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When to end it!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and I feel more alone now than ever. Forgive me if I go on but I can't talk to him so this is a release for me.
About 3 years ago, things started to feel wrong. Our sex life dwindled, to the point where we used to have it once a month and it was not an enjoyable experience (now I am lucky to get it twice a year). We also stopped talking but I put it down to his stress at work.
I always feel like I am the lesser person in the relationship and it has made me into a very vunerable and needy person. In my previous job I was paid attention from a male work colleague and it made me feel great again but when I left, I felt back to my low, worthless self. I am not a person who agrees with cheating but I hate to say I have cheated (although stopped at a kiss).
With problems at work, and in my relationship, things got on top of me about 2 months ago so I decided to go to see a counseller - I didn't tell my boyf because he would not agree and he does not like to talk, rather hide his feelings! I have been to 2 counselling sessions and poured my heart out! She has helped me understand that it is not my fault things are as they are and I should expect more from a relationship. She has pretty much said that I shouldn't stay in this relationship and I agee because I have thought this for years! Although I have wanted to leave my partner so many times, I have never plucked up the courage to do so, until now!
I feel more determined than ever to leave him now but with it being the festive period, I really don't want to do it and ruin his christmas, or his families (he has a young niece who thinks the world of me and will be so upselt)! But I am not sure I can put on a brave face throughout! For the sake of keeping him happy, I want to put it off till the new year (after all, I have stayed with him this long) but I am worried that I will bottle it and another year will pass me by. He knows something is wrong but I am reluctant to say something! Another thing that does not help is that I recently met a man who makes me laugh and we have loads in common. He is just a friend but I look at him and see all the things that my boyf can't / won't give to me!
Please help me! My head is so screwed up!! Thank you!
About 3 years ago, things started to feel wrong. Our sex life dwindled, to the point where we used to have it once a month and it was not an enjoyable experience (now I am lucky to get it twice a year). We also stopped talking but I put it down to his stress at work.
I always feel like I am the lesser person in the relationship and it has made me into a very vunerable and needy person. In my previous job I was paid attention from a male work colleague and it made me feel great again but when I left, I felt back to my low, worthless self. I am not a person who agrees with cheating but I hate to say I have cheated (although stopped at a kiss).
With problems at work, and in my relationship, things got on top of me about 2 months ago so I decided to go to see a counseller - I didn't tell my boyf because he would not agree and he does not like to talk, rather hide his feelings! I have been to 2 counselling sessions and poured my heart out! She has helped me understand that it is not my fault things are as they are and I should expect more from a relationship. She has pretty much said that I shouldn't stay in this relationship and I agee because I have thought this for years! Although I have wanted to leave my partner so many times, I have never plucked up the courage to do so, until now!
I feel more determined than ever to leave him now but with it being the festive period, I really don't want to do it and ruin his christmas, or his families (he has a young niece who thinks the world of me and will be so upselt)! But I am not sure I can put on a brave face throughout! For the sake of keeping him happy, I want to put it off till the new year (after all, I have stayed with him this long) but I am worried that I will bottle it and another year will pass me by. He knows something is wrong but I am reluctant to say something! Another thing that does not help is that I recently met a man who makes me laugh and we have loads in common. He is just a friend but I look at him and see all the things that my boyf can't / won't give to me!
Please help me! My head is so screwed up!! Thank you!
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Comments
:yes:
For example, after Christmas it's Valentine's in a few months, so you might find yourself waiting for that to be over. Or after that the next big thing might be his birthday, or your birthday, or whatever, so you wait until that's done. And so on...
You've been unhappy for three years, don't let it be any longer. The best time is now.
I think you are not sure about how and from where to start a talk with him, just start talking about the problem, once you start talking with him, things will start coming in your mind. I hope a person who is living with you for 8 years will understand that and may be he has something to say which he is not able to say for so many years, say to you.
Thank you so much for the advice - I think I am going to bite the bullet and move out! I know it will be hard at first but I am sure we will both get there in the end!
xx