something pretty major.

    Are you going through a court battle?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not yet but I don't think it will be long, she couldn't cope with her last child and sent him to live with his dad 100 miles away (even though she never admitted to not being able to cope it is obvious she couldn't as she was/is severely depressed and was booked by the antenatal consultant (?) to see the hospital psychiatrist ASAP).

    I really don't want my child to live with her and I don't want the child to be brought up in the town we live in because not one person has an ounce of respect for anyone else, I've tried to compromise many a time but she will not leave the town (not even to a nice smaller town 15 minutes away) it's also seems like having another child is a burden on her because she can't go out with her mates to get so pissed and high can't walk or talk.

    I could go in to a lot more detail but that doesn't affect the child and probably wouldn't help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In order to obtain parental responsabilty of the child you need to go with her to register the birth, otherwise it will have to go through the courts. Parental responsability is only automatic for the father if you are married.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    donut wrote: »
    Parental responsability is only automatic for the father if you are married.


    Thats really unfair.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    Thats really unfair.

    I totally agree. Up until a few years ago it didnt even count if you registered the birth together. I work in a nursery andif the parents split up and the mother came in saying that she didnt want the father to collect them, we had to refuse the father if they weren't married or didnt have it from the courts. It still happens sometimes now, and i always feel really sorry for the fathers.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    donut wrote: »
    I totally agree. Up until a few years ago it didnt even count if you registered the birth together. I work in a nursery andif the parents split up and the mother came in saying that she didnt want the father to collect them, we had to refuse the father if they weren't married or didnt have it from the courts. It still happens sometimes now, and i always feel really sorry for the fathers.



    that sucks, but no offence or anything but if someone tried to stop me picking up my own child they would end up with half there teeth missing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    that sucks, but no offence or anything but if someone tried to stop me picking up my own child they would end up with half there teeth missing.

    If thats the case the police end up involved cos by law were only allowed to let a child go with anyone that someone who the person/s with parental responsabilty permit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    donut wrote: »
    If thats the case the police end up involved cos by law were only allowed to let a child go with anyone that someone who the person/s with parental responsabilty permit



    Yeah i know, the law sucks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its awful as well cos sometimes we can see that the father is genuinly upset by it, and we often think the child would be better off with them cos of how they treat their children.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    that sucks, but no offence or anything but if someone tried to stop me picking up my own child they would end up with half there teeth missing.

    do you see the*irony of your statement?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    do you see the*irony of your statement?

    Not at all???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you not sure whether you can or can not?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    do you see the*irony of your statement?
    lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    Thats really unfair.

    not really, cos otherwise you could have any bloke come expecting rights over some child after a one night stand if he hadnt even been involved with the mother.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not really, cos otherwise you could have any bloke come expecting rights over some child after a one night stand if he hadnt even been involved with the mother.



    If he is the father then he should have those rights,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    If he is the father then he should have those rights,
    Even if the father is a danger to the child's life?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Territt wrote: »
    If he is the father then he should have those rights,

    an ejaculation gives you no rights
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    Are you not sure whether you can or can not?

    what would you do if you were treated like that with your kids?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    an ejaculation gives you no rights

    are you saying the instant when a woman gets fucked she gets more rights than when a man ejaculates?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    Even if the father is a danger to the child's life?

    But if a mother is a danger to a child the father has no rights to protect the child without the courts?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    not really, cos otherwise you could have any bloke come expecting rights over some child after a one night stand if he hadnt even been involved with the mother.

    Such a silly statement to make. I guess women don't have one night stands.:rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    an ejaculation gives you no rights

    I'm sure you're probably playing devil's advocate...

    but if it gives you no right, how come by law even if it was just an ejaculation you still have to provide for the child. I mean, there's even been cases where the father is the main carer and the wife has still tried to claim child support. But I'm playing devil's advocate too, just debating for the heck of it tonight.

    As it stands the law is not exactly fair with regards to father's rights but I doubt it will be changed until it becomes a political point. But that's not to say a father has no recourse in the law, just get your name on the birth certificate first and then see what can happen from there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has always seemed women are ignorant to the fathers right to be honest. I think it's a natural instinct or something but it's annoyig as hell.

    If i was you i'd play by some rules.

    1) Always stay in contact and take an interest (goes without saying if you love the child)

    2) NEVER become agressive, always be the sensible one. play by the book

    3) Constantly appeal to her and the courts when it happens, write down how you feel about this whole situation and only talk facts to the court, try to make it clear that the best place for this child is with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what would you do if you were treated like that with your kids?

    Are you asking me if my right to parent my child overrides an innocent persons right to go about their life in a free and non-violent envirnment whilst carefully exectuting their job in accordance with the law and child safety measures?

    I don't think a person should punch an innocent childcarer in the face for adhering to what I consider to be well thought out safety laws, nope. As a parent I'd be more than distressed if the people I entrusted my child's care to then handed my child over to a person other than myself or persons nonimated by myself whose identity has been verified with that childcarer. Thankfully the school and afterschool club I do send my child to agree with me. If the 'sperm donor' of my child turned up at my child's shool or after school club or babysitters door he would be turned away and then the police notified if he caused any more fuss, and I would hope charges would be pressed if he resorted to violence. I take it you dissagree?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has always seemed women are ignorant to the fathers right to be honest. I think it's a natural instinct or something but it's annoyig as hell.

    If i was you i'd play by some rules.

    1) Always stay in contact and take an interest (goes without saying if you love the child)

    2) NEVER become agressive, always be the sensible one. play by the book

    3) Constantly appeal to her and the courts when it happens, write down how you feel about this whole situation and only talk facts to the court, try to make it clear that the best place for this child is with you.

    posting at the same time, it seems you do agree with me then. So, what was the question for I wonder?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    an ejaculation gives you no rights
    Please, I *really* hope you don't mean that... :no:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do mean that.

    If two people have sex, and are not in a relationship, never see each other, she bears that child for 40 long weeks, then gives birth, she is its mother. She is 99% of the time the best person to parent that child.
    The man could come up and say, hey I came inside you 9mths ago, I have as much rights as you do. Id be very tempted to tell them to fuck off.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do mean that.

    If two people have sex, and are not in a relationship, never see each other, she bears that child for 40 long weeks, then gives birth, she is its mother. She is 99% of the time the best person to parent that child.
    The man could come up and say, hey I came inside you 9mths ago, I have as much rights as you do. Id be very tempted to tell them to fuck off.

    What if the child got older and wanted to know their dad? By telling their "sperm donor" to fuck off, you've instantly wiped out half of their medical and social history, as well as their right to know their dad. Some kids may be ok with that, others may not.

    I don't think a one night stand gives the man the right to take full custody of the child or anything like that, but I think unless there's a valid reason for him to be cut out of the child's life (like violence, drugs, etc) then he needs to be given a chance, if only for the child's sake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do mean that.

    If two people have sex, and are not in a relationship, never see each other, she bears that child for 40 long weeks, then gives birth, she is its mother. She is 99% of the time the best person to parent that child.
    The man could come up and say, hey I came inside you 9mths ago, I have as much rights as you do. Id be very tempted to tell them to fuck off.

    Presumably you feel that the bloke should be able to tell her to fuck off, when she comes up to him and says "you came in me 9 months ago, I want X% of your salary in child support?" The father either has responsibilities and rights, or neither. The idea that an ejaculation gives you no rights is an interesting one, but it has the inevitable consequence that it also gives you no responsibilities. If your belief is that a father who wasn't involved in the pregnancy doesn't have any rights, then you have absolutely no right to complain about any man who ever dodged child support payments.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lea_uk wrote: »
    Even if the father is a danger to the child's life?

    What sort of question is that? What if the mother is a danger to the child's life? What has that got to do with anything?
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