Getting with a close friend..

Former Member

WAH!

Saturday night I got very drunk and ended up getting with my closest lad mate. We didn't have sex as far as I know but other things happened. It was good but weird at the same time. I've never thought of him like that before but other people have said he likes me but I just ignored it as I liked his friend.

I text him about an hour ago just to say thanks becuase he bought me quite a few drinks so I thought I would be polite but he didn't reply.

Has any one else got with a close friend before and what happened after?

I really don't want our friendship to be over cos I really like him (as a friend) I don't want it to be awkward either!

I do regret it to be honest and I think he might do as well which is gonna be awkward and horrible .. What do you think?

I'm really confused now .. also to complicate matters I was with his best friend for a while but then it didn't work out and I don't want him to find out because he's always going on about how there's something going on between me and Aaron and now it will seem like there is !

Former Member

Maybe he's just embarrassed? If he does really like you, it's quite possible he may have been waiting for this moment to come for quite some time; perhaps he's not sure how to act next, because he doesn't know what your feelings are towards him.

I've had sex with an old male friend in the past, despite never having been attracted to him - it was a drunken mistake and the both of us just decided to pretend that it never happened. It was a mutual decision between us both; perhaps you just need to be brave and confront him about what happened?

Do you have any feelings towards him now, bearing in mind that it didn't work out with his mate?

Former Member

not really to be honest .. I like him but not like him like him and I'm not really attracted to him

thanks for your reply though

Former Member

The quicker you clear the air the better, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he has feelings for you he needs to hear that you dont soon otherwise it could get weird.

Former Member

budda wrote: »

The quicker you clear the air the better, you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he has feelings for you he needs to hear that you dont soon otherwise it could get weird.

Completely agree with this, especially since you don't have any romantic (aww) feelings towards the guy. Let him down gently and hopefully you can both move on.

Former Member

Also bear in mind that he might say that he wants to still be freinds if he likes you lots - but still harbour romantic feelings for you...

Former Member

Thanks everyone

Yeah next time I see him I will say something but not sure what to say something like, 'shall we just forget about last saturday? we were both a bit drunk weren't we?' ?

He didn't text back anyway at least I know he's probably regretting it as well which makes things easier all round

Former Member

That he didn't answer could mean anything... it depends what your text said.

Former Member

xicoperez wrote: »

That he didn't answer could mean anything... it depends what your text said.

I said something like, 'Hey just to say thanks for saturday night (cos he bought me loads of drinks, paid for my club entry and that so it would be rude not to) it was a funny night x'

and then he didn't reply all week then friday night/ saturday very early morning I got a drunk call

I was asleep anyway so I didn't answer then satuday night/ early sunday morning I rang him then he rang me back later, came to meet me but I was like five minutes late and just as I turned up he walked off! Weirdo.

Former Member

maybe he thinks you're a weirdo because of the way you've acted?

Former Member

TheNameless wrote: »

maybe he thinks you're a weirdo because of the way you've acted?

really? i guess so it's just a confusing situaton

tbh i can't be fucked with it at the moment so i don't think i'll bother with him till he bothers with me it's annoying though because we were really good friends (or so I thought!)

Former Member

With the information I have I would say:

a) He likes you but is insecure about the whole situation.

b) He does not like you and does not know how to tell you without losing your friendship.

Both situations would explain why he ran away from your meeting when you were late.

JustThinking..X wrote: »

tbh i can't be fucked with it at the moment so i don't think i'll bother with him till he bothers with me

In either case I think you should bother, what happened is as much your responsibility as it is his.

If you deal with it and it turns out to be the first option the conversation will be difficult and… well, to put it bluntly, your friendship as you know it will be over.

If the second option turns out to be true well then you will have that in common and it will strengthen the relationship.

But doing nothing will create stress and resentment for both of you making the inevitable conversation much worse than it could be, and you are risking hurting him (in the above mentioned first case) or not getting your friendship back.

It has been two weeks now. You should talk to him.

Former Member

So many friendships around the world must've gone down the pan due to people thinking like this:

"can't be fucked with it at the moment so i don't think i'll bother with him till he bothers with me"

If he was your closest male friend, you'd definitely want to sort it out. Good friends are hard to find.

Take the first step - get in touch. He could well be feeling very awkward about this, and us chaps are often not the best at communicating.

Former Member

It's very likely that he's feeling very very awkward about the whole thing. He fancies you, he's been with you and you sending him a text saying it was a "funny night" will not have been nice for him to see.

If he's got closer to what he wants, only to find you were just pissed and it meant nothing, then that will really really hurt him. It certainly doesn't sound like he can't be bothered, it sounds like he is very very fragile about the whole thing.

Most men go funny after something like this happens. I know I went very funny because I was scared of making the next move, showing my weakness, even though we'd slept together. You need to talk to him.

Former Member

xicoperez wrote: »

With the information I have I would say:

a) He likes you but is insecure about the whole situation.

b) He does not like you and does not know how to tell you without losing your friendship.

Both situations would explain why he ran away from your meeting when you were late.



In either case I think you should bother, what happened is as much your responsibility as it is his.

If you deal with it and it turns out to be the first option the conversation will be difficult and… well, to put it bluntly, your friendship as you know it will be over.

If the second option turns out to be true well then you will have that in common and it will strengthen the relationship.

But doing nothing will create stress and resentment for both of you making the inevitable conversation much worse than it could be, and you are risking hurting him (in the above mentioned first case) or not getting your friendship back.

It has been two weeks now. You should talk to him.

Thanks yeah I think I should speak to him, how should I go about it though do you reckon? Ring him in the week or something?

My best friend isn't being very supportive about the whole thing at all cos she doesn't with him and she can't see why my friendship with him is important so that makes things difficult.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

It's very likely that he's feeling very very awkward about the whole thing. He fancies you, he's been with you and you sending him a text saying it was a "funny night" will not have been nice for him to see.

If he's got closer to what he wants, only to find you were just pissed and it meant nothing, then that will really really hurt him. It certainly doesn't sound like he can't be bothered, it sounds like he is very very fragile about the whole thing.

Most men go funny after something like this happens. I know I went very funny because I was scared of making the next move, showing my weakness, even though we'd slept together. You need to talk to him.

Thanks for both of yours and G angels advice after reading all of that I definately will speak to him.

Former Member

JustThinking..X wrote: »

Thanks for both of yours and G angels advice after reading all of that I definately will speak to him.

I hope it gets sorted

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

It's very likely that he's feeling very very awkward about the whole thing. He fancies you, he's been with you and you sending him a text saying it was a "funny night" will not have been nice for him to see.

If he's got closer to what he wants, only to find you were just pissed and it meant nothing, then that will really really hurt him. It certainly doesn't sound like he can't be bothered, it sounds like he is very very fragile about the whole thing.

Most men go funny after something like this happens. I know I went very funny because I was scared of making the next move, showing my weakness, even though we'd slept together. You need to talk to him.

You're bang on as usual, I was about to write something similar.

Former Member

Got into a kinda similar situation.
After realising what had happened I sent him a text saying we needed to talk. Was really weird, not really knowing what to say at the time. But, got to say what I had to say. And I'd like to think that I was lucky enough that he hasn't gone funny with me, but yeah things are more or less back to how they were.
Just get everything of your chest, then you've done yours, and how he reacts after is his choice.
Good luck.