Texting ex's

Former Member

MattLiverpool wrote: »

We don't want each other to care about an ex, we want to care about us and the thought that one of us would start chatting to an ex would spoil the closeness.

Not even as just friends?

That's fucking ridiculous.

Former Member

If you were friends first then it is different, but n my opinion ex's are never just like any other friend.

Going through eachothers phones i would say is normal, if you are very close to someone why on earth wouldn't you read their messages.

I would be suspicious of any regular texting of females, but that depends on whether your bf has lots of girl mates or not.

Former Member

lil lal wrote: »

If you were friends first then it is different, but n my opinion ex's are never just like any other friend.

Going through eachothers phones i would say is normal, if you are very close to someone why on earth wouldn't you read their messages.

I would be suspicious of any regular texting of females, but that depends on whether your bf has lots of girl mates or not.

Thanks hun. I wouldn't say it was 'normal', and if you don't do it you're weird, but it is possible to just be doing it because you're nosey, which some people don't believe just because they don't do it :rolleyes:

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

Not even as just friends?

That's fucking ridiculous.

Can I just say, isn't it up to them what they do?? Leave them to it, you're not gonna see eye to eye.

But btw, I do agree with a lot of what you've said, which hopefully proves I aren't the jealous, bunny-boiling type, and am only bothered by this whole thing because the texts have been deleted.

Former Member

lil lal wrote: »

Going through eachothers phones i would say is normal, if you are very close to someone why on earth wouldn't you read their messages.

because that's called privacy. 2 Partners are still individual people. It's like I check your dirty laundry for poo stains. There are some things nobody else needs to know...

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

because that's called privacy. 2 Partners are still individual people. It's like I check your dirty laundry for poo stains. There are some things nobody else needs to know...

Maybe i'm an open person then. Things that are private are in my mind, once you write something in a text you have little control over who sees it. I find it difficult to liken it to checking dirt laundry for poo stains.

Former Member

lil lal wrote: »

Maybe i'm an open person then. Things that are private are in my mind, once you write something in a text you have little control over who sees it. I find it difficult to liken it to checking dirt laundry for poo stains.

well, it's MY cell phone, so I have enough control over who reads it. If I can't trust my partner to not sniff around in my private stuff if I have it lying around, then I can't see the relationship working anyway...

Former Member

lexilex wrote: »

But btw, I do agree with a lot of what you've said, which hopefully proves I aren't the jealous, bunny-boiling type, and am only bothered by this whole thing because the texts have been deleted.

so have you asked him about all this yet then? im wondering what his take on this is...

Former Member

He's apologised (again) but I aren't seeing him til tonight so we're waiting til tonight to talk properly.

Former Member

I've never really seen any reason to take a look at text messages on my girlfriends phones. What they send is entirely their own business, and what I send is entirely my own business. If I found out my girlfriend had been looking through my phone without asking first, I'd tell her to piss off. Which is exactly the same as she'd tell me. Checking someone's phone implies to me that you distrust the other person.

Former Member

i have been known to check my BFs phone, but it was only in a relationship where i had been given a reason to not trust him.

Former Member

nicebutdim23 wrote: »

i have been known to check my BFs phone, but it was only in a relationship where i had been given a reason to not trust him.

Well, I could understand the motivation for doing that if you had a good reason, but either way, I think it's a pretty bad sign.

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

I'm engaged.

WOW! Congrats!

Former Member

1983 wrote: »

WOW! Congrats!

Haha it was like in October, but thank you .

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

Haha it was like in October, but thank you .

I am SO slow! Well done, lady!

Former Member

1983 wrote: »

I am SO slow! Well done, lady!

Heh, it's ok. I didn't exactly announce it so you are forgiven for not realising .

JustV

jemuzing wrote: »

Former Member wrote: »

A few weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend has been texting his ex and then deleting the messages. From the day we got together I have always said to him if he texts her/rings her fine, but don't delete the calls/texts because then it looks like you have something to hide.

Anyway, he apologised, said he won't do it again, he actually went further and said he wouldn't even text her anymore, this was his choice, not mine, and I told him this was up to him.

As you can imagine, since then I've been worrying a little about this. For the last couple of days my boyfriends been waiting for something to be put on his mob account and asked me to keep a check on it online. While I was on in this I found that there is a search facility on there were you can look for a number in recent bills. I tried to resist temptation to do this, but couldn't and this morning typed in her number. Tbh, I was hoping nothing but these couple of messages I knew he had deleted would come up, and that would stop me worrying, but loads of texts came up, none of which I'd ever seen so he's obviously deleted.

I really don't know what to do. I know if I confront him he'll turn it round and say I shouldn't have looked, but if he hadn't give me a reason to worry and not to trust him I never would.

I'll just add now, I really am the most trusting person, I trust everyone until I'm given a reason not to. I aren't the jealous type really. Like I say, I don't have a problem with him texting his ex, but when he starts deleting them then I worry.

I know a lot of you will say if you trusted him it wouldn't matter whether he deleted them or not.

I just need a bit of advice from anyone who's had similar experiences.

Here is what i think as i was in a longterm.marriage where he was cheating for awhile...if you have nothing to hide, you wouldnt hide it. So by somone hiding it, i feel like you have a reason to look. Its true that looking causes hurt feeling alotof the time because you are bound to find something you dont like. But i wouldnt go through and read every text. Ive looked in my new bfs phone and when there isnt anything suspicious (like deleted texts) then i would feel like i dont need to look however since ive been burned before i might take a peek once a year...recently i found he deleted seemingly innocent texts from an ex lover, the only reason i found out is he forgot to empty the trash, what is mind boggling is they seem innocent. But why would he delete them? One thing might be that hes afraid of my reaction but, because he did this now im suspicious. Ive learned not to say anything because if they are covering something up, they will just do a better job covering their tracks soooo...now im on a mission. Personally i have nothing to hide so if he wanted to.look in my phone he could, i wouldnt want him.reading all my texts but, he wouldnt find anything im hiding, he .ight not like everything he reads but....im not hiding anything, of course if i were id delete it. 😀 of i did that i wpuld expect him not to.trust me as i wouldnt be trust worthy.
The advice id give you in this situation is to confront him, and if he just says hes sorry hewont do it again or if he blames you for snooping its time to break up! If you talk to him and tell him you dont mind him.talking to her but if hes deleteing texts it makes you suspicious, if he has nothing to hide he doesnt need to delete them...if he is not willing to do whatever it takes to.earn your trust back (which would include not deleting texts) then hes not worthy of your love..be prepared though he might justtwll you he still has feeling for her..good luck

jemuzing wrote: »

Former Member wrote: »

Matt, you haven't answered my question as to what's wrong with being best friends with a guy I was in love with?

I know this wasnt asked of me but, if you were in love with him...you more than likely still love him..so be honest, if he suddenly claimed he is love with you and wanted to start a romantic relationship with you, what would you do?

jemuzing wrote: »

Former Member wrote: »

I've never really seen any reason to take a look at text messages on my girlfriends phones. What they send is entirely their own business, and what I send is entirely my own business. If I found out my girlfriend had been looking through my phone without asking first, I'd tell her to piss off. Which is exactly the same as she'd tell me. Checking someone's phone implies to me that you distrust the other person.

However, some people have been cheated on and have trust issues, i would be fine with him looking at my phone if that were the case, i may ask him not to read every text and not to read into anything...in fact if i were the person who had a hard time trusting because of a past relationship and my new partner said to me sure honey, look away....i probably would be satisfied and not look. I understand people and everyone has their own perpective on life, we all have different issues and if it made my partner more trusting why wouldnt i want that? Its called beimg supportive...i would rather talk about it rationally than be accused of cheating or being untrustworthy.

Just a heads up to check the date of a discussion before you post on it @jemuzing. This one is over 10 years old so I'm going to close it now. As a general rule, support discussions that have been inactive for a few months or more will no longer be relevant to the OP and should be left.