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Inappropriate birthday present

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
OK... My girlfriend receveid a birthday present from one of her male freinds the other day, turned out it was some porn and a rampant rabbit (also included a slightly inappropriate card).

I was a bit annoyed with this, and told her so. She said it was just a joke and that he does it every year, but could see where I was coming from. I didn't say that I think he should stop, I just said I wanted her to know I wasn't happy with it.

Thinking about it more though, I am really unhappy with it, and I think he's overstepped a line. I want to tell her that I think he should stop doing this and she should have a word with him, but of course now i'm not sure if i'm over-reacting.

I'd like to know what you guys think. Is this inappropriate? Am I right to be a bit pissed and want her to tell him to stop doing it, or am I over-reacting to the whole thing? also, seeing as we've already gone through the whole situation, is it wise to bring it back up again? Should I just leave it be, even though i'm not happy with how it ended?

Thanks!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah id say that was a bit weird and implied some sort of "special friendship"
    if it ISNT that sort of freindship id say she might be a bit naieve
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is he the type of lad who is 'one of the girls'? I don't necessarily mean gay either. Some blokes just have an extrovert sense of humour if you get what I mean. It was a pretty strange present but some friends are just like that. It doesn't have to mean there is any real meaning attached to it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is he the type of lad who is 'one of the girls'? I don't necessarily mean gay either. Some blokes just have an extrovert sense of humour if you get what I mean. It was a pretty strange present but some friends are just like that. It doesn't have to mean there is any real meaning attached to it.

    From what I've gathered there's nothing going on between them and he's just a good friend. I'm not particularly worried about there being a meaning behind the presents, I just thought they were inappropriate.

    I guess that she does kind of see him as that kind of friend though, sort of 'one of the girls' (ironically she has very few female friends, they're pretty much all male).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whetehr you think it's inappropiate or not, as long as you don't think anything else is untoward, espcially if she says it's the sort of thing he does every year, then you there's nothing really you can do apart from accept it.

    Doesn't sound too far from sort fo stuff i've got my two best mates for their birthdays before.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm the fact it's a vibrator seems to me like it really is just a jokey present. If it was the original copy of her favourite book then I would be more worried. I can see why it pissed you off though but just laugh along with it as it's probably harmless.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can see why it pissed you off though but just laugh along with it as it's probably harmless.

    If it was just this time I think it'd be easier to just laugh off and accept, but I know this is going to happen every year, and piss me off every year. I wasn't sure if it was better to say, 'ok that's funny, but stop doing it from now on'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    would you have this problem if it was just a girl who was a friend? im not trying to be harsh but you said he is pretty much 'one of the girls' so i guess you have to accept there is no harm with it. the vibrator itself seems a jokey present, if you have reason enough to be bothered about the message in the card then i would talk about that. but really it just seems like a joke sorta thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if it pisses you off, say something. im sure she wouldnt want to hurt you and it isnt much to ask, that her male friends dont give her sexual gifts
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote: »
    If it was just this time I think it'd be easier to just laugh off and accept, but I know this is going to happen every year, and piss me off every year. I wasn't sure if it was better to say, 'ok that's funny, but stop doing it from now on'.

    I don't think the big green eyed monster routine would go down very well really. If it's always been like this then why worry about it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why is it inappropriate?

    You could have some fun together with it.

    I'd be chuffed with a sex toy for my birthday
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    red_jelly wrote: »
    If it was just this time I think it'd be easier to just laugh off and accept, but I know this is going to happen every year, and piss me off every year. I wasn't sure if it was better to say, 'ok that's funny, but stop doing it from now on'.

    I see what you're saying .. maybe you could play along and for his birthday get him something kinky as a joke?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got some good male friends who would do that kind of thing. I'd also be royally pissed off if my OH tried to tell me what my friends could get me as presents.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know my boyfriend would be pissed off and I wouldn't blame him. That sort of thing is intimate and reserved for couples IMO
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got some good male friends who would do that kind of thing. I'd also be royally pissed off if my OH tried to tell me what my friends could get me as presents.
    I agree. I don't think you have any right to be 'annoyed' - it wasn't addressed to you, it's not a present for you, it's for her birthday. What her friends buy her is entirely up to them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's the kind of thing I'd buy somebody for a laugh, would probably get them something "nice" aswell though or give them a nice card.

    I'm sure I actually bought 1983 something smutty one Xmas actually :chin:

    I might not buy it for somebody with a boyfriend though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    really, am I the only one whod be a bit weirded out if my partners opposite-sex-friend got them sexual flirty presents?
    I mean obviously in reality you cant stop anyone, partner or not, doing anything they want to,sleeping around if they want, noones got the right to impose themselves on anyone "really", but in reality, in a relationship its a bit different.
    Likewise, even if I had a male friend who i was all flirty with, if they got a partner, theres some things you just totally tone down, otherwise their partner ends up hating you, unsurprisingly
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    really, am I the only one whod be a bit weirded out if my partners opposite-sex-friend got them sexual flirty presents?

    No. I'd probably feel the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    really, am I the only one whod be a bit weirded out if my partners opposite-sex-friend got them sexual flirty presents?

    :no: Id find it totally inappropriate, I'm surprised that so many people don't
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He must spend a fair bit every year if hes doing that often!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Would you be as upset if it had been a female friend who'd bought the porn and the vibrator?

    For what its worth, I think the friend probably did overstep the mark (I'd be weirded if any of her friends bought her a dildo), but I'm more interested in your reaction of complete anger and rage. If a girl had bought it then I don't think you'd be angry. That shows a certain amount of insecurity on your part, really you kinda need to work out what you're worried about.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Would you be as upset if it had been a female friend who'd bought the porn and the vibrator?

    For what its worth, I think the friend probably did overstep the mark (I'd be weirded if any of her friends bought her a dildo), but I'm more interested in your reaction of complete anger and rage. If a girl had bought it then I don't think you'd be angry. That shows a certain amount of insecurity on your part, really you kinda need to work out what you're worried about.

    I don't think it's insecurity, I doubt there's any fella in the world who wouldn't freak out if their girlfriends male friend bought them a dildo and gave an inappropriate letter for their birthday.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »

    but I'm more interested in your reaction of complete anger and rage.

    What on earth are you on about? There was no anger and rage. He's expressed that he's not happy about it and should he say anything. Where did the anger and rage come into it??? :eek2:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He did save you the time of purchasing viagra later in life :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Would you be as upset if it had been a female friend who'd bought the porn and the vibrator?

    I would be really weireded out if my female riends bought it for me - and i'm a girl - but then i dont' really have that sort of relationship with my female friends - let alone my male ones - I would be seriously weirded out and i think that my husband would justifiably go completely mental.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote: »
    :no: Id find it totally inappropriate, I'm surprised that so many people don't
    If anyone bought anything liek that for my gf i would be pretty pissed off as well, whether she was planning on using it or not imo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't think it would bother me. Just one to laugh off, especially if he is 'one of the girls' etc etc etc
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