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guys at work - tricky one

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i've been at my new job for about 4 months and get on with quite a lot of people, the only thing is that i've been getting a lot of attention from the guys i work with, and i'm not used to it.

i have a boyfriend of 2 years, but there is something different, and even exciting about getting attention from other guys. i jokingly said to one of the managers about how i looked clever in my glasses and he came up close to me and said "i think you look fucking brilliant" which shocked me, but has been on my mind almost constantly, because my boyfriend would never say anything like that to me.
other guys who i work with are flirty and it's difficult to know how to react.
the place where i work is fairly normal but a large majority of the staff have a reputation for sleeping around with other staff, and i've lost count of the amount of times people have smirked when i said i have a boyfriend, and told me to 'watch out' for certain people. i laughed at the beginning but i kind of know what they mean now :S even my 'buddy' who i was paired with when i first started has a boyfriend, but she still flirts, and i was relying on her to kind of show me how to deal with these guys..

has anyone else been in the same situation? i dont want to come across as weak-minded, hopefully someone will understand how difficult this is? i can't behave like this towards other guys, because i want to act like that with my boyfriend, not randomers!

argh confusing, any girls in this situation help me out! x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nahnah wrote: »
    i have a boyfriend of 2 years, but there is something different, and even exciting about getting attention from other guys. i jokingly said to one of the managers about how i looked clever in my glasses and he came up close to me and said "i think you look fucking brilliant" which shocked me, but has been on my mind almost constantly, because my boyfriend would never say anything like that to me.

    Did it shock you in a good or bad way? Why is it on your mind, is it because you wish your boyfriend would say that sort of thing?

    I have worked in places with a similar atmosphere to what you've described and the girls who haven't been part of the 'shagging about' culture ended up being called 'snooty bitches' and one guy even said about one them that "she needs it up the arse to loosen her up a bit".

    Not saying it'll be like that in your new workplace (I very much hope it's not" but you know how some blokes can be...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do wish my boyfriend would say things like that, and behave like that, but I do realise that being in a relationship is a completely different kettle of fish! (kettle of fish... wtf?!) and you have things in a relationship that sleeping around will never come close to.
    it's just nice (and i do secretly like it matt!) to get compliments, even if they are pervy ones..
    i think it's better to stay a 'snooty bitch' rather than submit to the behaviour that everyone expects me to, atleast i'll keep some respect! and i really can imagine someone saying that 'loosen up' comment. if anything, starting work here has completely changed my opinion of men, because i used to be quite naive about it.
    hmm, i'll see what it's like tonight anyway
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nahnah wrote: »
    I do wish my boyfriend would say things like that, and behave like that, but I do realise that being in a relationship is a completely different kettle of fish!

    Although this is taking the subject off topic a little, I disagree that being in a relationship is different in that respect. A few years back I was out with my gf at the time and as I staggered home (she was fairly sober) I drunkenly slurred "You're fucking awesome, I think you're fucking amazing".

    She told me the next morning she wished I'd say that sort of thing more often while sober as it was a kind of sweet/coarse mixture thing that some women seem to like. Up until that point it wasn't the type of thing I'd say but I did as she asked and it seemed to cheer her up a bit when I did.

    The workplace is different though. OK, if you've got a good working relationship to the point of your colleagues are your mates then you might be able to get away with it but the risk of a harrassment accusation is too great IMO for me to be as informal as that while at work. Outside of work - that's different, the rules change. If the fellas at your workplace want to be like that when you socialise then that's their right (within reason).

    Matt has made a good point. You owe them nothing at all. You may have a great figure, tits that stop traffic and an arse to die for but that doesn't mean you should be seen to be putting it about. As long as your boundaries are made clear then no-one should get the wrong idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ... but the risk of a harrassment accusation is too great IMO for me to be as informal as that while at work ... As long as your boundaries are made clear then no-one should get the wrong idea.

    :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I've been told more than once that I look "cute" when I wear my glasses. I hate that word... Nonetheless, if these guys know what the boundaries are, there isn't really a problem.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aw wow, thanks for the input guys :D feel a whole lot better about it :)
    roll on getting my boyfriend more drunk than me! heheh
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    nahnah wrote: »
    (kettle of fish... wtf?!)

    lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    Well, I've been told more than once that I look "cute" when I wear my glasses. I hate that word....
    Gotta agree with that. American girls can just about get away with it, but if you're trying to compliment a bloke, then cute really is the last word you should be using.
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