Torn between mates

Former Member

Does anybody else get this?

Different circles of friends who don't get along, or one mate who doesn't get on with the others...

One person asks you to go out, then the other does (and they're pushy, or you don't wanna say no in case you upset them, or in case they see you with the other person).

Do many people here have the situation of people not getting along?

How do you handle it?

Former Member

I have this situation with one mate, but I think she only acts up and pretends to dislike my other group of friends because they're friends I made on my own, without her. If ever I mention them, she tuts or rolls her eyes, and doesn't want to hear about them. Yet she has no specific reason for not liking them, and hasn't spent long enough in their company to not get along. So because there's no grounds for it, I just ignore the fact she doesn't like them, and talk about them and go out with them like normal. I think it's a bit immature of her, so I pay no attention to it.

Do your one group of friends have good reason to not like your other friends? Or do they just not get along in general?

Former Member

If someone aasks you first and you say yes, then that is your commitment and you can just tell the other party straight- 'I have already made plans, but tell me when you're next free and I'll definitely spend that time with you.' If one asks, and then another asks before you've decided on the first, it's a harder situation. If in the first scenario, the second friend got in a huff, I would ignore it and leave them to it tbh- they'll get over it. I don't want my friends to all get along, I like them all seperate and that's how I try to arrange things.

Former Member

I agree with Katralla.
I have no idea if my different mates would all get along because although most of them have met, i dont really encourage them to be buddies. I prefer them to be seperate.
If youve already made arrangements and then someone else isnt taking no for an answer, then you just need to be assertive. "aw that sounds fab but ive already arranged something, sorry"

Former Member

innocent_kate wrote: »

I have this situation with one mate, but I think she only acts up and pretends to dislike my other group of friends because they're friends I made on my own, without her. If ever I mention them, she tuts or rolls her eyes, and doesn't want to hear about them. Yet she has no specific reason for not liking them, and hasn't spent long enough in their company to not get along. So because there's no grounds for it, I just ignore the fact she doesn't like them, and talk about them and go out with them like normal. I think it's a bit immature of her, so I pay no attention to it.

Yeah, that is immauture.

Do your one group of friends have good reason to not like your other friends? Or do they just not get along in general?

It depends, I have a fair few groups of friends. One guy just pisses everyone off (and to be honest, since he told me I'd end up putting petrol in to his car when I graduate and he'd laugh, I can't be arsed with him more than a cure for boredom), he has aspergers and no tact whatsoever but also a serious superiority complex. He talks down to me when really, he isn't that intelligent himself, is 23 and has never had a job, knows nothing but computers (he just scraped a 3rd at university on a computing course) and thinks he's going to earn really high wages one day. He just annoys people and says stupid stuff...

Another, I don't know. My group of friends in Wrexham are always falling out, usually down to the same person shit stirring. I can't be arsed with it.

It must be a village thing, but so many people have superiority complexes and think the world revolves around them that it just gets annoying and causes more argurments. People should just shut the hell up and get along.

Former Member

SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »

I have no idea if my different mates would all get along because although most of them have met, i dont really encourage them to be buddies. I prefer them to be seperate.

Yeah I am in London (although my London friends don't seem like my friends at home).

Former Member

Yeah I do get that. My friends are all so different and i use the term 'friends' quite lightly because i know a lot of them are quite fair-weathered like they be around when everythings all fun and friendly but when im having a bad time some of them fuck off ... anyway back to the subject ..
just try and spend time with both groups i wouldnt bother trying to mix both groups together unless your 100% sure theyll get on cos its just awkward. one mate of mine is completely oblivious to awkwardness and she once invited me out for a drink with some of her mates and it was painful. I didn?t have anything in common with them they obviously thought the same they didn?t drink and made me feel like a raging alcoholic