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ok my first thread

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I want help from you all,
opinions from everyone will be helpfull...

I have been with my boyfriend for approx 7 years, he is the only man I slept with , Ifound out that he has slept with several women while we have been together , I ended things back in November due to finding out that he has cheated me, he blamed things onto me saying that I am a hard hearted bitch but telling me that I am unlovable, ugly and to skinny for any one to find attractive didn't help,I don't know if he is right but I have started self harming, I have fallen back into what I feel is his trap, he makes me feel good but once we have sex he tells me that I am one of many, that he wants lust not love, this boxing day he hit me, bit me and cut me with a razor, he told his cousin that he could have sex with me and when I refused he hit me so bad that he has broken my jaw, I don't think that I can go back to work like this so I am worried about my job, I am hiding from my parents and friends and I feel worthless, he is the only man to ever say that he loves me but right now I would rather be dead, I know that tonight he is meeting a girl I know for sex, he and she has told me, I have been told that I am pretty but I feel so ugly.
He says that he will brand me soon so that I belong to him forever snd I am scared but he owns everyone I know in one way or another mostly through drugs, I want to get away and start my life over but he says I cant and that I am his forever, please help me.

Comments

  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Police. No one has the right to tell you what to do and you belong to no one except yourself. This "person" is not only dangerous but obviously severely insane. He needs to be locked up but it won't happen unless someone does something about it. You have no obligation to do anything for him, and given then way you say he's been acting you do have an obligation to yourself and to other people to do what you can to have him put away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [Removed because sometimes it's better that things be told by someone who isn't impulse driven]
    __________________
    Says it all........... only one way to go
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    Silk wrote: »
    Says it all........... only one way to go
    You'll have to excuse me, I don't know what you understood but it definitely wasn't what I said. I believe everything I've said but I can be very blunt at times.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Silk wrote: »
    I want help from you all,
    opinions from everyone will be helpfull...

    I have been with my boyfriend for approx 7 years, he is the only man I slept with , Ifound out that he has slept with several women while we have been together , I ended things back in November due to finding out that he has cheated me, he blamed things onto me saying that I am a hard hearted bitch but telling me that I am unlovable, ugly and to skinny for any one to find attractive didn't help,I don't know if he is right but I have started self harming, I have fallen back into what I feel is his trap, he makes me feel good but once we have sex he tells me that I am one of many, that he wants lust not love, this boxing day he hit me, bit me and cut me with a razor, he told his cousin that he could have sex with me and when I refused he hit me so bad that he has broken my jaw, I don't think that I can go back to work like this so I am worried about my job, I am hiding from my parents and friends and I feel worthless, he is the only man to ever say that he loves me but right now I would rather be dead, I know that tonight he is meeting a girl I know for sex, he and she has told me, I have been told that I am pretty but I feel so ugly.
    He says that he will brand me soon so that I belong to him forever snd I am scared but he owns everyone I know in one way or another mostly through drugs, I want to get away and start my life over but he says I cant and that I am his forever, please help me.

    go to the police, NOW...

    This is really serious and you need to get out of that "trap" - as you call it - as soon as possible. It seems you are not in a position to help yourself, last but not least, because you have to be afraid of your physical health (since he's violent). It's a good start that you came on the forums to tell us about it. Unfortunately there is little we can do, except giving a few pieces of advice.

    You better start off to not believe ANYthing he tells you, since he's just moving the right levers to manipulate you.

    jesus, just get some help, police, parents, counselling, or all of them at once!

    (judging from the photo thread, you are really pretty. If you'd know me longer, you'd know what I said that to just 2 other gals on here since I'm registered and never out of compassion... so that might mean something to your - atm. - battered ego)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Get to the police ASAP. There is no way you should even consider staying with this guy. He's abusive and manipulative and you deserve far better. Anyone who has physically abused you like that deserves locking up. You need to tell the police everything you know about this guy, everything he's done to you and others.

    Go to your parents, don't hide from them. No matter what they will stand by you and be able to help and protect you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Evidently none of you guys have any street knowlege...yeah great idea go to the police and shop a drug dealer, that wont piss off him/his mates/his family/his customers - smart move.
    Yes he does deserve locking up but life isnt black and white. I'd seek refuge with your parents if possible or even some relatives away from your(his) local area and get away for a while.
    Do you have any hard looking relatives or friends who could protect and look out for you?
  • C FunkC Funk ********* Posts: 163 Settling in
    Hey Silk,

    Really sorry to hear your being treated like this. Domestic violence affects a lot of women in the UK (an estimated 12.9 million). This is something you should not have put up with. Like Ingrid Cold and Kazbo said, you really need to inform the authorities and try and keep him out of your life, even if this means stopping seeing mutual friends.

    There are a few helplines that you might want to contact for support and advice. Contact the National domestic violence helpline on 0808 2000 247 to speak to one of their counsellors. You can also call the London centre for domestic violence on 08709 220 70. Have a look at our article on women and domestic violence to get some more information and advice on what steps you should take.

    Hope this helps :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    leave him.
    if you want it dealt with officially then go to the police... but make it sooner rather than later because a lot of evidence will otherwise be lost.
    if you do want to get away from him either go to a friends / close relatives or if thats not possible consider a womens aid refuge.
    either way, guys like that don't deserve to have a gf.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    coming from someone who has experience domestic violence as a child, i know it's hard to get out and that it hurts and it feels like he is the only person in the world that cares. but he doesn't and isn't. what he is doing is called emotional blackmail, and it's one of the most horrible things that a human being can do to another. it's a horrible situation, but you need to take a deep breath get your things and walk out the door. i would suggest going to the police station and reporting him before you do anything else, because you will be safe from him, and anyone else he may or may not send to do harm. the police will then be able to place you in a safe house or in a refuge, where you will be looked after and you can start to rebuild your life.

    no one absolutly no one deserves to be harmed like this. it must have taken so much courage to be able to ask for our advice, but now you need to gather a bit more and do the hardest part. if you feel unable to go to the police on your own take an imparticial friend or relative that you can trust.

    just be strong!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou for the replies and words of advise, I feel ashamed that I posted this, I was drunk and desperate and had no idea as to where to go from here, this has been the worst xmas on record for me.
    Regarding me ex, we have broken up but he refuses to let go, this latest violent outburst of his is the worst to date, before then it was just an odd slap and I would give back as good as I got, but this time was different. It has always been more mental abuse than physical in the past which sometimes feels worse.
    As someone stated it isn't as black and white to think that going to the police will help, if I do that then he or his friends would get to me or my family. I have told my mum whats happened now but we are keeping it from my dad as he has severe angina and if he gets worked up it could be fatal.
    Three so called friends of my ex's have found out what he's done to me and warned him of, I found this out last night, I don't know if he will listen to them but here is hoping.
    I have contacted work and explained that I have a family crisis and they are allowing me to take 3 weeks holiday straight after the xmas/new year break so I will have time to recover.

    Thankyou again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Silk wrote: »
    he or his friends would get to me or my family.
    its that fear thats been put in you to make sure you don't do anything about it.
    think about it - if you reported him and he was charged, he/his friends would not be able to ''get to you or your family'' - just for starters that would be witness intimidation and he'd be in more trouble. i think you should report it properly but i do understand were you are coming from with the fear and hesitation of not wanting to do so. though, it would put a stop to it - which i assume ultimately is what you want?
    but its your choice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote: »
    its that fear thats been put in you to make sure you don't do anything about it.
    think about it - if you reported him and he was charged, he/his friends would not be able to ''get to you or your family'' - just for starters that would be witness intimidation and he'd be in more trouble. i think you should report it properly but i do understand were you are coming from with the fear and hesitation of not wanting to do so. though, it would put a stop to it - which i assume ultimately is what you want?
    but its your choice.

    But it won't put a stop to it, if he or one of his friends went round to my parents for an example then it could be fatal for my dad who is very ill at the moment and it is stress that neither of my parents need.
    When I left him back in Novemeber I went to stay with friends but he tracked me down and stole and torched their car, I don't want other people suffering due to me, it's not fair on them.

    I just need to lay low and hope he moves on, he is very drug dependant at the moment and each day merges into the next for him, he is losing countless friends and respect from them, I hate seeing him like this but I now know that he wasn't ever the man I thought he was and loved for so long, he hasn't been near me since last week so hopefully his threats to carry on what he started were just empty threats.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Silk wrote: »
    When I left him back in Novemeber I went to stay with friends but he tracked me down and stole and torched their car, I don't want other people suffering due to me, it's not fair on them.
    its not YOUR fault if HE goes and torches someones car... were the police involved then? - the thing with not wanting to put excess strain on your family is understandable but tbh i think you need to look out for yourself more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote: »
    its not YOUR fault if HE goes and torches someones car... were the police involved then? - the thing with not wanting to put excess strain on your family is understandable but tbh i think you need to look out for yourself more.

    We didn't know that it was him at the time, we put it down to joyriders.
    He admitted it and said he would do them more damage if I reported him, he is completely of his head on drugs at the moment and I don't want to push him to do something more to those I care about, he is capable of anything when he is in this mood, I don't agree that he should get away with it as such but if I do get the police involved then it could make things even worse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Silk wrote: »
    it could make things even worse.

    but thats not your responsibility and you don't know that for certain.
    he sounds from what you say completely out of control and dangerous and someone like that either on drugs / off drugs needs to be dealt with properly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote: »
    but thats not your responsibility and you don't know that for certain.
    he sounds from what you say completely out of control and dangerous and someone like that either on drugs / off drugs needs to be dealt with properly.

    And the police will protect everyone from him and his cronies will they? I don't think so.
    Thanks for the advise, I do appreciate it honestly but I really don't think that going to the police will help, though I am expecting a visit as my friend took me to the hospital and told the nurses what had happened but no police came to question me about the attack. I don't know what standard practise is but I would have thought they would follow something like that up anyway.
    If he does threaten my parents or anyone else I know I will go to the police myself but until then I will just see how things go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fair enough. hope things do work out for you.
    generally the police would need you to make a complaint to follow anything like that up. having said that if you went to hospital and the hospital were informed of how you sustained your injuries, they would make a reliable expert witness as to the extent of your injuries at the time which will all have been recorded.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, you sound sensitive enough, but please be careful. He doesn't sound as your regular wifebeater. He lit your friends car! (if there isn't some kind of strange translation to 'torch' i do not understand). That's not like he stole his shoe laces or something, he is really dangerous.

    don't get killed or something...
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    well, you sound sensitive enough, but please be careful. He doesn't sound as your regular wifebeater. He lit your friends car! (if there isn't some kind of strange translation to 'torch' i do not understand). That's not like he stole his shoe laces or something, he is really dangerous.

    don't get killed or something...
    I second that. But keep in mind that it doesn't seem it's only you. You said yourself that he's been with other women, and if he isn't the same when it comes to them, it will be someday. Putting him away won't only rid you of him, but future possible victims too.
    I can't tell you to do it because I'm not sure I would in your stead, but keep in mind that even if he and his "friends" never bother you again it doesn't mean he's become harmless.
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