Am I going nuts???

Former Member

Right, this has been going on for a while. One of them things where I'm told I'm being paranoid but I feel pretty fucked up about it all.

To cut a long story short....

I liked a girl at work. Get to know her quite well, and one of my mates on my team (30 year old, bit of a male bravado sort of guy) slags me for liking her and tells me I can do better.

One thing leads to another and six weeks later she's slept with both me and this guy. I know that makes her sound bad, but she's lovely and she's got a heart of absolute gold and she doesn't sleep with people lightly.

I back off because it's all getting a bit too much (we all work in the same team) and she's probably not the type I should be going from (ASBO, most of her mates are in jail etc). We're still really close though, but this other guy has been sleazing onto her like fuck just lately. It all kicked off in my flat last week when we were all up having a drink and a snort, they were in the kitchen and not letting anybody in. I go in a huff, call him a sleazy bastard, he tries to knock my head off and we have a mental shouting match. She's stuck in the middle and calms it down - so this week at work there's been an uneasy truce.

I feel like shit inside though, I don't really want to be around him. I feel really small because he slagged me for talking to her in the first place, then decides she's got something he wants and then he waltzes in with all his confidence and bravado shit and takes over. I hate it when that happens, y'know?

I know he's a player and would hump and dump her in a second. I don't want to see her get hurt but I can see it coming a mile off. He's saying there's nothing going on and I'm paranoid, but then he said that at the start when he said he wasn't into her at all and that was lies too. He also said it's me being jealous that I don't have his male bravado and confidence, maybe that bit is true.

I actually feel like I'm very possibly going nuts just thinking about it, I hate it when people play mind games and stuff. I know it's probably none of my business because it's not like I'm going out with her, but I just care about her sososososo much and I really hate the thought of him hurting her.

Sorry for the long-ness of that, any ideas how to sort this out cause it's doing my box in justnow??

Bunnie

Phew! I didnt even breathe when reading that and I got the impression you didnt when you were typing it.

I am sorry to say hun, I dont think I have a suggestion. She will just have to get hurt (and you) if that is what is going to happen.

Normally I would ramble on about you should tell her how you feel, and what he is like bla bla bla, but if it all goes tits up, you have to work with the lass ya know?

Im sorry I aint much help, but I am sending you a big snuggle

PS no you aint going nuts, its normal to feel like this when you feel strongly about someone.

Former Member

Why don't you talk to this girl tell her how you feel. Take the opportunity to find out how she feels about you. The worst she can say is she doesn't like you.

If she feels the same way as you- great! But your going to have to get used to the fact she will still talk with the other guy.

If she doesn't feel the same, and just enjoys playing you and your mate off against each other, then put some distance between you and them. Move teams at work if need be, but being around them and being part of their mind games will fuck with your head even more.

The more you avoid tackling the issue head on the more chance of your mind playing tricks on you.

Good luck fella

:thumb:

Former Member

"What can you do if she is just gonna go off with the bad guy anyway?", is my initial thought. Then I think, "no don't give in. woo her with your loveliness, make her feel so wanted and secure in your feelings that she wouldn't possibly settle for the false proclomaintions of dick-face". Followed by "it's gonna get messy, so don't get drawn in to it."

I dunno really dude, shit one! Do you actually want her though, or what? How come you backed off in the first place and do those reasons not still stand now?

Former Member

katralla wrote: »

I dunno really dude, shit one! Do you actually want her though, or what? How come you backed off in the first place and do those reasons not still stand now?

Good question.

I backed off because on paper she's not really the type I should be going for - she gets in fights and like I say she's got an ASBO. Going for the "excitable" type in the past hasn't really worked out, plus I think I backed off because I'm very scared of getting hurt aswell.

I'd said to her in the pub a while after we slept together that I thought she was really pretty and something special but I didn't want to go out with her becasue it wouldn't work. I know she likes blokes to be blokey and she's got a thing for black guys, so I maybe backed cause I knew I'd get blown out anyway :razz:

We've actually been quite close since then in a matey sort of way.

She knew I was still feeling funny about things this week and made a point of coming to talk to me. Yesterday at work she kept going on about coming up to my flat with a bottle of wine and a chat, didn't really think much of it tbh.

Now I've written all this down, maybe I do have strong feelings there? I really wish I didn't tbh because it's an almighty mess. Especially seeing as till she came on the scene me and this other guy were really good mates.

Former Member

Bri-namite wrote: »

Good question.

I backed off because on paper she's not really the type I should be going for - she gets in fights and like I say she's got an ASBO. Going for the "excitable" type in the past hasn't really worked out, plus I think I backed off because I'm very scared of getting hurt aswell.

I'd said to her in the pub a while after we slept together that I thought she was really pretty and something special but I didn't want to go out with her becasue it wouldn't work. I know she likes blokes to be blokey and she's got a thing for black guys, so I maybe backed cause I knew I'd get blown out anyway :razz:

We've actually been quite close since then in a matey sort of way.

She knew I was still feeling funny about things this week and made a point of coming to talk to me. Yesterday at work she kept going on about coming up to my flat with a bottle of wine and a chat, didn't really think much of it tbh.

Now I've written all this down, maybe I do have strong feelings there? I really wish I didn't tbh because it's an almighty mess. Especially seeing as till she came on the scene me and this other guy were really good mates.

It seems to me shes trying to play you slightly. I know her type of girl and you are better than that Brian. She's getting excited by all the fuss and cant get enough of it thats why now she realises you're backing off shes like, oh Ill pop round etc. Tell her to feck off, hoe bag.

Unless u do want her. Then tell her that.

Former Member

Are you going mad? Possibly. But it's no more mad than the situation described, really. Make your mind up whether you want her or not, then stick to it.

Former Member

She has two people interested and I honestly think she's playing you both off against each other. I don't think it has anything to do with "male bravado" or any shit like that, you're two different people and it sounds like she's got you both wrapped around your finger. If she's an ASBO-girl then she's probably quite insecure anyway and uses her sexuality to feel better. It happens a lot and it doesn't matter whether she's doing it deliberately, it needs to stop.

I don't think you can be "just friends" with her. You need to either get her to commit to a relationship or you need to walk away. No more parties with her and definitely absolutely no more sex with her.

Former Member

Kermit wrote: »

She has two people interested and I honestly think she's playing you both off against each other.

I'm not sure if I'm just soft, but she genuinely seems to be quite upset about the whole thing. When me and him had the bust up last week then she was in tears trying to calm it down and asking us if we wanted her to go home.

I really don't know what I feel tbh, I really would be happy being close friends with her because it's good when we are like that. But then him being there complicates things, I get jealous at the way he looks at her and smiles at her and stuff. That probably means I've got feelings for her and they're maybe even deeper than I thought.

In all honesty, there wouldn't be an issue if he didn't waltz in and decided he liked her. My mind feels twisted because he knows I'm not that sure of myself even before we met her, then he swore blind he didn't like her, said I could do better, then blames it all on my paranoia. But them doing it then snogging and flirting in front of me, that can't just be paranoia can it?

I wish I hadn't slept with her now (not for dickhead reasons, but because it's overcomplicated things), but things are beyond awkward now. The team I work with are all quite close and I don't want to upset the apple cart.

I'll have another talk with her tomorrow.

Former Member

well, don't get irate, but I think you are a bit fatuous about her. I don't think she's your heart-of-gold girl with a soul so pure like a million daisies.

She's got an ASBO (had to wikipedia that... doesn't sound good to me), her mates are in jail (which says something about her social peripherals), and well... She probably enjoys the attention she's getting, dunno if there is more behind it.

be careful, shit like that is bound to give endless heartache, especially if you work together in one team. seal the deal, or blow her off, no more toying around...

But them doing it then snogging and flirting

jesus christ. Do you even understand what you are telling us? He isn't your mate. He lies to you and boots you out with cheap tricks so he can have her, fuck what he's been telling you. He degrades you for his own advantage, and thus certainly not a friend.

And she... hmm, if she knows that you have feelings for her (does she?) the she's toying around with you. It sucks to retreat and let the bad guy win and watch, but what else are you going to do?

get rid!