Being more than friends...

Former Member

Can someone give me a walkthrough on how to do that?

I screwed up for the 3rd time i think. Pulled a girl 3 months ago, she broke up with me yesterday because she felt we were becoming more friends and less a couple, told me i mean a lot to her, but as a friend and stuff. Since this isn't the first time it's happening, i suppose it's my fault, but i don't know where exactly i've went wrong. I don't want it to end like this, because in all truth, i feel she's 100% right for me, and i'm really in love with her, but obviously i'm not the right guy for her...
I admit that i have some emotional blockages, and i can't really be myself in a relationship, but i can't get rid of that easily. It would take me a few more months to get to relax and drop my emotional shielding down.

So where's the difference between friends who act like a couple and a real couple?

Former Member

well i guess theres two things, if theres sexual chemistry then you can work as more than friends, me and my ex just slowly ended up being friends cos of that. And the other thing is if you are close all the time e.g holding hands and hugging rther than just having sex.

Of course there are other things aside from the physical side but im a commitment-a-phobe so i dont think i can give advice on that lol

Former Member

i didn't object to the breakup last night, i was stunned and didn't know what else to say... now there's two options, one would be letting her go, and the other would be trying to win her back and dropping my defences around her... i just don't know what to do, because i really care about her.

Former Member

DON'T LET HER GO! If you really care about her then let her know that you still care, everytime i have broken up with a guy who cared about me they have just let me go, don't do that, you never know the difference you could make by telling her you still care! good luck

Former Member

Thanks, i'll try talking a bit to her tomorrow.
I like her so much, you know when you find a soulmate or someone who you figure is so different from you, but so perfect at the same time...

I'm just not sure how i'd approach the subject, because as of sunday, we're "just mates", and the breakup wasn't the typical fight till death thing, we both laughed over it on our way home. It's all so trippy and strange, i'm just not sure what to tell her...

Former Member

*charlotta* wrote: »

i dont get how some couples can openly grope each others arses and then straddle in the park whilst feeding the duckies!! but i think that the reason why one half likes public affection more so is because they want the world to know that you are in fact a couple!

You tend to notice it's young men who do that more than any other group. Either that, or some old codger who's managed to pull a stunning 21-year old long-haired blonde. Usually, it's just a way of showing off, a way of saying to the world "look at who I've managed to pull". Or in the case of the older man, it's most likely a way of saying "here I am, look at who I'm shagging when I've got the blue pills with me", but I digress.

Personally, I hate seeing couples snogging in public - as far as I'm concerned, not everyone needs to see that. Public showings of affections are over-rated. If I want to show a partner how I feel, I far prefer doing so in private - mainly because there are no limitations. Let's face it, you can't have full sexual intercourse with your partner in a public park, unless you fancy a night in the cells...

Former Member

I'd really like some advice here, sorry for bothering, but i'm supposed to see her tomorrow, and i really don't know how to bring up the subject...

Former Member

Its really hard saying how you feel face to face, if you think you are going to chicken out how about you try bringing up the subject by text before you meet. Or how about bringing her a flower, just i single one nothing to OTT and just giving it to her, thats a way of showing how you feel without revealing too much. Or maybe if you go out to lunch insist to pay, that will be a way you can slowly steer it towards more than friends.

*charlotta* i know exactly what you mean, whenever my bfs try put their arms around me in public i tense up, im not into being so touchy in public!

Former Member

just say - there's something i didn't say the other day, i still really care about you etc etc. be reasonably casual about it so you don't scare her, but not too relaxed that you look like you don't care. if i wasn't sure about a relationship i think flowers might put me off, but that's just me!

i love public displays of affection, nothing too graphic though!

Former Member

lil lal wrote: »

just say - there's something i didn't say the other day, i still really care about you etc etc. be reasonably casual about it so you don't scare her, but not too relaxed that you look like you don't care. if i wasn't sure about a relationship i think flowers might put me off, but that's just me!

i love public displays of affection, nothing too graphic though!

lol i mean more like picking one on the way to meet her, not buying one. Its so sweet when guys do that

I like public affection when im drunk.. but i dont think that really counts!

Former Member

She didn't come to the party last night, so i suppose i'll have to ask her out if i want to discuss it with her... there goes the casualness

The point is that our relationship was so relaxed that in the end it looked like we didn't care about each other, and we both liked that kind of relationship. No calling each other 3x a day, no "i must see you today or i'll die" kind of missing each other... But i know i do care about her a lot... It's just that it didn't look like a relationship at all.

Damn, it's so hard when i have to plan everything, and i know that i'm not gonna say the things i plan to when the adrenaline hits me...

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote: »

You tend to notice it's young men who do that more than any other group. Either that, or some old codger who's managed to pull a stunning 21-year old long-haired blonde. Usually, it's just a way of showing off, a way of saying to the world "look at who I've managed to pull". Or in the case of the older man, it's most likely a way of saying "here I am, look at who I'm shagging when I've got the blue pills with me", but I digress.

:eek2:
Erm or it could just be a normal couple who are so mad about each other they just can't stop kissing/hugging etc! It's called passion. Obviously you have to cool it a little bit, not everyone wants to see it but sometimes you can't help yourself either when you have a gorgeous boyfriend right there!

Former Member

lipsy wrote: »

:eek2:
Erm or it could just be a normal couple who are so mad about each other they just can't stop kissing/hugging etc! It's called passion. Obviously you have to cool it a little bit, not everyone wants to see it but sometimes you can't help yourself either when you have a gorgeous boyfriend right there!

I wish i had that, im envious of your passionate love now!! all i have is lukewarm love

do you speak to her often on the phone, or over texting or msn or a site like myspace? because its always easier to tell someone you like them when its not face to face. You will probably feel better and be proud of yourself if you do it face to face though!

Former Member

lipsy wrote: »

:eek2:
Erm or it could just be a normal couple who are so mad about each other they just can't stop kissing/hugging etc! It's called passion. Obviously you have to cool it a little bit, not everyone wants to see it but sometimes you can't help yourself either when you have a gorgeous boyfriend right there!

:yes:

Exactly. While I appreciate that people may not want to see it, there are times when it's difficult to keep yourselves to yourselves.

SG - would you say the same thing if you saw a couple hugging/kissing at a train station or airport?

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

SG - would you say the same thing if you saw a couple hugging/kissing at a train station or airport?

Most likely, yes. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not one of those guys who frowns at any kind of displays of public affection. For instance, I've nothing against people who meet up at a train station having a hug or sharing a kiss, for instance. Lord only knows I've done that often enough.

What I'm referring to is couples who spend ages snogging away in public, groping each other's arses. I mean, seriously. If they're that keen on each other, maybe they should go back to the house, or maybe get a room in a hotel. In those places, there'd be far fewer limits for couples to show how much they like each other!

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote: »

Most likely, yes.

I'd never come in to Newcastle train station at 7:15 on a Monday morning then, if I was you. Or 5:45 on a Friday evening, for that matter :chin: .

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

I'd never come in to Newcastle train station at 7:15 on a Monday morning then, if I was you. Or 5:45 on a Friday evening, for that matter :chin: .

You could have just concluded that sentence by saying "I'd never come in to Newcastle...".

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote: »

You could have just concluded that sentence by saying "I'd never come in to Newcastle...".

Newcastle is the most awesome place in the whole world, I'll have you know.

Former Member

Franki wrote: »

Newcastle is the most awesome place in the whole world, I'll have you know.

It is if you discount almost everywhere else in the world. But on the plus side, at least you're not in the middle of those Essex bimbos anymore.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote: »

It is if you discount almost everywhere else in the world. But on the plus side, at least you're not in the middle of those Essex bimbos anymore.

Have you ever been here? No.

So I'd like to know what you're basing your opinion on ;p.

Former Member

oOoOkissesOoOo wrote: »

I wish i had that, im envious of your passionate love now!! all i have is lukewarm love

do you speak to her often on the phone, or over texting or msn or a site like myspace? because its always easier to tell someone you like them when its not face to face. You will probably feel better and be proud of yourself if you do it face to face though!

I'm totally against myspace, especially with stuff like this... can't just leave her a comment saying "i was wrong to let you go so easily and i want you back"? :no:
I just have to do this face to face, it's the only sensible way. Too bad i'm not sure when i'll have the opportunity to talk to her 1 on 1.

Former Member

nmrmak wrote: »

I'm totally against myspace, especially with stuff like this... can't just leave her a comment saying "i was wrong to let you go so easily and i want you back"? :no:
I just have to do this face to face, it's the only sensible way. Too bad i'm not sure when i'll have the opportunity to talk to her 1 on 1.

yeah myspace was a bad example. wow good luck, you're brave! Good luck for when you get to see her

Former Member

yay, thanks

btw, i don't think there's nothing brave about it, it's the only sensible way to go.

Former Member

nmrmak wrote: »

btw, i don't think there's nothing brave about it, it's the only sensible way to go.

You'll be alright. You'll soon meet some girl who thinks you're a total stud and can't get enough of you. If it can happen to me, it'll happen to you easily.

Former Member

Heh, i don't want just any girl, remember?
I'm not gonna go depressed about her or anything, but i don't think i'll be able to forgive myself if i let her slip away without at least trying to do something. She's the most "compatible" person i've ever met, let alone being with.

Former Member

nmrmak wrote: »

Heh, i don't want just any girl, remember?

Alright. I'll get out of this dress... hold these fake boobs for me, will ya?

Former Member

nmrmak wrote: »

She didn't come to the party last night, so i suppose i'll have to ask her out if i want to discuss it with her... there goes the casualness
The point is that our relationship was so relaxed that in the end it looked like we didn't care about each other, and we both liked that kind of relationship. No calling each other 3x a day, no "i must see you today or i'll die" kind of missing each other... But i know i do care about her a lot... It's just that it didn't look like a relationship at all.

Damn, it's so hard when i have to plan everything, and i know that i'm not gonna say the things i plan to when the adrenaline hits me...

See, there is your problem right there in bold. Fuck the casualness. If you want to carry on being with this girl then tell her that you want her to be your girlfriend, that you don't want her to be with anyone else. Dont be so apathetic and "relaxed". Just be a man, and say you want her to go out with YOU. If she says no, then you know to move on. But, given your description, she probably won't.

Former Member

nmrmak wrote: »

Heh, i don't want just any girl, remember? .

aw she will be lucky to have you thats really sweet

Former Member

cheeta wrote: »

See, there is your problem right there in bold. Fuck the casualness. If you want to carry on being with this girl then tell her that you want her to be your girlfriend, that you don't want her to be with anyone else. Dont be so apathetic and "relaxed". Just be a man, and say you want her to go out with YOU. If she says no, then you know to move on. But, given your description, she probably won't.

This is actually a really good idea. I think i'm gonna apply the "fuck the casualness" approach tomorrow. wish me luck

Whatever happens, i can't let her go knowing i didn't try everything i could...