Is this normal... at all?

Indrid Cold

I find that sometimes I see someone I "know", as in, just by face, and I don't talk to them for reasons that I'm never sure about whether they make sense.
The above phrase was confusing, I know. I'll describe an example that happened today, but my question isn't about this incident specifically.

I was on my way to uni when I saw a female student that I'm in the same lesson with, obviously also on her way to it. I was on the train when she came in, along with two others. I've never actually talked to her before (and I admit to thinking she's pretty, but that's beside the point) so I thought it would be polite to say hello.
Then I thought that maybe the two others she was with at the time were the same two others she usually hangs out with when I see her in class. Their faces didn't seem at all familiar to me, but I know that I'm not good with faces (I find it difficult to learn faces, except if they stand out -as hers does). So I thought that if they are the same two others, then I have the same lesson as them as well, so it would be impolite to go and just say hi to her.
I considered saying hi in a way that it wouldn't be obvious whether I was just talking to her or all 3 of them, but the only such way I could think of was to not be looking directly at her. But if I did that and the other two ended up not being the ones in the lesson, then I'd look like some kind of weirdo who talks to you and looks a mile away from your face. So I didn't say anything.
Then we left the train to go on a bus. I thought that if I went on the bus first and waited for them to get on, I could make it look like I hadn't noticed the two others in case I knew them too. But when they got on the bus, she immediately said "Let's go to the front" and just passed me by.
I'll also add that during all this time, she didn't speak to me either, and I kept wondering if she simply didn't notice me, or ignored me (and whether that was a normal thing to do if she did), or wasn't sure if she knows me either, or already thinks I'm a weirdo.
In the end: We got to uni, and the other two were indeed the ones I thought, I just (predictably) didn't remember her faces.

If you've read as far and are going to reply, please let me emphasize again that this was just an example. Who she was was almost irrelevant. I'd have had pretty much the same thoughts if I thought she was ugly or if she'd been a guy.

Now, I've described my thought process as best as I could, and I'd like to see some opinions... Because I totally don't know how normal that was.

Former Member

Seems pretty normal to me...

If I someone who's in one of my classes I smile if theyre tlking or say hi most of the time.

I wouldnt worry about it tbh...

Indrid Cold

Thanks, that's at least one thing. But I meant the whole thing. Whether the reasons I didn't end in the end are normal, and whether her not saying anything either is normal, etc.

Former Member

I've found that most people spend a lot longer wondering what others think about them, than the other actually does.

She may well have noticed you, or not, and frankly you may not have registered with her at all - I wouldnt brood on it.

Former Member

This isn't abnormal. Can't say I've never acted like that myself. It's when you recognize someone you're sure you have seen from somewhere, but it might be hard to actually find something to talk about. After all, looks a bit stupid if one approaches the person(s) in question. and all that's uttered is hi, aren't you from my class, and then nothing.

Wouldn't dwell on it though, but if you really want to get to know people you've seen from somewhere, just try to make some smalltalk in the first place

Former Member

I must admit that the first time I read that, none of it went in. SG really should be asleep this time, the naughty boy. But after a second reading, that all made sense. Can't see anything out of the ordinary here.

Former Member

That's a pretty normal scenario when you're feeling a bit insecure or paranoid. When you're feeling confident you'll just say hi to the one you recognise and nod your head at the other two.

Former Member

Yeah, i get this a hell of a lot. When you see someone you know, im almost expecting the to break the ice to start with..before you know it theyve gone.

Very normal, well for me anyway.

Former Member

I'm totally confused. What's the problem?

Indrid Cold

katralla wrote: »

That's a pretty normal scenario when you're feeling a bit insecure or paranoid. When you're feeling confident you'll just say hi to the one you recognise and nod your head at the other two.

That's a good suggestion. Nod huh? I'll remember it, thanks

Junker: The problem is that I really have (or had?) no idea whether my behaviour and thoughts were normal, nor whether her not speaking to me either meant dislike or something else. And I needed some opinions on that.

Former Member

Oh, I see. It doesn't seem abnormal; seems like you were just thinking too hard about the situation, and because of that didn't act on anything. I would say she was probably indifferent depending on how well you knew/know her.

Former Member

You should ask her out

Former Member

I do the same thing, i never know if they recognise me or not. If it is someone you have talked to before smile or say hi if not dont bother. Well thats what i do

Former Member

Surely if you made eye contact with her (as you do with people you don't even know on buses and trains etc) then it would give you the opportunity to smile or say hi.
I wouldn't nod I think it looks rude or daft if a guy is walking past a group of girls and he nods at them; more daft than rude!
I think it is normal; I don't know you but your thought process that you described makes you sound a bit of a nervous person, who thinks things through a lot before you do anything and considers the consequences and you also do sound like you care what others think about you alot? Not sure if that is actually you or not; because as I say I don't really know you.

Generally, I think the way you reacted is fine, and its just yourself saying "hey up now, I'm not 100% sure if I recognise these people, can I remember them or not?". And your thoughts and reactions reflect that and it's cool I would say!

Former Member

*Ashlee* wrote: »

I wouldn't nod I think it looks rude or daft if a guy is walking past a group of girls and he nods at them; more daft than rude!

It's less rude than talking to one person in a group and not acknowedging the others even exist, surely? I nod and smile at people I semi-recognise all the time. I have bad facial recognition so usually have no idea whether I know someone until a conversation. If they know you, the nod gives them a cue to say 'hello', if you don't then they usuallyjust nod/smile back and get on with whatever they were doing. Works for me anyway.

Former Member

If I recognise someone I just try to make eye contact, people who know you generally try to do the same then I acknowledge them with a smile. If they don't make eye contact then they either don't recognise me or don't want to.

Indrid Cold

I didn't want to stare so I wasn't looking all the time, but whenever I did she wasn't looking at my direction (nor were the other two, for that matter).

Former Member

you think too much. take each situation as you find it and don't worry about whats normal

Indrid Cold

otter wrote: »

you think too much. take each situation as you find it and don't worry about whats normal

I know I do... I tried to "Just forget about it all and say hello" but that's when I thought that the other two might think I was rude (if they were who I thought) and it stopped be again.