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Flatmates.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm having a few issues and it's bugging me. So I need advice. Yeh.
There are two things really, first being that they're really rather lazy in regards to washing up etc. I know a couple of them do wash up their stuff, but there is constantly a massive pile of dirty dishes which don't belong to me, and everyone insists is not theirs. I've spend over an hour and a half washing up twice in the last month because I'm sick of looking at it, and one of my flatmates has her parents here today and they're doing the washing up together. I had no thank you from anyone last time I did it and I don't know why I bothered tbh. It just ends up that the people that are just leaving it there are using all their own stuff and then when that's all dirty, using everyone else's stuff so that nobody has anything. And it's getting on my nerves.
The second thing is that they're stealing my food ;(. Stuff like ketchup and butter and to an extent milk (which is always bought by me or one of my other flatmates and I hardly see any of) and bread, I don't mind. But I bought some eggs on Sunday for ME and since then they've all disappeared. I know it sounds like I'm being picky but I really can't afford to be repeatedly spending money on things which I end up not using at all.
I don't want to be all naggy with everyone but I can't really deal with people stealing my food and not doing their fair share of the washing up etc. All the stuff I have that doesn't need to be refrigerated stays in my room but stuff like eggs and things like that, I can't stop people taking and I hate that they just do it without asking. How do I stop them being like that without sounding boring and naggy?
There are two things really, first being that they're really rather lazy in regards to washing up etc. I know a couple of them do wash up their stuff, but there is constantly a massive pile of dirty dishes which don't belong to me, and everyone insists is not theirs. I've spend over an hour and a half washing up twice in the last month because I'm sick of looking at it, and one of my flatmates has her parents here today and they're doing the washing up together. I had no thank you from anyone last time I did it and I don't know why I bothered tbh. It just ends up that the people that are just leaving it there are using all their own stuff and then when that's all dirty, using everyone else's stuff so that nobody has anything. And it's getting on my nerves.
The second thing is that they're stealing my food ;(. Stuff like ketchup and butter and to an extent milk (which is always bought by me or one of my other flatmates and I hardly see any of) and bread, I don't mind. But I bought some eggs on Sunday for ME and since then they've all disappeared. I know it sounds like I'm being picky but I really can't afford to be repeatedly spending money on things which I end up not using at all.
I don't want to be all naggy with everyone but I can't really deal with people stealing my food and not doing their fair share of the washing up etc. All the stuff I have that doesn't need to be refrigerated stays in my room but stuff like eggs and things like that, I can't stop people taking and I hate that they just do it without asking. How do I stop them being like that without sounding boring and naggy?
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but seriously, maybe just say something subtle like "guys, did anyone break any of my eggs? only ive noticed they're all gone+i dont have the money to replace them, so if someone's knocked them out of the fridge and broke them,its cool, just lemme know next time, ok?"
That way they may think "shit, she's noticed, better not do that again"
I hated living with flatmates, I think most people do at uni.
I totally didn't know I could keep eggs out of the fridge! I will keep them in my little cubby-hole next time I buy them :yes:.
Get a big black marker and scrawl your name over all your things, or use sticky labels. It's only going to be seen as petty by the people who are taking your food because they won't have an excuse to steal now. It's your stuff and if you want to write your name on it you can.
Move people's stuff off your shelf if you want to. Last year I used to come home after the weekend and find they'd used all my butter, and filled the fridge up with juice so there was no room for me to store any food in it. I mean yeah I wasn't there at weekends but I lived there for the rest of the week!
We've got a washing up bowl (although box/crate does the trick), and dirty stuff that gets left lying around gets put in the bowl which at least makes it less unsightly.
Making slightly pointed comments towards people who you see/know use your cutlery/crockery that you are quite happy for them to use it but please make sure it's washed up and put back afterwards.
Fridge wise, see if you can suggest each having a shelf, 'makes it a lot easier to know what you've got and so you don't forget about things that get hidden behind something of someone elses'. That way it is clearer what's yours and what isn't. Then you can hide your butter at the back of your shelf.
Write your name on all your stuff you put in the fridge door.
It might be worth suggesting sharing milk. Get a piece of paper and stick it to the front of the fridge with each name and a tally space, then every time someone buys milk they put a mark against their tally. That way you don't end up with a million bottles of milk in the fridge but the cost is split.
Don't know if they'll work for you, but they've always helped in our shared kitchens.
They really don't! Fair enough if you get unlucky and have some bitch to live with but most people do just fine living with people and they even come to be their best mates. I know mine did. I think it's all about compromise when you start living with people you have only just met. They have different habits and different morals. Ok you don't really want people stealing your stuff or leaving a mess but you just have to have some give and take.
I'm not sure how much you can do really Franki.. in 2nd year me and a load of mates moved into a house and it was always the same couple of people who did all the cleaning (myself not included) so in 3rd year we made a rota so that everyone did something. some poeple aren't that tidy/take longer to notice things so you get the clean freaks who clean everything up for everyone and then the less tidy people don't have to bother because they know it will get done. Perhaps when theres a big pile up you could say to the person who doesn't wash up "wow this kitchens a mess! will you help me clean it up a bit?"
we never got caught up in this whats mine is mine and whats yours is yours, i dont mind people nicking something of mine if they want it as long as they dont mind when you take theirs.
maybe see if you can come to this sort of arrangement unless its not your thing?
on the cleaning thing, i cant really comment cos i was a dirty bastard at uni, altho i tended to wash my own stuff up when i'd finished and let other people worry about their own stuff being dirty.
I really don't get why so many people on thsi site ahve said that. Fair enough maybe if it's in your first year and you are in shared flats, rather than halls. But from the second year onwards surely you'd choose to live with mates and people you get on with rather than randoms?
I'm still good mates with everyone i lived with at uni, more so than the people whom i didn't share a house with at some point.
I don't mind if it's the odd thing, but I paid for 6 eggs and I expect to be able to at least eat one of them, but there are none left. I just don't understand how someone can blatantly take the last of something which they know doesn't belong to them.
Try your birthday cake. Which would have been chucked out if I hadn't put it in the fridge to stop it getting crusty.
Can't stand mine at the moment. They leave dishes out which crust over and are a bitch to wash, they leave all their crap on my shelf in the bathroom and don't put the towel on right after i ask them not to do it.
Heavy.
Fucked.
Off.
:impissed:
lol..what?
Maybe you could keep a cup, bowl, plate, saucer, some cutlery and a couple of pans in your room? I know it's a bit extreme but at least you'll always have clean stuff.
I am always the one who ends up properly gutting the bathroom, and they don't put the towel on right and it ends up on the floor hence more washing and shite and they don't put it on and fuck me this is fucking me off more than i'd like it to. :impissed:
This year is actually not too bad, living with two fellas but one of them likes cleaning up. :eek:
definitely dont feel bad about naming your food..it's yours and the occassional borrowing some milk is fine but stealing your food is unfair. In our kitchen we have a shelf for ourselves and when I come back after the weekend the fridge is usually full of their stuff so I have to move their stuff out the way.
She's too polite sometimes though, she waited till I came home tonight to ask me if she could have a couple of my potato waffles. Told her not to be so silly and help herself.
My flatmates are lovely too, we've bonded really well and all tend to use each other's stuff (I mean, it's a case of if we're in the kitchen and someone says 'has anyone got any milk' and everyone offers lol).
Although last year I had a problem of anonymous thiefs who help themselves to everything. Well, I know who it was. In the end she packed it in after a while, dunno why, I bitched about her behind her back - maybe why!
Actually write your name on whatever food you can so they get the point and keep food that you can in your room. I would get annoyed if someone was eating my food unless they asked.
i think its a bit sad when it gets to the point of crying over a bit of butter and wanting to stick labels with your name on a box of bloody eggs!
Except if you're skint, hungry and someone eats all your food that is actually worth saying something about. A box of eggs may not sound like much, but when it's your dinner it is. It's finding that balance between being assertive and not nagging that's hard, hence why having a rota, and either labelling food or having clearly separated storage areas, can really make a difference.
its defo making a mountain out of a molehill by stickin labels etc on stuff instead of just mentioning it?
I don't care about the butter. But I didn't spend money on a box of eggs just so everyone else could eat them. I wouldn't have even minded so much if they'd even asked if they could take the last one. I just think it's rude to take the last of something that you know doesn't belong to you.