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What options do I have?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know there's not a lot people on here can say to help me here, and there's probably no more options than what I know already but I can live in hope.

Basically, I can't live at home much longer. The relationship between me and my parents has completely broken down, no matter what I've tried doing to fix it. It's gotten to a point that it's making me ill, I returned home from holiday about 3 hours ago, my mum has been in the house less than one hour and already we've had blazing arguments and I'm sitting shaking because I can't handle going back downstairs. I feel like a complete stranger in my own family home and I can't take it anymore. I've been kicked out twice in the last few weeks, and had friends bailing me out each time, but my mood and confusion from it all is putting strain on those relationships too and I'm going to end up pushing them away which is going to leave me totally alone.

I've already looked into council housing - which I can apply for but seeing as I have no emergency circumstances it's going to be a very long wait, and they've also suggested rent assistance, but what little help that will be is yet to be proved.

No where will take me on privately as I've only worked with my current job for a month and I am on a relatively low wage, so can't afford much, but unfortunetly, in my local area, for my age the money is as good as I'm going to get right now. Right now I'm working all overtime god sends, partly to make sure I have as much money as possible behind me, and partly to keep me out of the house.

I don't really know what I'm asking - what would you do? Right now I feel like I'm going mad, nothing I do to sort things out is helping and I don't know where to turn next, I truly do feel like I'm going insane.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you get thrown out of home again (not that you want this of course) then you should phone the council, they will provide housing for you short term, usually a bed and breakfast, while they look for somewhere suitable for you long term.

    Would you consider lodging- cheaper than renting your own place and your bills will be included in the price?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If moving out is an option then I'd advise house sharing, either with people you know or randoms (make sure you meet them first to check they're not weirdos). Its much cheaper than having your own place

    The other option is to get a job which provides staff accommodation which is what I did when I was 18 and needed to move out to save my sanity. I worked in a hotel for about £5 an hour and about £30 a week came out of my wages for my board. I also was supposed to get my meals at the hotel but being vegetarian I didn't get much. I shared a room and the accommodation was basic to say the least, but I had a bed and a chest of drawers and it was clean (at least it was when we got there haha). There was shared bathrooms and toilets and a washroom with a washing machine and a microwave. Lol I remember I didn't even have a duvet, just an old feather pillow and a blanket and some sheets. We didn't have a telly or a cd player or a fridge for about 2 months. It was brilliant though I loved it. I miss being 18 :grump:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if your parents write a letter saying that you can no longer live there than you'll probably get put in the emergancy band but i'm not sure if they would agree to do this. the council will probably offer you 'family mediation' but just say it's gone beyond that point..it's how i moved out of my dad's and into a council flat. can i ask how old you are? this can also determine your 'priority'.

    other than that staying with a friend for a while or a nice relative? the home situation doesn't sound like it's doing you any good and you probably need some space.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote: »
    can i ask how old you are? this can also determine your 'priority'.

    I'm 18, 19 in a few months. I have had a meeting with the council and have filled in various forms, but my mums so adamant they'll do nothing to help me that I don't know what to believe anymore.

    My friends have been insanely helpful but I can't keep relying on them because it's putting a strain on our friendships and I really can't lose them on top of everything else, it'll break my heart. All my relatives on my mums side are very much backing her - though I'm still not sure what I've done. I'm not close to many on my dad's side,but I'm trying. It's all looking a bit hopeless though.

    I'm just so confused. Apparently, I caused chaos for her all week, but Sunday I was either in bed, because I'm constantly exhausted from all this, then I was at work, and so was she. Monday, I worked from 9 am - 10pm, and when I came home both of my parents were at work, Tuesday, I got up relatively ealr yand went to Barmouth, and I got back at 4pm this afternoon, so I'm completely lost. :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think she would write a letter saying that you can no longer live there? I know it sounds harsh but that is what my dad did, I was 17/18 at the time so got into the priority band. I'm not sure how it works where you live. Really hope your mum can judge the situation enough to help you out with the letter. Either that or it may come as a shock to her and hopefully she'll talk to you and sort things out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you have a local university? I would possibly try ringing them on the off chance that they have free rooms - sometimes they will rent them out to non students, Salford does.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're on a low income and under 25 you'll get enough housing benefit to pay for a shared room in a house, so you could consider taking out a house share just to get away from your family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    If you're on a low income and under 25 you'll get enough housing benefit to pay for a shared room in a house, so you could consider taking out a house share just to get away from your family.


    I was about to say - HOUSESHARE.

    They don't usually check credit etc etc etc and it's not like you have to take on a whole place. I don't know where you are, but unless you're in London this should not cost a lot of money.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was in a similar-ish situation a couple of years back when I fell out with my Mam, housesharing really is the best option because councils housing priorities aren't worth relying on.

    Be pro-active about it though, don't fall back into the same old ways and hope things will get better. I spent four days sleeping in a multi-storey car park before I got enough to pay a deposit because I was too proud to ask my mates for help, ask them for help looking for flatshares aswell.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try easyroommate.com and Gumtree for house shares, they're how I found my current housemates and flat and it's all worked out well. Good luck, I hope your situation gets better, it sounds horrid :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StupidGirl wrote: »
    Try easyroommate.com and Gumtree for house shares, they're how I found my current housemates and flat and it's all worked out well. Good luck, I hope your situation gets better, it sounds horrid :(
    I was going to suggest easyroommate.com that's where I find people to rent my spare room. If you do use that site I suggest paying up for a couple of weeks (about £10 I think) because then people can contact you directly and it makes you seem more serious.

    I would reccomend house sharing over council housing any day, in my opinion it's better value and much easier to manage as all your bills etc are often included in you monthly rent.
  • BunnieBunnie Posts: 6,099 Master Poster
    oh sweetie, I have just seen this! Not a nice welcome home I am sure.

    I think you have pretty much hit the nail on the head, you dont have many other options I am afraid.

    When I was so lovingly kicked out, the council suggested a women's hostel. Now I know that sounds horrendous, it is a roof at the end of the day.

    I however think your best option is to move in with a friend, or get a houseshare. I know you, and I know a hostel won't be right for you, just like it wasn't right for me.

    And without wanting to sound hypocritical, I really would attempt to build some bridges with your parents. I assume this is a relatively recent thing, as I havent heard you mention any problems before?

    Have you spoken to your mum about it? Told her how you feel? It may be worth a shot. She might be having problems and her way is to take it out on you. I am not saying that is fair in any means, but she may not realise how it is affecting you.

    I would say you know where I am, but I cant as I have just returned from a vanishing act!! - but you have my number, I am sure...if not PM me.

    xx
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