Toys, Part 2.

Former Member

Hey again guys, following on from my last post.

I have been chatting with the girl I have been seeing for a while now over MSN as she is coming back to UNI/Where I am on Wednesday.

We started talking about sexual things, and it came up that at the moment she does not really know what turns her on. She also said that last time we were together and just played around a little, that she enjoyed it...but that her mind was not completely into it, and that she was not completely turned on.

I then asked her if she has ever used a vibrator, and she said no... so we are considering maybe getting the rampant rabbit to try and get her turned on by using it as a couple... and maybe even getting her an orgasm, and through this trying to get her to not be quite so nervous about sex.

She also told me that she thinks sex is a bit disgusting,


I will happily get her this toy If I think it will help her to discover what turns her on, but I'm just not sure.

I have tried everything I can think of to try and relax her and turn her on, from playing with her hair, kissing her neck, face...gentle rubbing of her breasts and vagina...feeling her all over...etc:

but she claims to not really be getting turned on. The main reason I have suggested (and she does seem interested) in the rabbit, is because of the reviews it has gotten.

I'm not really sure what advice I am looking for, I just...I dunno...am stuck for what to do.

Former Member

This girl is in need of sexual therapy to come to understand why she finds sex disgusting. The younger counseling is sought for this problem the quicker it can be overcome. In the meantime be patient and do not pressure her into what she doesn't want to do. (Not that I'm saying you are). Hope you get this issue solved.

Former Member

I think there are underlying issues here that can't be fixed with a vibrator (and the rabbit is shite by the way).

Former Member

Anyone else have a suggestion or opinion on this:(

Since last night when she went off line for dinner, she has not been back on. We were mid-way through chatting about this and she just left, which is unlike her. When I text her later last night asking if she would come back on to chat for a while she said she was revising.

Is she peeved at me:(

Former Member

Thanks all, I am talking to her at the moment and hopefully slowly working through things.

Former Member

Good luck.

To be honest with you, I think the rabbit will probably intimidate the poor girl, especially if she's still not sure what she does and does not like sexually. I agree with the above posters that there seems to be some sort of underlying problem... she thinks sex is disgusting? That's something she needs to work through herself without any added pressure (and I, too, have to agree that I don't think you're putting the pressure on; you seem to be very understanding and patient with her).

She probably just needs a bit of confidence and, I'd go so far to say, a bit of time on her own, in her room, with the door locked.

Former Member

Just an update.

She said she wanted the rabbit...I gave her one...she tried it on her own...

and the result in text form when I asked her how it went was:

'It's too noisy, I don't even know why you would want to have sex with me, I don't even want it that much, it scares me, I feel dread when I remember you want it'

This is despite me assuring her that I just want her to be happy, and to try out new things...the rabbit was even after she said she had wanted to try something like that for a while.

I give up.

Former Member

i would say don't give up, just tone things down a little. She obviously has some funny ideas about sex and it may take awhile for her to feel comfortable doing it. If she thinks sex is dirty and dreads doing it though you may have a long wait for now. Don't put pressure on her and let her set the pace. If things don't get any better maybe some counselling would help her find out why she has put up barriers against sex.

Former Member

Remind her that sex is a plesant, pleasureable thing that could be really enjoyable for both of you!

Try and talk to her about where her negative views of sex orginated from (It sounds like you've been trying already) but don't try and force the subject.

If she's never enjoyed anything sexual with herself before, then jumping straight in with a vibrator probably wasn't the best thing to do.. it's not gonna do alot for you if you're scared, not turned on, and don't really know what you're doing..

try and suggest she experiments alone - for her own gain, not just for you two.

Former Member

I would say the issues are probably to do with whats in her mind than whats in / on her body. She might feel good down there but it needs to connect in her brain and it seems some issues are blocking that. I don't have a solution really, I know it's not that unusual for girls (and guys, I guess, but I wouldn't know) to have emotional or mental hangups and struggling to 'relax' and in some cases even find the -idea- completely unpleasant.

There could be a lot of reasons for this. One thing you could try is dropping it for a bit and getting more intimate in a non sexual way i.e. spend time together, become almost like best friends. As she trusts you more she may open up to it.

The idea of sexual therapy may work but I wouldn't know..

Former Member

take this with a huge pinch of salt, but it sounds like she has been through some major sexual trauma, and does need therapy. she does need to explore, and find out for herself what turns her on. I'm more than sexually inciated, and i'm still finding new things that turn me on. Its an on going experiance. but it does sound like she has problems from past stuff...i don't want to say breach the subject with her because it might really freak her out but...well if someone else can give a sugestion about how to approach it...

Former Member

Maybe she's just asexual. One of the mods (Pearly maybe) posted a link to an TheSite article about that. I think some asexuals find sex disgusting.

Or she's just shy and needs time. Maybe taking the best-friends approach may be better at this point. Don't pressurize her or it'll just make it worse