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feeling broody

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i'm absolutely loathing anything to do with babies atm cos i'm getting unbelievably broody and they seem to be everywhere! almost all of my straight female friends are pregnant, or have little 'uns, and everywhere i look there are babies, on TV and everywhere i go! it's doing my head in!

i really really want to have a baby, but not right now. for one thing i'm single and secondly i'm only a year through my three year contraceptive implant, and thirdly i'm going to uni next year and babies and uni are not a good mix!

i am some what worried though, cos with the industry i'm going into, i will be required to work some very unsociable hours, and being a sound engineer is just really not condusive to bringing up a family. and i do have a physical problem: my family have a unspesific genetic condition where our capability of carrying children seems to fail once we turn 30. my mother, grandmother and great grandmothers (on both sides) were only able to carry one child in their late 20's and after that have either died in child birth or have had miscarriages and/or eptopics. i really really don't want to produce another generation of only chidren, it's so lonely growing up being the only one in the house and all your friends having brothers and sisters.

but i just don't see how i am going to be able to have a family and get on with my career before i'm 30. ok, i am only 18 and quite possibly jumping the gun about getting up the duff quickly, but it really is a worry, especialy as i had a misscarriage in april, -this was an accident as i didn't realise that my implant hadn't settled and wasn't 100% effective at that time, and i had just come out of a long term relationship.

i've always been a bit maternal, and i think IVF is incredibly immoral, but this whole thing is going around my head and driving me a little bit crazy...

any advice?

(sorry if this has ended up in the wrong bit, i was not sure if relationships or health was more apropreate)

thanks
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    any advice?
    wait till you've found the right guy before you even think about it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel exactly the same as you Luby, don't worry. Except I'm NOT single. And that's soooooooo much worse. I'm at the point where I want the marriage and the babies and everything RIGHT NOW, but it's not practical and so every time I see a baby it makes me sad :(.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah well at least you are half way there, i do need to find the right guy, and thats like fucking yourself with sandpaper, painfull and futile...

    why can't all my female friends be single and not with child or had child

    :( at least i'm not the only woman who feels like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just wait...spend time round your friends and their babies and you'll realise that there's more to life than having children at your age.

    Honestly I was incredibly broody till my bro and sis in law had a kid in May. Now I spend enough time with him and time on my own to realise that the last thing I want at the moment is kids, there's so much more to experience in life before landing yourself with that sort of commitment. Strange seeing as now I'm actually at a point in life where I could quite happily have a child and feel like I had the life style and support to be able to give a child a proper upbringing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thing is i have spent time around my friend's little ones and helped with feeding and bathing and putting to bed and nappy changes, and getting them to stop crying when they are teething...but thats made me want kids more.

    and tbh, i don't know if i'll ever be in "that" situation where i own my home, and have a stable job, cos i'll probably be freelancing...which makes it worse...

    but how many people in this day and age actually do both own their own home and have a job which is stable? i don't know of many and even they have kids...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thing is i have spent time around my friend's little ones and helped with feeding and bathing and putting to bed and nappy changes, and getting them to stop crying when they are teething...but thats made me want kids more.

    and tbh, i don't know if i'll ever be in "that" situation where i own my home, and have a stable job, cos i'll probably be freelancing...which makes it worse...

    but how many people in this day and age actually do both own their own home and have a job which is stable? i don't know of many and even they have kids...

    It is very different helping parents look after little ones when they're around, to when you have them completely to yourself and have no other conversation and can't get on with what you need to in life properly.

    In the line of work I'm in, most of my friends have stable jobs and most have/are saving for houses, and yet very few of them have kids in their 20's. The ones who are early 30's are just starting to get married and settle down and have kids, but most people my age that I know are still building their careers, getting the travelling out of their system and generally enjoying living life to the full before settling down properly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand that broody feeling, not a day goes by when every baby/pregnant person/buggy etc I see doesnt make me yearn for a baby. However, we will be waiting until at least this time next year to begin to ttc and add to our family. The reasons behind this decision are sensible and rational and I agree 100%, but it doesnt stop me dreaming of a little one before the end of 2009!!

    I had my son when I was 19, and boy was it tough, it still is. Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt change him for the world, but I do think things will be easier second time around, with support and security, before emotional and financial, a lot of the worries I have had bringing up my little man will be eliminated.

    try to enjoy your life as it is right now, and do get involved with the babies that are part of it, enjoy them, and also enjoy giving them back!

    You never know, over the next few years your life plan could change massively, so dont write off babies fitting in with your career, or that you'll never have the stability you talk about, you just never know what might be on the cards.......
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand the worry about dfertility too, my Mum had an early menopause but managed to pop three out at the last minute in quick succession. I don't think you need any advice really TT, you seem to have it right in your head and the implant is there for any moments of rashness or weakness.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i really really want to have a baby...
    Nuff said. Let's go. :p

    Come on, it was only a matter of time before someone said it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Get a cat. :)

    lolcat_staredowncat1.jpg
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Get a cat. :)
    Not an option for me, I have two already. :p

    I thought that men never felt broody, but I have done for years. I used to go out with a single mother, and got to know her son extremely well. Every now and then, my brain starts trying to convince me it's time to become a father. Too early right now!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    any advice?

    Offer one of your friends to Babysit their kids for the weekend - you'll be so exhausted by the end of it you'll probably be less broody for a while.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aww luby. Id suggest a pet.
    I know that sounds crap but i went through a really broody phase when i was about your age, and obviously its a bit of an innapropriate age to be feeling it, although totally totally natural. I got a pet - something i could care for and look after that needed me and it actually really helped.
    In your situation obviously if you want kids youre going to have to be a bit more pro-active about it in your 20s, and being an only child isnt necessarily a bad thing at all. There are lots of pros and cons, but if you have friends with kids, there doesnt have to be as many cons.
    Theres nothing to say that it would have to be only one either if you were really against that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Offer to babysit a little one for a couple of days, I did this and I think I have been put of for life, I can barely look after myself never mind a baby,
    I didn't realise what hard work they are, they are cute, when they sleep!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    looking after kids just made me worse when i was broody.
    Maybe it was weird that i actually had realistic expectations.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lacrymosa wrote: »
    Seeing my Mum give birth was enough to put me off having kids. It looks like the most painful thing ever.

    :lol:
    yeah does sting a bit
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    I thought that men never felt broody, but I have done for years.
    It does happen, I used to be too.
    Then my stepmum had twins, and since I spent several days or weeks at a time around them it came off me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rather than be around small children find other things to concentrate on. You said you're going to uni soon? Make plans for the future and things to look forward to that you probably couldn't do if you had a child.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    I thought that men never felt broody, but I have done for years.

    Yeah me too, not all the time, but I do see young familys and think "ah yeah I'm ready for all that" but i'm single at the moment so no choice. I'm still happy living my free-ish life-style though, and I guess it's different for guys as all the sexual cogs continue to whir for a bit longer. I know an older dad is not the best, but i'm a pretty fit guy and don't expect to be wheezing my way around the park at 40, so i'm not too bothered, next 5 years would be nice though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course guys want kids.
    Id be surprised if it was as hormonally charged and intense as the biological urge women get sometimes, but i guess ill never know
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote: »
    Nuff said. Let's go. :p

    Come on, it was only a matter of time before someone said it.
    ah, no thanks i'm not that desperate!

    i may get a cat but i can't get one where i am at the mo, a very strict no pets (not even things in cages) policy.

    maybe i'll find someone lovely at uni or something....but yes i'm not going to have baby/ies now, that would be very difficult and a silly idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why do you think IVF is Immoral?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    because i think that there are plenty of kids in the world that need parents, and to create an other when many need love is immoral..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so youre not going to have a baby ever then? Or is it just infertile people that its immoral to have babies?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if i can't have a baby then i'll try adopting

    i don't think that people that have IVF are immoral. but i would feel it would be immoral for me to do it. if your body isn't going to let you have a baby then why force it by injecting with hormones and all that stuff... i'd rather adopt and see it was as a more moral option that forcing my body to go through all of that. and plus i think playing around with embros isn't right either...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol:
    yeah does sting a bit

    Didn't hurt me :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Didn't hurt me :p

    Yeah, Gilles seemed to be fine with it too. Didnt know what all the fuss was about.

    Ill have to try harder this time :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ill have to try harder this time :)

    This time?

    Have I missed something?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: looks like it
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