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Just found out...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, I haven't posted in ages but I've just found out that the girl I've been living with for three months and thought I was going well with thinks I'm lazy, volatile, self-absorbed etc. and is keeping clothes and stuff ready so she can leave if she wants to. When I got with her someone really close to me had just died and I was coming out of over a year of a deep depression and spent most of last year alone. I'm not so depressed now but I've been very irritable, quick to anger and withdrawn around people. we also end up arguing a lot so she wants me to go for therapy sessions again which I stopped before I met her and wants me to take antidepressants and because I won't she thinks I don't want to help myself. It's come as a blow because been depressed had a big effect on my last two relationships as well.
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It isn't necessarily your fault that you are like this, but you need to do something about it if you want to move on from it. It sounds like you sometimes use depression as an excuse for being a moody so-and-so. You need to take steps to control your depression and your anger otherwise you will lose her.
I really don't think she is being unreasonable, to be honest. The ball is in your court; get the help that's available, or she will very probably leave.
i lost my dad to suicide and my mums bf was terribly selfish about the situation, so i know what anger and desppresion takes over!
the best thing to do is really maybe if you have someone really close you can talk to, maybe a shoulder to cry on.... after all it dont mater if it was 5yrs ago you still cry about it sometimes.
to be honest her saying shes got her clothes ready to move when she wants is selfish in its self! basically from how i see it is get over it now or i'll leave.
its upto you if you wanna get help... tbh i dont think anti deppresants help, there no better help than talking to someone who cares and understands
I don't really agree (and I speak as someone who has recovered from a fairly serious psychiatric illness).
I don't think it is selfish at all for her to say "I don't want to be your emotional punchbag any more". It seems heartless to the person who's depressed, but if he isn't able to take steps to recover then I really can understand why she wouldn't want to stay around for ever more.
You need to take steps to talk to her about what your issues are; if you open up a little you will probably get a lot of help from her. The fact that she hasn't actually gone yet shows she cares.
I wouldn't dream of ever been physically violent towards her, its just a lot of shouting and things getting broken.
It's not that I'm arguing with her for the sake of it, its more she comes on to me and I don't want to have full sex, she wants to go out (a lot more than I do) and sometimes I just want to stay in. If I have a friend around she'll be concerned I'm up to something because most my friends are female so she'll want to be with us but I allow her space with her own friends all the time which then leads her to accuse me of been reclusive and I can understand some of her frustration.
We can still have really great conversation but it always comes at almost gone midnight and she's probably going to be tired the next day while I usually stay up later. So we're constantly at each other on some nights, also some weekends she'll be out on the night so I sometimes have a friend around and she probably thinks that means I'm been unfaithful but I'm not, I just don't want to spend too much time alone after last year and lately I have been spending most of my time alone.
How did you go about recovering from your psychiatric illness?
Methinks Kermit's comment about her being your "emotional punchbag" meant you taking out frustrations on her through shouting etc, not you being physically violent towards her.
hope that makes sense - am slightly drunk.
cant really help other than that, though if she hasnt left yet, there's still hope. but you sound like you both have issues to work through.
good luck, hope things work out for the best, whatever that is
hugs
I know; I said emotional punchbag because taking out your anger on her amounts to that. It's not done through spite, I know, but it's still tough to deal with.
If you are having a lot of arguments about silly things then maybe the relationship isn't for you. If she's possessive and jealous then there are problems on her side too, so if the relationship does fail don't take it to heart. Sometimes these things just don't work out, especially when you're young.
I recovered by receiving psychotherapy for nearly three years; I was going three times a week, and it did the world of good. It was very draining, emotionally and physically, but it helped me learn to deal with life a bit better. It was nice to be able to say anything to someone, and for them to give suggestions about how to make it better. I learned a lot about myself.
I also had a very supportive girlfriend, who had the patience of a saint for a lot of it, as I could be a right twat sometimes. We're now married.
I'm really sorry to hear things haven't been going too well for you lately. It's great that you've managed to talk through things with your girlfriend, but I just wondered if you've had any help with your depression and anger before?
There are plenty of organisations around that you could speak to for some help or advice such as MIND on 0845 766 0163 or Depression Alliance on 0845 123 2320. The website Overcome Depression is also really helpful.
By contacting these organisations you won't be committing to anything, they will just help you think through your options. It's completely up to you whether you choose to seek any form of treatment or not, but speaking to people who are real experts in the field might make you feel more able to make that decision.
We also have a really comprehensive section on depression and mental health in general on TheSite.org. You might find it useful to check that out as well.
Good luck!
S x