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How to go about making parents proud?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

Basically, I'm 24 and all my life my Mam and Dad have been on and on about how I'm the brainiest and the one with the most potential out of all my bruvs and sister. Don't really feel it personally, always just did alright at school and did enough to get by. Deffo never saw myself as some sort of genuis.

I've made a lot of mistakes over the last four years or so, but the last year I've been rebuilding things and I'm getting stuff sorted - including my relationship with them. I'm still only doing "OK" though - the only one out of their kids who hasn't got a degree or a stable flat etc and I'd be lying if I said this didn't get to me.

I'm just not going to be able to afford to back to uni this year, still got a lot of debt etc. I'd never accept their money again because I want to prove I can do it myself. Also, a large part of me wants to do it for them rather than me, because of what's happened. I dunno if that's the right way to go about it.

They're not getting any younger, I get recurring nightmares about one of them dying and stuff and I'd just love to go and make them proud by doing something before they die. Yeah, they maybe are proud of me simply because I'm their kid. My Mam is like that with my wee brother, he's doing AMAZING for himself. I'm proud of him so much too, but it should be him that's proud of me y'know? I'd love her to talk about me the way she talks about him.

Got to phone them tomorrow and tell them that uni is impossible this year and I couldn't even afford the UCAS applying fee, and I'm bloody dreading it because I've been here before with them.

Anybody else feel they suffer by comparison a wee bit aswell?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Brian, they will alway be proud of you. No matter what.

    (thats what people say to me)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, my sister and me used to argue almost non-stop about this. She always has got better grades than me at school and has managed to get into a better university too. My parents were always rabbitting on about her grades and achievements and it used to piss me right off. They never said anything about my grades. Admittedly, that was partly because I did my very best to conceal my grades from them. (if there was a degree for evasion in this subject, I'd easily get a first) However, when they did see them, they kept very quiet about it.

    Frankly, I no longer care about making the parents proud. I've done very little in the last few years that anyone can be proud of. Parents always say they're proud of their kids, but I'm not convinced. I get the impression mine certainly aren't proud of me. Can I honestly blame them for it? Nope. It's gotten to such a stage now that I've made a conscious decision that, when I get started properly with university this year, their involvement will be minimal, at most.

    I don't want to be accepting any money from them, I won't be putting their names down when I apply for a loan, and I certainly won't want to be hearing from them on an almost daily basis. Do I still wish to make them proud? A side of me still does, but another side has just stopped caring altogether. Not a route you wanna go down, believe me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think its all about the academic qualifications in terms of making your parents proud.

    I dropped out half way through my A levels my parents were mental at the time, told me I was throwing my life away and wasting my oppertunities. 11 years later, my dad who actually never hugs me or kisses me told my mum one night, totally randomly, that he was going to come over to see me and hug me.

    My mum asked him why and he said that he was proud of the person I had turned out to be and that he couldn't have hoped for a better daughter.

    Sometimes its all about who you are not the stuff that can be marked in an exam or counted in the bank.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My brother dropped out of school at 17 and got a job they didn't approve of. Think Mum's still a bit embarassed by that. But he's fully trained and has basically got his life sorted.
    I did the good grades, going to uni thing, but apparently I dont go out enough :confused: yes my mum actually complains because I dont go out enough. On the other hand, she complains because my brother goes out too much :confused:

    So basically, whatever we do, we're fucked.

    Anyway, I'm planning on letting down my parents once I've left uni because I can't think of a job I want & just want to go traveling. They don't mind the gap year thing, but I'd rather just keep traveling & working until I am completely skint. Knowing me though, I'll probably be a good little girl, take my few months off, then come back & get "a steady job" just like my dad wants me to :(

    I hate being a people pleaser. Maybe I'll do something for myself for a change!
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