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Expiry-date relationships?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all
I've been with Adam for almost 11 months now, and it's going really well. We're very different people and there's a 10 year age gap, but somehow our differences complement each other and it's a relief to be with someone who's mature and logical about relationships rather than overemotional, dramatic guys I've been with in the past.
We're both very supportive of each other's ambitions and dreams (he's an artist and I want to go into human rights/humanitarian aid) and have an agreement that we won't get into the 'couple bubble'; we spend the same amount of time apart as together and make sure we're getting on with things on our own as well as as a couple.
Trouble is, my plans regarding what to do after graduating will well and truly put paid to our relationship. Ideally I want to go abroad for a couple of years and do grass-roots development work, and then come back to do an MPA at Nottingham (I'm currently based in Bristol). He's setting up a gallery here in Bristol and is hoping it'll take off. He's said he's happy to have a long-distance relationship because he loves and trusts me, but I know I couldn't do it. Which means that unless one of us gives up our dreams for a few years, we'll have to break up in July(ish) next year.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here - we haven't even been together for a year - but I honestly don't see us breaking up before then without having really fought for our relationship, and I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship that I know is going to end.
Has anyone been in a relationship that had an expiry date? Is it worth staying in or is it just flogging a dead horse?
I've been with Adam for almost 11 months now, and it's going really well. We're very different people and there's a 10 year age gap, but somehow our differences complement each other and it's a relief to be with someone who's mature and logical about relationships rather than overemotional, dramatic guys I've been with in the past.
We're both very supportive of each other's ambitions and dreams (he's an artist and I want to go into human rights/humanitarian aid) and have an agreement that we won't get into the 'couple bubble'; we spend the same amount of time apart as together and make sure we're getting on with things on our own as well as as a couple.
Trouble is, my plans regarding what to do after graduating will well and truly put paid to our relationship. Ideally I want to go abroad for a couple of years and do grass-roots development work, and then come back to do an MPA at Nottingham (I'm currently based in Bristol). He's setting up a gallery here in Bristol and is hoping it'll take off. He's said he's happy to have a long-distance relationship because he loves and trusts me, but I know I couldn't do it. Which means that unless one of us gives up our dreams for a few years, we'll have to break up in July(ish) next year.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here - we haven't even been together for a year - but I honestly don't see us breaking up before then without having really fought for our relationship, and I don't know how I feel about being in a relationship that I know is going to end.
Has anyone been in a relationship that had an expiry date? Is it worth staying in or is it just flogging a dead horse?
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Comments
I may be wrong but you seem to be looking at it as something much wider than that. When do you Graduate? If it's next year then you still have six months or so in which to enjoy time together before deciding what paths you will take (together or separately), if it's 18 months or more away then you shouldn't let worries about any future plans (Which may change or be modified) get in the way of having a nice relationship for now and beyond. A lot could happen inbetween.
If you really don't think that you can do the long distance relationship thing if that's where your future takes you, and it is effecting the nice times you have now, then that could be a worry. You probably need to be honest with him about that feeling, but raising it as a massive issue now, before you have to make those decisions can only be causing anxiety and worry for you.
perhaps you will find the strength to deal with it as and when it happens? As a massive worrier and forward thinker myself I have seen how wanting to be in control of things which haven't even happened yet can actually cause uneccesary strain on the present.
Hopefully you'll get it all straightened out and will be able to deal with things as they happen
So its not like you really have to go away at all - so I guess you need to ask yourself do you want to go for another reason?
I suppose maybe it's the hands of experience she would get though maybe?
Well I was in the situation where my relationship had an expiry date. He decided to break up with me a week into me being in America (he's an American who moved to the UK for his MA and has moved back to him home now, whereas I went there for a summer camp and have returned to the UK). He's regretted it ever since and though I didn't consider myself a long-distance kinda girl...I think often think that we could have made it, and the way things may go, maybe we still will. I wouldn't get ahead of yourself till your plans are concrete and you have at least tried. Don't give up whilst the going is good because it could be a huge mistake and you might underestimate yourself and what this relationship means to you if you finish it in July or dwell on ending it instead of enjoying it.