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M.E. and my mother

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i´m not sure if this should be going in here or relationships but anyway...

when i was very little my mum got ME (otherwise known as chronic fatigue syndrone among otherthings), and i ended up caring for her off and on (as it comes and goes) up until i left home at 15

my mum lives in spain, i live in london, she has no health insurance because she hasn´t been able to work for a while and seems to be getting progressively worse. I´m meant to be here on holiday and i´m getting totaly exhaused everyday to the point of tears because i´m having to do so much for her. This also means that half of the things i´ve wanted to do i can´t do now, because she needs to rest for a day at least, after going out the previous day.

i have enough stress in my life as it is, and have had a really shitty few months, and came over (thinking my mum was doing well and in remission so to speak), and now, i´ve only been here since thursday and i want to go home and not see her for a long time. it´s heart breaking seeing her like this and i really can´t cope with it, but it worries me sick that she has no health cover and no one else around to help her...

what am i meant to do?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi,

    i'm probably not the best of help but i did see BBC news 24 this lunchtime talking about this condition. i'm not too sure what sites there are but search on google and you may be able to find some support around your area which can give you more advice...

    i hope that is any help at all...:confused:

    good luck amy x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i´m not sure if this should be going in here or relationships but anyway...

    when i was very little my mum got ME (otherwise known as chronic fatigue syndrone among otherthings), and i ended up caring for her off and on (as it comes and goes) up until i left home at 15

    my mum lives in spain, i live in london, she has no health insurance because she hasn´t been able to work for a while and seems to be getting progressively worse. I´m meant to be here on holiday and i´m getting totaly exhaused everyday to the point of tears because i´m having to do so much for her. This also means that half of the things i´ve wanted to do i can´t do now, because she needs to rest for a day at least, after going out the previous day.

    i have enough stress in my life as it is, and have had a really shitty few months, and came over (thinking my mum was doing well and in remission so to speak), and now, i´ve only been here since thursday and i want to go home and not see her for a long time. it´s heart breaking seeing her like this and i really can´t cope with it, but it worries me sick that she has no health cover and no one else around to help her...

    what am i meant to do?

    Hi, I really sympathise with you. Is there any one who can offload some of the stress like relatives? I know you said there isn't anyone else around to help her but even just a phonecall to a family friend or a close relative might relieve some of the burden. Also does your mum have some sort of home help? Maybe that would be something to think about. When my dad was ill he had a cleaner type woman come round to clean and it also provided him with company. I'm not sure how everything operates in Spain but perhaps you could research it. How long are you there on holiday?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my mum has no money for a home help and me and her are the last remaining relatives in our family...i´m only here til friday but things work very differently here, the family is expected to do all the caring...and it all has to be paid for and i can´t afford it...and she would have to be dying inorder for her to come back to england...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is the family expected to do all the caring bit just what neighbours say? i can understand the difference culturally but there must be some source out there that you can go to for advice. i know it's hard but don't give up hope. do they have a citizens advice bureau? also have you spoken to your mum about this? i'm just wondering how she was managing before you arrived.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really do wonder how she has been managing without me, i´m really not sure...

    seriously, here you either pay a private nurse or you get on with it and do it yourself. thats what everyone else does.

    my mum is intitled to nothing over here, there are no advice type things that i´m aware of and the advice they would give her is to go back to england.

    i have tryed to talk to her about it but she won´t talk to me about it and says she´s fine, even though she spent pretty much the whole day in bed...and hasn´t earnt any money since march
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and she would have to be dying inorder for her to come back to england...

    Why?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    because she hates england with a passion...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm sounds a very difficult situation to be in and i'm sorry that you are so stressed and tired :no: It does sound like your mum is either in denial or trying to pretend to you that things aren't that bad. But seriously, if the only place she can get help is england then it does sound like you're going to have to bite the bullet, be frank with her about what sort of effect it's having on you as well as her. Whether she wants to or not the best thing in the end might turn out to be her moving back to the UK. Hating england with a passion does not help to get the bills paid, her health looked after or her daughter from having a nervous breakdown. (sorry to be blunt, not trying to be rude or nasty, just honest).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh, i´ve already had a nervous break down, so there ain´t much left to give...

    she seriously won´t go back unless she is dying which she isn´t. her bills are cheap, and she gets little bursts of money occationaly, but if she gets any worse then i´ll have to sort things out.

    my mother is fiercly independent and at 18 i´m not ready to discuss how she´s going to look after herself if it get worse and as she gets older. she´s only 50 next january. I just find it very difficult to to deal with...and i do wish there was an easy answer. if it does get worse then i shall have to get her to come back and possibly live with me. but that would mean living out of london...

    why did i have to be an only child?
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