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leaving for uni
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i know its 8 months away yet, but if theres something to worry about, then i'll worry about it <IMG alt="image" SRC="tongue.gif" border="0">
i got an offer to warwick yesterday, and im so happy because it is where i have always wanted to go, and it has an excellent reputation and everything. BUT i don't want to leave my boyfriend <IMG alt="image" SRC="frown.gif" border="0"> yeah u've heard it all before, but i dont think i can live without him, we need each other, and now im thinking i will just be upset all the time so maybe i shouldn't go. i know i shouldn't pass up this opportunity, but i really, really can't leave him.
*sigh*
i got an offer to warwick yesterday, and im so happy because it is where i have always wanted to go, and it has an excellent reputation and everything. BUT i don't want to leave my boyfriend <IMG alt="image" SRC="frown.gif" border="0"> yeah u've heard it all before, but i dont think i can live without him, we need each other, and now im thinking i will just be upset all the time so maybe i shouldn't go. i know i shouldn't pass up this opportunity, but i really, really can't leave him.
*sigh*
Post edited by JustV on
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sometimes unis are the make or break of some relationships
you still have 8 months, i think you should sit down and talk to your bf about how ur feeling cos he might be feeling worried about it to
Sorry, absolutly no help.
As for university itself, I can't wait. Bring it on!
If you love each other that much he can visit???
Hey there lil' lady
<IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
I hate giving people bad news, but long distance relationships are hard. There is a good chance that yours will survive, but there is a large chance it won't. Not unless he comes with you, or visits you every week.
Every 2 weeks he comes to see me and then in 2 weeks more I go home for the w/e. Remember, at uni it's only October-June plus lots of holidays.
Wait till you get your offers and decide then. I could have gone to Warwick which is only 1/2 drive from my b/f but it wasn't the uni for me. Make sure you choose somewhere you want to go, not just because it's near home.
And when you do go, make sure you really try to fit in-the first few w/e's my b/f was down and when everyone else was making friends I wasn't there, it doesn't help.
If you both have lives without each other and still make time for each other, it can be done. I always think that it's like a test for the relationship-if you break up, then maybe it's not meant to be in the long term anyway.
I hope this helps. 1 year ago I was in exactly the same position, stressing like you!
You really should go though... No matter how much it hurts. There were enough times when I was tempted to say, "stuff my acceptance!" and maybe I ought to have from the whole relationship point of view. Now, however, I'm getting a degree, learning a lot more about myself than I ever thought possible, and if I go back to the same job I did on my year off, I'll be earning double what I was before.
I really wish I'd thought of a few things before I left, things that would have made it far easier for us to keep our relationship together.
Firstly, make sure you establish how the relationship's going to be before you leave. My boyf and I never talked about me leaving, as we got upset if we did. As a result, once I was gone we tried to sort out how often we'd have contact and what form and everything, and it wasn't too easy over e-mail, phone calls, and stupid MSN chats. If you have a system in place beforehand though (and not something ott like promises of daily letters) then it's one less bit of stress to worry about.
Secondly, don't be determined that yours is going to be the long distance relationship that will last. Time and time again I was told that long distance relationships don't work. Time and time again I said that ours would. When it all fell apart and I went home to use my non-refundable tickets that I'd bought a week before it all happened (he slept with someone else), I felt like the biggest pillock on the face of the Earth. Fortunately, people were nice. Wouldn't have blamed them if they'd "I told you so"'d.
It can be done. It just takes a bit of effort. But then, if you really care about the relationship that much then it's worth the effort. And if you both really want a future together, then you'll be willing to put the effort in.
There's also a reeeeeeally good section on the student microsite about long distance relationships : http://www.thesite.org/magazine/specials_students/sex_and_relationships/long_distance_love__its_on!.html
*wants to be a mod when I grow up*
i am worried about missing him so much that i wont make friends, i will just sit inside crying.
at the moment, he lives in kent and i live in essex, but he spends every night at my house and at weekends we go back to kent, which works. we are always together, and moving away will just be such a shock after someone always being there for such a long time.
i am determined to make it work, i dont care what it takes. we have talked about it and he has been saving money so he could move if he wants, but he cant really leave his job in london.
he always says that he doesn't have a life outside of me, and when i go out with my friends he gets really upset, and i don't know what to do, because when i go to uni, i wont be there all the time like i am now. all his friends have girlfriends, and spend all their time with them, like he does with me.
he says that he cant cope with me so far away, and i dont want to leave him becuase i know he will be lonely and in a total state like i will be, except i will be surrounded by new people and be halfway across the country.
we both really want a future together and sometimes he jokes saying when you go im going to ask you to marry me so u cant leave. *wipes away a tear*
i have already have all my offers so time is running out now...
i could go to kent which would be closer to home, but i dont actually want to go there.
Emma, all relationships need to have space, for both partners. it's not healthy to have a life that revolves around one person - hobbies, jobs, friends, fun, family all come a close second and shouldn't be ignored (and if he doesn't have any hobbies make him start one!). you need your friends; do you not feel a little claustrophobic if he worries when you go out with them? it's a very sensitive issue, but he will have to cope with you being away from him, and you might need to sit down and have a chat about that.
yes, you will be surrounded by new people - make friends with them <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0"> you'll need them, otherwise you'll miss him like crazy. crazier than you will, anyhow. you're going there to get a degree, not to miss someone. diversions, "keeping busy", anything that will help you pass the time productively, having fun and working, not forgetting about him but making the time spent away worth it.
you should go, and you will go. you'll kick yourself forever if you don't - I know that's a cliche, but it's true. and please do go to Warwick, it'll spread your horizons tremendously and you really want to go anyway!
Now i live 50 miles from him. I don't love him any less, infact i love him more as i appreciate him more. He drives up to see me once a week or fortnight. We chat on the phone and text.
Its not easy but it can be done. My advice is to get your boyfriend involved. Introduce him to your new mates as soon as you can so he does't feel shut out.
My boyfriend and i are still together and intend on staying that way!! Terms are short. My first term was 10 weeks, then i was home for a month. Now i am back for 9 weeeks then home at easter for 5 weeks.
At least give it a try.I found it improved my relationship with my boyfriend <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
good luck
A very similar thing happened to me...
I was living with my (ex)boyfriend since the beginning of the year having been good mates before. We weren't together when we made decisions about where to go, but both of us were convinced that the institutions we had chosen were the right places for us. HAlfway through the summer I suggested breaking up before we got too involved as I knew the strain long distances can put on relationships, but he convinced me otherwise. Consequently, we stayed together and everything was exceptionally lovey dovey etc. However, after after travelling up to see him in week 3 of the first term, after having had some difficulty settling in, I realised he'd already changed. He told me he wasn't sure if he could make the most of his uni life and be in a relationship with me, that he was worried about distances, and all other sorts of stuff, whearas I had just begun to appreciate how much I needed him. So when I got back to uni, I decided to end it, because of his lack of commitment. Before we left, everyone would remark on how close we were, and I honestly thought that I had found my soul mate. Seeing how much both of us were changed by uni, I now know this wasn't true, but when you are in love, you won't be able to comprehend that so easily. If your boyfriend says things like marrying you to stop you getting away... that's not love, it's infatuation. Which is awfully harsh, but might be true.
I haven't got too much advice, but all I will say is that uni is a crucible where your adult character will be forged, and it'll either bring you closer together, as has happened with my best mate and her boyfriend, or drive you apart, as happened to me. That's about it, really! Good luck... and don't go a uni you don't like or you'll feel twice as bad and kick yourself.
P.S... Warwick is seriously cool! <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">
That really bugged me. Maybe it shouldn't, maybe I'm being overly sensitive. My boyfriend and I were together for a year. We were best friends for over 6 months before we got together. Like, best friends who saw each other for about three hours every single day, not to mention working together nine hours a day, every day. We *were* committed. We *were* talking about marriage. But when it was a choice between possibly losing him or losing the last little ray of hope that I could have a relationship with my mother (who kicked me out when I was 16), I chose to sort things out with her. Before I left, we couldn't go a day without seeing each other. He'd come over at 2am after work, and end up getting only a few hours sleep before starting the next day, because we couldn't bear to spend a day apart.
So please don't go thinking that I was in some sort of crappy little relationship that could never last. I told you my story because I wanted you to see that even the strongest relationship is hard to keep together when you're away from the person you love.
Really sorry to hear about that... it's dead crap, isn't it.
Ah well.
Life goes on-ish.
Lancaster Uni is only ten minutes from me! A few of my mates are there at the minute as first years. What course is she on?
sorry if what i said upset you, it definitely wasn't intentional, it wasnt directed at you in any way it was just a statement really. besides, moving to a different country to work thinks out with ur mum is a bit different to going to university... although a lot of the feelings you experience are the same i should imagine.
but thanks for your advice, it was really interesting, and im sorry if i upset you <IMG alt="image" SRC="frown.gif" border="0">