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wanting to move in together too soon
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i really need someones advice, pls, because this situation is driving me mad!
Basically, to cut a long story short, ive been ready for my own place for about 2years now. For the first of these years i was in a long term relationship+we'de had meetings with financial advisors, gone shopping for house stuff+everything - then we split up.
im over it and know it was for the best, and have spent the last 9 months in a relationship with a lovely guy. We've been through alot of ups and downs at the very start of our relationship, but now are solid+so so happy. i dont actually think ive ever been this happy
BUT.....recently, alot of my friends have started moving in with their partners, and its reminded me of how much i want that. Im truely ready for this+if my partner suggested it today, id jump at the chance, BUT he isnt. this is his most serious relationship and he's not ready yet! Fair enough, but i cannot get over this. I feel so so sad whenever we go round someones house, all i think is 'i want this'. Girls dream of their wedding+their dream day, but ive never wanted that, just a place i can decorate+call my own and be proud of!
Basically, im ready, bf isnt, and i need someone's POV on this. Good or Bad views, i want to hear it all, because i want to stop moping over this everytime we go out
Thanx to anyone who can help!
L+C
Basically, to cut a long story short, ive been ready for my own place for about 2years now. For the first of these years i was in a long term relationship+we'de had meetings with financial advisors, gone shopping for house stuff+everything - then we split up.
im over it and know it was for the best, and have spent the last 9 months in a relationship with a lovely guy. We've been through alot of ups and downs at the very start of our relationship, but now are solid+so so happy. i dont actually think ive ever been this happy
BUT.....recently, alot of my friends have started moving in with their partners, and its reminded me of how much i want that. Im truely ready for this+if my partner suggested it today, id jump at the chance, BUT he isnt. this is his most serious relationship and he's not ready yet! Fair enough, but i cannot get over this. I feel so so sad whenever we go round someones house, all i think is 'i want this'. Girls dream of their wedding+their dream day, but ive never wanted that, just a place i can decorate+call my own and be proud of!
Basically, im ready, bf isnt, and i need someone's POV on this. Good or Bad views, i want to hear it all, because i want to stop moping over this everytime we go out
Thanx to anyone who can help!
L+C
0
Comments
* You have, by the sounds of it a great boyfriend, who you have never been happier with. That's great! To quote someone, a lot of people would crawl on their lips though a field full of leeches for that.
* He doesn't want to move in with you... yet. He hasn't said, "No, never," it's just something he's not ready for. He hasn't written off the idea completely, so there's a possibility of it happening in the future.
If you carry on moping and feeling 'behind' your friends, he might start detecting these feelings, if he hasn't done already. You don't want that to become an issue.
i am trying to focus on the good points of our relationship tho!
Don't let it get you down. Just because your friends are, it doesn't mean everything ends up rosy. Moving in with someone can be a weird adjustment, even if you're 100% ready. I went through a similar phase when a lot of my friends were getting engaged (I was single at the time) and it can be a horrible feeling, but you have to try and get out of that trap of focusing on what you don't have, as it can spiral into more negative thinking.
Can't you get a flat by yourself? It would be more secure than buying with a boyfriend. I don't think you can rely on a man to make your dreams come true. I know someone who bought a house with her b/f, then they broke up and had to sell it.
Some people love living with a partner, personally I think it's over rated. But I am probably bitter due to my own experiences!
katchika - on my shit wages, i really cant afford a place of my own. altho, hopefully il be getting a better job soon.
im not really relying upon him to make my dreams come true, its just my dream now has him included in it. obviously there's a risk, but there are risks with everything, and ive kind of learnt you cant hold back on what you want due to a chance you may get hurt.
If you cant arrange to spend one night a week together then somethings a bit wrong if you ask me, surely you can arrange things differently?
:yes: Then when BOTH of you are ready he can always move in
well ideally, yes, but i cant really afford it alone at the moment. Also, i know full well (and he's admitted this) that if i got my own place tomorrow he'd stay every night, come round straight after work+go to work from mine in the morning!! so basically, living with me then?
Ah I see. Me and my boyfriend reached that point and moved in together but we were ready for the commitment after 3 years being together, and we also shared our money between us so it was the natural step. It sounds like your bf isn't ready for that and I don't blame him - its only been 9 months! Just hold your horses - if its meant to happen it will of its own accord!
9 months! I suppose its different for different people, but well I pretty much moved in with my other half after about 3 weeks. Well to be more truthful she moved in with me the sponge.
:crazyeyes
Yep you're right though it is different for different people. It is annoying when you're ready and the other person isn't
Him - I want to move in with you
Me - I'm not too sure...
H - I spend all my time at your house and you do my washing anyway
M - ok lets do it then
Similar to
M - wanna have a baby?
H - sounds good, when
M - hm maybe in a while when we have more money
H - ok then
We save any fuss and arguing for the more important things in life such as who paid last in tesco or who hasn't done the dishes. Nearly broke up over that one!
I can go one simpler than that, basically we went out for the night, then the next weekend she came to stay and stayed for 5 days, the next time she didnt really leave.