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Break up

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Id been living with my now ex partner for nearly 2 years.

We had been fighting for a couple of months and he decided that he had enough of my mood swings etc. So he walked out without telling me. I walked in to find the flat half empty and thought that we had been burgled. I phoned him and he answered and when i said "whats happening" he said "what do you think i've moved out, I cant cope with your mood swings and need some space.

I contacted his father and boss (once) to find out where he had moved to as he owed me money as he wasnt answering my calls. He contacted me and he gave me some money but hasnt paid the full debt off yet.

We met up a couple of weeks ago and talked he said he loved me and wanted to take things slow, but then no texts. Started to get annoyed with him as he hasnt given me anymore money, so texted him to say can i have some more money, no response.

Texted him this week to say can we talk, miss you and he replied been really busy cause of deadlines etc.

I've just got my working tax credit through and its not enough to boost my money up to cover living costs, and i've had to text him asking if we can meet up and talk.

I cant afford to pay his debt off.

Thing is in the back of my mind i do miss him and would like to retry the relationship and might be able to give it a go!

Update:
Rang him on another phone and answered. Asked him if we could talk (but hes at work so not at the moment). Asked him if he could pay some off his debt off he said should be able to ring you later

Reading other peoples stories on here as helped as i dont feel as though i am the only one going through this.


:crying:
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like the money talk is putting him off if that is when he goes quiet. could mean that he doesn't want to get back with you and is hoping that if he isn't talking to you will forget he owes you money.

    if you want to get back with him then u need to have that talk without money getting involved in the conversation as that is a seperate issue. If you don't want to get back with him then obviously u need to talk about the money stuff.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for advice.

    It might sound stupid but his car tax renewal turned up and i texted him to tell him and he didnt reply.

    It could be that hes so busy at work that he doesnt have anytime for anything, and needs space, but i cant walk round with my face tripping me up all the time!!!!:banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i admitted defeat last night, and asked my parents if i could move back home. Financial reasons, and a bit of company. (Had a few tears and fell a bit of a failure but its for the best).

    Woke up this morning to find my car broke into. Texted the ex to tell him and within 5 - 10 mins he texted me back. Ive asked him to find out what make it is and he said he would when he gets home, ive told him im moving out the flat.

    I texted him to say that i needed a cuddle. :mad:
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hey Carrie,
    It sounds like you've made a really brave move and it's completely natural for you to be experiencing these conflicting emotions at the moment. It's also natural to feel like the end of a relationship as you've known it is a failure, when actually often it's just a case that things change for people and just because a relationship has been really good doesn't mean you're obliged to stick with it if it's no longer a positive one - you haven't failed at all.

    As for contacting your boy to say you needed a cuddle - please don't beat yourself up about this. It really can take a while to get used to not relying on someone you've been really close to for affection, but in time it's likely that your feelings about this will change - it will probably also help to have you Mum's support. This is a good time to turn to close friends too.

    There really isn't a set time for you to deal with these things, and when you've been living with someone it can certainly feel like more of a big deal, so take things at your own pace and perhaps take a look at these articles for further support:

    Accepting it's over

    Mending a broken heart

    Take good care of yourself :) x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things are a bit crazy at the mo. Moving into my mums, trying to get the car fixed and then trying to sell the big items from the flat.

    I met up with my ex on friday night and we went for a drive. We talked, (said that he wanted me to start going over to his once a week) cuddled and kissed laughed. He wanted more but I didnt do anything but tease him until he was begging for sex. Then i still refused. He ended up relieving himself on the countryside hills. He asked if i would be his sex slave, but im not going down that road.

    He mentioned something about how i got turned on, where i mentioned that by looking at him turned me on. Which shocked him as he hadnt realised. He went very quite.

    Havent been in contact with him, been going out with my mates and having a laugh and trying to get things sorted out with the flat extra.

    :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The first of my bits and pieces have been sold today.

    A bit of lump in my throat!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hes just texted so no text since the other nite u ok?

    Gonna ignore him for a couple of hours and give him a reply
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We ended up texting all night.

    He was on the way back from dropping the girls off down south.

    He was tired and sore so suggested a massage, but there was a traffic accident so we didnt meet up

    :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know to an extent there are still practical things tying you together but my advice to you would be definitely stop meeting up with him to cuddle/kiss/etc. After my boyfriend and I split up we did this for a while because I was desperate to keep any sort of contact going, I guess I thought he'd eventually realise he'd made a mistake and want us to get back together - in actual fact he was just having his cake and eating it in that he got all the sexual stuff but none of the hassle of actually being in a proper relationship (he was also sleeping with someone else at the same time because officially he was single :rolleyes: ) To cut a long story short it made me feel like I was being used and prolonged the heartache of realising it was completely over because I kept on kidding myself for so long. The best thing to do is cut off contact completely as far as possible. I know you'll miss the physical closeness of being with him but believe me, that gets easier to deal with and the longer you put off doing that the harder it will be when you do have to accept it's over. You're worth more than being someone's "sex slave" anyway don't you think? Do you really want to be with someone who only wants you for that reason?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StupidGirl wrote: »
    I know to an extent there are still practical things tying you together but my advice to you would be definitely stop meeting up with him to cuddle/kiss/etc. After my boyfriend and I split up we did this for a while because I was desperate to keep any sort of contact going, I guess I thought he'd eventually realise he'd made a mistake and want us to get back together - in actual fact he was just having his cake and eating it in that he got all the sexual stuff but none of the hassle of actually being in a proper relationship (he was also sleeping with someone else at the same time because officially he was single :rolleyes: ) To cut a long story short it made me feel like I was being used and prolonged the heartache of realising it was completely over because I kept on kidding myself for so long. The best thing to do is cut off contact completely as far as possible. I know you'll miss the physical closeness of being with him but believe me, that gets easier to deal with and the longer you put off doing that the harder it will be when you do have to accept it's over. You're worth more than being someone's "sex slave" anyway don't you think? Do you really want to be with someone who only wants you for that reason?

    Very true.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i know ive got to except its over and like you in the back of my mind im thinking he might come back as hes made a mistake.

    Its stupid to live in hope and denial.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not stupid...human :)
    You're making the right decision. It will be hard, but overall you'll feel better about yourself if you're strong and walk away - get on with your life and one day you'll find someone who appreciates you for everything you are, not just as a means to have sex. If I can do it (and God knows I found it tough at first, but it taught me so much and made me a stronger, more confident person) then you can too. Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just want to clarify that he was joking about the sex slave thing!!!

    We were texting again last night.

    This is harder than i thought it would be!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just want to clarify that he was joking about the sex slave thing!!!

    We were texting again last night.

    This is harder than i thought it would be!!!

    Why cant i have my cake and eat it as well!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, he may have been joking, but that to me speaks volumes - if he was a decent person who could see how much the break-up had upset you, he wouldn't be making jokes like that at all. I know I can't tell you what to do (when it happened to me, I didn't listen to anyone and learnt the hard way) but if I were in your situation now I wouldn't be texting him or anything at all. Look at it from this point of view, how's he going to realise what he's lost if you don't give him a chance to miss you? By breaking up with you, he's lost the right to your time and effort I think. With my ex I had to make the decision, "right, you've chosen not to be with me, therefore you don't get any of the benefits that that entails". Why should he get what he wants, which is the fun and excitement of sexy text-chat and random liaisons when he's not willing to give you what you want, which is a relationship? Why should it all be on his terms? I'm not going to try and convince you any more - at the end of the day you'll realise it in your own time, like I had to. I just hope for your own sake that you don't fall too hard when that happens. Look after yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am listening to your advice and appreciate what you are saying and dont want to fall hard, and im not going to make excusses for myself cause ive been down this road before and should know better by now!!!!

    When you have it you dont want it when you dont have it you want it!!!

    Its like going cold turkey or addiction.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know - believe me I completely get how hard it is, it's one of the toughest things I've ever had to do. You can do it though - you sound like you really want to make things better for yourself so I reckon you'll get there :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its the mind that hasnt switched off from him yet. That will go eventually (I hope)

    What do they say mind over matter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He texted over the weekend asking if I was ok. Ignored him. He texted back saying are you ignoring me, but i havent replied.

    Really proud of myself as i couldnt find the garage where it had to go to be assessed for repairs. Normally i would text him and ask him but i didnt asked a couple of people and found it myself!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well done! That is fantastic - I know how hard that must have been to do and I am proud of you. Shows you are stronger than you thought, especially the part about asking people the way to the garage rather than texting your ex. Nice one :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is so many things i want to tell him, but have got to resist
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The way he walked out, it seems he's frustrated and wanted to make a point by just getting up a leaving.

    You need to think about what's for the best. You should go to him and speak to him on an honest basis. Respect how he feels and ask him to be honest to you. I think in general you two ashould have atleast a month of near zero contact to see how you feel afterwards, then you can reflect on it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think what i want to say to him

    Why keep in contact when you've made it clear that you dont want a relationship with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So you can get some closure on the whole situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well the majority of the stuff has been moved out of my flat, that really hurt.

    I know a lot of you are going to think this is crazy and a lot of people may say you shouldnt have, but i texted him today saying not ignoring you been trying to get things sorted out. I dont know what u want from me. No contact or friends.

    If he doesnt reply then no contact

    If he replies and says no contact then fine

    If he replies and says friends then fine

    If he replies saying more then friends fine

    This is gonna hurt but, at least i know were i stand and can get on and start to enjoy life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He asked if he could reverse the question and asked what do i want

    I replied u

    No answer

    So i texted him saying if you dont want me in your life and everything you hold dear to your heart i will leave you in peace be happy xxx

    I think ive had my closure
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He replied saying that he didnt know what he wanted and I told him that the way we were at the mo (texting and meeting up) was not health, and asked if he wanted a month of no contact, he said it was up to me.

    I replied well you've got what you want working all day and coming home. Me ive got the best of both worlds working, meeting friends going out etc.

    So ive deleted his number and gonna try and get on with things.

    Keeping myself busy going out with my friends, shopping, getting drunk going for meals etc.

    Im waking up thinking about him, but as the showgirls would say "The show must go on"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're doing well, honestly. You may feel like it's slow progress but at least you're making progress and doing all the right things, like keeping yourself busy and seeing your mates. My mates were fantastic when it happened to me and made me realise how lucky I was to have them. I know it's easy for me to say but it will get better and before you know it you'll realise you've gone half a day without thinking about him, then a whole day, then maybe even a couple of days or whatever. You'll get there I promise :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah my mates have been great. In total there has been about 10 relationship breakups between all of us in the last couple of months so everyone is going through the same thing. Most be something in the water!!!
    LOL
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Found his passport last night in my paperwork, being such a nice person i texted him saying i found his passport does he want it. He replied Yes please, I answered how do you want to collect it. He replied up to you dont mind i answered u tell me when and ill c if im free, he answered I have to get home cut grass eat and shower so am going to be busy till at least 8 ish. I replied cant to 2nite meeting up with someone. He answered Anytime this week then dating again huh. I answered no im not seeing anyone. Anyway uve made it clear u dont know what u want.
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