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controlling boyfriend.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
helloo there.
i adore my boyfriend but he is so controlling. sometimes i like it, it's easier for me to just go with the flow.. and i like to think i comprimise quite well, whenever he really fancies a lads night and wants me to come then i usually will, despite the beer bongs and (boring) talk of football and boobs. and i have fun, i dont just sit there with a face on if thats what you're thinking.
well anyway, it is my friend's birthday party coming up. she and the boy don't get along very well but i asked him ages ago to come with me, and he agreed. now the party is at the weekend and he's really moaning about it and saying he's probably not going to come. and it's getting me down. its not the actual party itself, loads of my friends will be there as well, it's just the fact that he won't sacrifice a few hours of his night to do something nice for me? if it was the other way round i'd be fallen out with for days. but i feel too weak to do anything like that, like i couldn't cope without him. feel like i'm losing my personality a bit.
sorry rambling on. any help?
i adore my boyfriend but he is so controlling. sometimes i like it, it's easier for me to just go with the flow.. and i like to think i comprimise quite well, whenever he really fancies a lads night and wants me to come then i usually will, despite the beer bongs and (boring) talk of football and boobs. and i have fun, i dont just sit there with a face on if thats what you're thinking.
well anyway, it is my friend's birthday party coming up. she and the boy don't get along very well but i asked him ages ago to come with me, and he agreed. now the party is at the weekend and he's really moaning about it and saying he's probably not going to come. and it's getting me down. its not the actual party itself, loads of my friends will be there as well, it's just the fact that he won't sacrifice a few hours of his night to do something nice for me? if it was the other way round i'd be fallen out with for days. but i feel too weak to do anything like that, like i couldn't cope without him. feel like i'm losing my personality a bit.
sorry rambling on. any help?
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Comments
hope you get it sorted
I concur.
Show yourself a little respect and stand up for yourself. If you don't find the courage to do that, he'll chip at your personality bit by bit as time goes on. Relationships are about compromise, and compromise isn't a one way street.
:yes:
I don't think he sounds controlling at all from what you wrote though - just a bit selfish.
Yeah agree.
Anyway the thing is he can't have it all he's own way. Try telling him so and so bf will be there, so he's got few bloke mates he knows and can chat to etc. The thing is nights like that often turn out to be really good ones cos your thinking it'll be shit so it can't get any worse.
Just tell him he doesn't have to feel like preforming monkey and have to impress anyone. Failing that let him know he's in for blow job if he goes
I felt exactly like you, and when the relationship finished, I didnt really know who I was anymore. Id allowed him to dilute my personality (posh words for a fri), id morphed into a complete people pleaser. Please dont let it happen to you.
Stand up for yourself, and remember who you are. If your avid to keep him, (he does sound selfish tho) he wanted to go out with YOU in the first place, how you are, the person you are is what attracted him, not who it sounds like he is trying to turn you into. Hope that makes sense. Im not dissing you in the slightest, just makes me angry that I went along with this sort of thing for so long. good luck!!:)
I'm also quite confused why he would invite his lass on a lads night out??? They're supposed to be girl-free!!
g-angel, i guess i have not really given the full story with my boyfriend, but i do think he is a controlling person, though i shouldn't have really called the thread this because this isn't an example of him being controlling. wasn't really thinking. everything in his life has to be his way, he has such a strong personality i just find myself doing exactly what he wants me to. and i don't go along to lads nights out, just to poker nights and nights in with his friends. it can be fun, i get on with his mates, its just not my 1st choice on a night?
thanx lankygirl, i am trying to keep myself intact. i have changed quite a bit since being with him, appearance wise especially, and my lifestyle has changed quite drastically.. but i do think for the better. though sometimes there is the odd moment when i find myself thinking is this what i really want. but the good outweighs the bad i think, i have matured since being with him and he is a good influence in a lot of things. i really try and make an effort to put my foot down when i feel strongly about something but i find that because i love him i just want to please him and dont want to disappoint him? that sounds a bit weird.
thanx for everyone's advice!
Right, things are a bit clearer now.
Never, ever let a man change who you are.
It isn't good for you, it isn't good for him, it isn't good for your friends. Yes, relationships involve sacrifice (on both sides), but too much sacrifice and you start to lose yourself, become unhappy, and blame it all on him. Never worth it!
Oh and maybe one more thing, *hugs!* My boyfriend's been a total arse in the past about socialising with my friends, and it took a lot of perseverance but I've finally made him realise how important it is to me, trained him to pop along to the odd night out, and he enjoys himself and gets on with them all quite well now! But yes, I know how it feels, so I feel your pain! Hope you manage to sort it.
xx