How could he be so cruel :(

Former Member

Hi i wasnt sure where to put this but i needed some help, i had an abortion 2 weeks ago and am not feeling the best about it to be honest :crying:

The day after it i went on holidays for a week so managed to block it all and not think about it and because no one knew it was easier to pretend i was fine, but on fri it all hit me and i was so upset i felt like i wanted to die.. i told my ex how i was feeling and he stayed with me for a few hours and we talked things through and he said he would be there for me..

Anyway that night we went out to a party and i was trying to take my mind off it and just have fun but half way through the night i looked over and my ex and my mate were kissing, i just feel like such a fool how could he do that to me, even if he has no feelings for me thats fine but what he did was just cruel.

Yesterday i felt so bad that i even thought about killing myself ( i have never had these thoughts before and i really scared myself) i cant talk to anyone because no one knows about the abortion i just feel so lost and trapped im constantly thinking and i just want to be able to forget and put it behind me.

Former Member

I am so sorry that he would do that to you, I don't really have much advice aside from if you can't tell anyone at least you can be honest and anonymous on here.

That is really unfair what he did, have you spoken to your friend since? it would be really hard explaining to your friends why you are upset without telling them (not that im telling you to tell them)

Former Member

Thats shit. Maybe you should try staying home for a while while youre feeling so fragile. It seems like youre just trying to party party trying to block it out pretty much since the day after. At some point you will need to rest and maybe find someone who you can talk to about it or its just going to keep coming back and upsetting you when you dont want it to.
Have you thought about phoning samaritans?
They are really good for this sort of thing, 08457 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org

and of course we're always here to lend an ear too

Pearly

Hi,

Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time recently. Going through an abortion is often very traumatic so it's no surprise you are feeling pretty low. Perhaps, as SuzyCreamcheese says, you should talk to someone about it, such as Brook, which offers advice before and after an abortion. You could try and reassure yourself by thinking about why you decided to have the abortion and try and focus on this in order to come to terms with what has happened. As for your ex, that does sound very insensitive to do this while you were in the same room - I'm not sure if he was the guy you fell pregnant with, but perhaps this was just his way of trying to cope with what has happened? Maybe you two need to try and have some space away from each other for a while? Right now it sounds like you need to be around your friends who can help you through this, is there one person you feel you can confide in? If you really don't want to tell anyone about the abortion, perhaps you could just talk to them about how seeing your ex with someone else made you feel. Even if they can't offer you the advice you're looking for, it may help that they will know how low you are feeling and will hopefully be there for you. Really hope things get better for you soon,
Pearly

Former Member

hi Angelgirl,

Just to add to what everyone else has suggested that you might find it useful to speak to some people at a more general supportline as well. Given that you seem to have no one you've been able to speak to about the abortion it might help, and they'd hopefully be able look at the issues you're going through as a whole.

You're listed as being in Dublin so I'm assuming that's where you are. If you've moved or are in the UK at the moment then you can get a load of useful contacts through our helplines page.

There is a Niteline service being run through UCD in Dublin that's completely anonymous and free - not sure if you're a student or not but might be a place where you can talk to someone. The number is 1800 793 793.

The Samaritans number in Ireland is 1850 60 90 90 - as Suzy suggested it's a great service.

And again, sorry to hear how down you are, hopefully you'll be able to find someone you're able to confide in but until then hopefully the numbers people have suggested will give you a chance to get things off your chest.

Former Member

Do what everyone else said and phone someone who knows what they're talking about. As for the events, assuming you ex is the person who got you pregnant in the first place, just see the fact that he was kissing your mate as confirmation that you made the right decision about the relationship and about the abortion. Not the most useful or practical advice I know, but it's a starting point.

Former Member

This bloke is clearly an insensitive prat. I'd have nothing more to do with him.

Former Member

Did you have counselling before having the abortion? You should have been offered it and also should have spoken to a doctor about your decision.

Why did you have the abortion, were you pressured?

I think you need (have) to separate the two things. He has been an arse to you and if I were you I would get out of the relationship. He should not be kissing your friend. What did he say when he knew you saw?

Find someone else to support you if you need it RE the abortion because he is obviously saying one thing and then doing another.

Former Member

abortion effects people very differently and in this case, it seems it has affected you very badly, if its getting you to a point were your thinking about suicide then maybe get some counselling.

as for the guy hes a total wa**er, you'll meet a nice guy one day and settle down and have kids.

Former Member

So sorry to hear about this. I think anybody would have tried to forget things as you did. You have also found out that this doesn't help! You need to give yourself a lot of time to get over this. Try to get support from someone who will be there for you the whole time, obviously not your ex. Do you have a sister or cousin you can talk to?

Best wishes

Former Member

if you google abortion support you may find some abortion support website come up. i found www.afterabortion.com particularly helpful and they have message boards too.

Former Member

nicebutdim23 wrote: »

if you google abortion support you may find some abortion support website come up. i found www.afterabortion.com particularly helpful and they have message boards too.

To nicebutdim just wanted to say thank you for telling me about this website i found it very useful..

To everyone else who answered i really appreciated your advice these really helped, and just an update...
For the past few days i have been so depressed have just been sleeping havent really been eating much but i am starting to feel bit better every day.
Im still in constant contact with my ex as we live together so have no choice but to see him, we've decided not to talk about what happened anymore cos it just upsets me too much so gona try and get over it and im moving out as soon as i can after xmas..

As for my mate i cant really blame her because she didnt know we had been a couple ( nobody knew) or about the abortion so cant hold it against her, i blame him totally cos he knew what he was doing. He told me he's not going persue anything with her because she's my mate and he doesnt think i should lose her because of all this, he even txted her in front of me and told her but i still dont trust him and he knows that i will never ever forgive him for what he did.

Former Member

Your ex sounds like an immature prat to be snogging your friend in front of you, especially after what you had confided in him. No matter how much pain that causes you now, I think when the pain wears off you will know that his immaturity, and his disgusting prattishness, were actually very good reasons for you to take the choice you took.

Please try and find a way to put this behind you, even if there is a grieving process for a lost relationship that meant alot to you once. Go through that, and then move on.

You only live once, so don't throw your one life away over this ex-boyfriend that is not even fit to lick your boots.