my dads leaving

Former Member

my dads just told me that he's leaving my mum, hes moving to leistershire tomorow to be with an old fiance. Ive been expecting it for a while but now its actually happened its just such a shock i cant stop shaking. My mum only earns £7000 a year i dont know how shes going to manage, shes not exactly a practical person and i know its going to be up to me to sort things out like benefits and housing cos she cant really stay in a 3 bed house by herself and i just dont know where to start. Im away at uni till june so i cant even move in with her and help out, least not until then. I just feel totally lost i havent spoken to her yet im too scared, in the past 4 years ive had to get her through my sisters death and that was hard enough and now i just dont feel like i can face this.

Former Member

im really sorry to hear that. What a difficult time for you and your mum. I hope you can be there for each other

Former Member

hey there, really sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Even if you were expecting it, it’s still a massive shock when something like this finally happens. People react to family break up in so many different ways. Your mum's lucky she’s got such a concerned daughter. If you can take that first step of talking things through (even though it’s scary) you should find it much easier to begin to deal with what happens next. She may well have been expecting this too. There’s loads of places you can go to for advice on benefits and housing and easy ways to find out what she’ll be entitled to. It’s hard that you can’t be there in person to support her but from what you’ve been through in the past its likely she knows you are thinking of her and together you will be able to move on. Remember you don’t have to fix everything at once and give yourself some time to take it all in.

Former Member

hey, thanks for the advice im going home tomorow morning for the weekend so hopefully we'll be able to get things sorted a bit over the weekend, or at least work out a plan of some kind.

Former Member

Best of luck, I can relate to -a lot- of what you're going through. I don't know any practical advice really except that not to worry, because somehow we managed to pull through, and things are starting to pick up now. I hope you're ok.

Former Member

I know what you are going through. I felt physically sick for days after something similar happened to my family

Former Member

whats really getting to me about all this is that he hasnt taken anything with him, only a bag of clothes. He said to mum that he was starting a new life and he didnt need to take any of his old stuff with him, it feels like his whole life with us has to be forgotten. He told me he wanted to stay in touch but all ive got is his phone number, his new woman doesnt want us to have their address so i have no idea even where he is.

Former Member

Firstly I'm really really sorry to hear that, it doesn't mean much from a total stranger and I won't say I know what you're going through and I hope I never have to.

However, it sounds like your dad is a complete and utter cock. No offence. How he can leave someone he's been with for years and his own child, especially after losing another one of his other children. I know it's going to be extremely difficult, but take the advice given above and try to move on without him. Don't expect him back and try to focus on looking after yourself as well as your mum. Eventually it will feel much easier (although the pain will never completely go) and you'll realize you are both better off without him.

Can I ask, you said you had been expecting it, how exactly? Has he done this kind of thing before? Has he been saying he's going to do it?

And PLEASE PLEASE remember none of this is YOUR fault, a lot of people tend to end up blaming themselves unnecessarily, try not to get yourself into that kind of situation. Also, even if you feel ok, consider counselling, it can help to have someone you don't know to talk to.

Former Member

the reason i was expecting it was because he had been talking to her online an phonecalls since about last septeber and he would occasionally say things like "break ups dont have to be as messy as everyone thinks" and "remember whatever happpens that i love you" and when i was home last weekend he was behaving very strange and saying things like "i dont know when i'll see you again but i will" its totally out of character for him to do something like this but he said he'd been unhappy for about 15 years so i spose it was about time he did something about it. Me an mum (and my other sister, shes married and moved out already) are going to be great i think once we sort out some money.

Former Member

Good, I'm glad you're thinking positively.

As for money, you will be able to sort that out, unfortunately I know very little about that side of things. Is the house joint owned? Sell all your dads things if he's left them behind :razz:

Former Member

id definitely tell your dad that all his stuffs going to the dump, although he should have been the one to do it. I think maybe hes hoping itll all be there for him if he changes his mind or if it doesnt work out. He obviously doesnt want anyone to get any closure over this.

Former Member

Wow, your dad is an utter, utter prick.

Former Member

took a load of his books to the bookbank and dumped alot of his furnature over the past couplea days, we are rearranging the house which is quite fun really. Mum said when he told her that she would get rid of anything he left behind. he seems to have left me a few bits in my room, a money box an a really old pocket watch, seems to be things that he thought i might like to keep.