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oh god
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i feel really bad for posting here and im not sure why. most people know that chris dumped me a month ago now over some reason i cant find. it's come across quite clearly that he dumped me because apparently i 'depressed' him and he cant deal with me crying over the sexual harassment case at college.
after attempting to top myself or just in my own words 'knock myself out' i go into hospital for three weeks and havent self harmed since then. when i get out my good friend who happens to be an ex comes for the weekend and i basically offer myself to him. so..last night we go out and have fun playing pool and go back to mine and basically have sex twice. he's attractive and he knows its a one off but im still sad when he leaves in the morning because he lives in bournemouth.
im not a slut. i just want to somehow disattach myself from chris and i thought that by doing that it would work. i really thought it would. but i dont know. now i feel strange and tearful.
part of me wants to message him on myspace and confront him but this wont work. he filled out one of those lame questionnaires on myspace and in relationship status put 'never again'. charming.
my head feels screwed at the moment and argh. i texted my friend that i was upset and shes been great and is taking me out tomorrow somewhre to cheer me up. the only thing is this is the girl who i found out chris 'likes' because when we were dating he sensitively decided to tell me that he had a naughty dream about her. now i just look at her and want to be like her.
there are still marks from when i cut myself and that was over a month ago. it just looks awkward and i dont want to be permanently branded a self harmer for life.
after attempting to top myself or just in my own words 'knock myself out' i go into hospital for three weeks and havent self harmed since then. when i get out my good friend who happens to be an ex comes for the weekend and i basically offer myself to him. so..last night we go out and have fun playing pool and go back to mine and basically have sex twice. he's attractive and he knows its a one off but im still sad when he leaves in the morning because he lives in bournemouth.
im not a slut. i just want to somehow disattach myself from chris and i thought that by doing that it would work. i really thought it would. but i dont know. now i feel strange and tearful.
part of me wants to message him on myspace and confront him but this wont work. he filled out one of those lame questionnaires on myspace and in relationship status put 'never again'. charming.
my head feels screwed at the moment and argh. i texted my friend that i was upset and shes been great and is taking me out tomorrow somewhre to cheer me up. the only thing is this is the girl who i found out chris 'likes' because when we were dating he sensitively decided to tell me that he had a naughty dream about her. now i just look at her and want to be like her.
there are still marks from when i cut myself and that was over a month ago. it just looks awkward and i dont want to be permanently branded a self harmer for life.
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Comments
I'm going to Hull to see my cousin at some point but I cant go up there like this.
No, being serious. Get a rest, distance yourself, it'll help you take your mind off what happened.
Jaloux I dont have his number anymore because I have a new phone and thankfully had enough willpower not to retrieve it. I took him off my top friends but it hurts to cut him off completely. I'm not sure why.
Damn skippy.
Get a last minute deal, honestly.
www.latedeals.co.uk
Do you the world of good.
xx.
ETA - http://www.latedeals.co.uk/Bulgaria-(Bourgas)/Sunny-Beach/1805301.html
Look!
I know it doesn't sound like much but you do sound a good bit more positive than you did a couple of weeks ago, which is good.
Tomorrow should be good if you're going out with your mate for the day :thumb:
Tomorrow just focus on seeing your friend. Try not to be alone too much, thats when thinking gets in the way.
If you are on your own for whatever reason, get a good book, and get taken away.
To make you smile, and just for you, I will let you into an Emma Classic...I have spent the last 15 mins waiting for my potatoes to boil, but I turned the wrong hob on!
*biggest hugs in the world*
Thanks
Rach, your scars will fade. Most of mine have. Yours will fade too. If someone asks you what you did, make up a lie. Its what I do OR you can be honest about your past. Afterall, the past has made you who you are today and if nobody can accept that then well, they aint worth knowing. I don't tell people that I used to self harm because personally, I feel embarassed and ashamed about it plus theres the fact I no longer do it. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be honest as I find lying to people about it a bit awkward.
As for feeling better about everything, its going to take time. There was one boy who finished me last year for no absolute reason. I really liked him too so therefore, it took me MONTHS to get over him despite us only going out for a very short while. I wasted so much time crying over him and I regret it so much! Like you, I found it hard to deal with 'why' I was dumped. You are never going to know though hun if he hasn't told you already. You are a lovely girl and you will meet someone else even if you can't see it now.
I don't really know what will actually make you feel better so all I can advise is what people already have...keep yourself around friends and family, maybe take a break (although you've already said you aren't keen on this idea), maybe take up a few new hobbies to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied?
If you want to talk to me ANYTIME you've got my mobile number and my msn. Take care
Stay strong
For the moment, maybe it's a good idea to do stuff. Go out, get a new hobby like others suggested, in general find something you think is fun.
You really have come a long way in the last couple of weeks and I've every faith in you Rach, honestly
Each day as it comes dear, and if you ever feel down then just think of Emma trying to boil potatoes on the wrong hob! It's not even that hard to imagine either, eh?
Well done flower
Even this is such an UNBEARABLE situation and will probably last longer than you'd like it to you're going to grow a thicker skin and be a better judge of character.
It's just a slight bump on your lifepath if you pardon the cheesy allegory.
I've came out the otherside of dealing with the worst possible break up and dealing with an ex who was sectioned, called me up to admit he was ready to commit suicide only for him to work through all his issues but leave his love and respect for me behind when he cheated on me.
I wanted to throw in the towel, was very close to taking a shitload of aspirin all for this utter numpty. But you slowly and surely get over it, what usually got me going (after bawling my eyes out) was thinking 'that shit isn't sitting around moping about me! He'll be living it up - why the fuck can't I?!
You learn that you aren't appreciated really, it's all a facade, and that's okay. Again, it's just part and parcel with the healing. It makes you realise when the next lad who comes along for you (if you want him to that is) you've got a FUCKload to give. When you meet the right person you'll be bursting with love.
Look how you are with your friends and family, and that's onlt a SMALL percentage of your love. Think how great it'll be when you're ready to dedicate all that to someone who's actually adequate enough to be loved by you!
It's an absolutely devestating process pet, I won't lie to you. But the key here is perseverance even when you think you have nothing left. There are SO many people on this earth who love you - although with your ego it'll probably feel very few and/or you may feel quite alone and that's completely understandable - but you're better than all this crap and have much more to give in this life. Promise.
xx.
i know i have to inevitably let go i just hate feeling what i feel for him when he obviously didn't feel an ounce of it for me. i just dont want to let my guard down anymore if this happens.
i toyed with the idea of killing myself and had intrusive thoughts which made me feel like i was going mad. i still have them but know i wont carry them out. at the clinic i only ever came close to it when i was in my room and attempted to hold a pillow over my face, as silly as it sounds but i think i knew it wouldn't work deep down. i just wanted to knock myself out and not be there.
before at home i cut my wrists, my stomach and then went onto my face, one bizaare moment i decided to try and drown myself in the pond by sitting in it even though its not even a metre deep. its ridiculous and i hate it. i just want to be strong enough for university next year and unfortunately i know its cliche but my trust has been pretty much broken beyond repair and no way am i getting involved emotionally for a long, long time.
sorry for that chunk of strangeness.
I'll bet you 30quid this time next year this situation will be a blur. Honestly. 30quid, pet. It's completely normal how you felt, it's the shock to the system having someone finish with you especially in what was your hour of need but like I said and many others, I would have been glad it was 7 months in rather than 7 years in. THAT would have been the killer.
It's okay to wonder what he's up to but it's the worst possible idea to go back to him especially in this frame of mind. It'd be a waste of the time in the private clinic, know?
You will get someone to idolise you as well as be an equal, but you need to love YOURSELF firstly before you can begin to compliment any relationship with anyone else right now.
You'll be reet.
But definitely I bet you 30quid this time next year you'll have wondered what the fuss was.
Just take as much time as you need for you, and always always fight the urge to contact him whatsoever, that's the best advice I can give you.
Can absolutely guarantee you that I've been least twice as bad a judge of character than you are. The important thing is that we learn, move on and don't let things get the better of us.
Listen to what Becky said. She wouldn't bet 30 quid unless it was a done deal, trust me on that
You do sound a load better than you did, keeping working at it Rach :thumb:
Norman Cook once said to me - 'You've come a long way, baby!' and it's true. You're stronger than you think and I'm glad you didn't beg. You're worth 45890034 of that utter plank. You're doing braw. Just don't feel ashamed when your mood dips from time to time.