Mum/Grandmum not getting along

Former Member

My mum and my grandmum (my dad's mum) have never liked each other, but it's become really awful! When we stayed with them for christmas, they spoilt everything by fighting all through my birthday and not talking to each other at all on Christmas day. My dad was really upset, my brother was crying and my grandad just withdrew into a shell and didn't really come out for the rest of the holiday. We left a week early because none of us could bear the tantrums anymore. :banghead:

Whenever she calls the house and my mum picks up, she just puts down the phone, or she starts yelling at my mum. The latter just happened yesterday, and my mum was in tears, and kept telling me what a bitch grandmum was. I don't know what to do--I love them both, but they both seem to get really angry when I show affection to the other. My grandmum goes all sour-faced on me and says what a little princess my mum is and why can't she share me? and my mum gets really sad when i talk to my grandmum and won't talk to me. :crying: :impissed:

I can't take this anymore. It's unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what I should do?

Former Member

What has made them hate each other so much?

Former Member

I've no idea... I've tried asking my dad, but he won't say much. I don't think there is much to say... Grandmum's very protective of my dad. They never got along all that well, but there was a big fight a couple of years ago which made everything really, really bad.

Former Member

Don't know your family so can only give the general advise of what I would do.

I would tell em both to get a grip, that you love them both, your mum for being your mum and your grandma for being your grandma.
They need to accept that. They are meant to be GROWN UPs and they have to understand that you want to be in contact with both of them.
Tell them unless they want to loose you then they need to start accepting that you want to be in contact with both.

You're not some playpiece for them to play tug of war with; which is how it sounds like they are treating you now.

Former Member

*Ashlee* wrote: »

I would tell em both to get a grip, that you love them both, your mum for being your mum and your grandma for being your grandma.

Yeah, I should... but I don't want them to start rowing with me as well. I'm chicken... But I'll have to pull myself and do it soon.

Former Member

theyre being totally unfair on you and childish. Whatever their differences one adult should NEVER try and make the child feel guilty for loving another parent or grandparent.

Former Member

My brother and I want to talk to them together, but we're worried they'll start arguing, so my brother's talking to my grandmum first and i'm talking to my mum. Hope it'll work out...

Former Member

I hope it works out for you.

You should both tell them that you like them both equally. You don't care what has happened between them (like most family disputes, its probably something and nothing between two very stubborn people) but you're not going to take sides.

They might reconcile but I have a feeling they won't. But they need to be civil and they need to be told that you will not take sides.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

I hope it works out for you.

You should both tell them that you like them both equally. You don't care what has happened between them (like most family disputes, its probably something and nothing between two very stubborn people) but you're not going to take sides.

They might reconcile but I have a feeling they won't. But they need to be civil and they need to be told that you will not take sides.

:yes:

I just want to add best of luck, sounds like an absolutely horrible situation you're in - through their making, which is completely unfair.

Former Member

Hyacinth Girl wrote: »

My mum and my grandmum (my dad's mum) have never liked each other, but it's become really awful! When we stayed with them for christmas, they spoilt everything by fighting all through my birthday and not talking to each other at all on Christmas day. My dad was really upset, my brother was crying and my grandad just withdrew into a shell and didn't really come out for the rest of the holiday. We left a week early because none of us could bear the tantrums anymore. :banghead:

Whenever she calls the house and my mum picks up, she just puts down the phone, or she starts yelling at my mum. The latter just happened yesterday, and my mum was in tears, and kept telling me what a bitch grandmum was. I don't know what to do--I love them both, but they both seem to get really angry when I show affection to the other. My grandmum goes all sour-faced on me and says what a little princess my mum is and why can't she share me? and my mum gets really sad when i talk to my grandmum and won't talk to me. :crying: :impissed:

I can't take this anymore. It's unbearable. Does anyone have any idea what I should do?

God that must be really difficult! It's quite common for women not to get on with their partner's mums but that's bad!

Have a chat with your dad and granddad and see what they think. Maybe you should all sit down and have a talk?

Personally I would sit them both down and tell them to grow up. I would say they were being selfish by letting their fued spoil special occasions like your birthday and Christmas.