What should i do???

Former Member

Hi
I've been dating this girl for about 5 years, we got together when we were 16, and things were going pretty good, we had our ups and downs but we always got through everything. we even could laugh at ourselves in any argument. Recently she just decided that she wanted a break to experience single life because she felt she lost who she was and didn't feel like she was the same person when she first got into this relationship, she assured me it wasn't me, and that this was something she really needed. She says she still loves me very much and feels this break will only make this relationship stronger and that she will contact me in a few months about her decision but says she woudl like if we still talk just as friends. i can't help feeling scared that she will fall for another guy while i wait for her even though she assures me that isn't her intention. i just cant' seem to be comfortable with this arrangement and i feel like its eating me up inside thinking about whats going to happen and if i mite lose her but i dont want to hold her back. She says she wants me to also go out and experience single life too and that this will make us stronger and realize if this is what we really want, but its jus not something im comfortable with as i know this is what i really want. Am i just being paranoid and possessive of her? i really dotn want to hold her back, but i can't help but feeling helpless

Former Member

let her figure out things for herself if you dont it'll only end up worse in the long run, what happens happens

Former Member

Nicole.91 wrote: »

let her figure out things for herself if you dont it'll only end up worse in the long run, what happens happens

Pretty sound advice unfortunately. Its just one of those things mate, you got together quite young, neither of you have really lived yet. Just give her space/time, if its meant to be she'll come back round.

Former Member

You guys need to sit down and have a really long long talk.

But I'm afraid if she still wants a break you can't stop her, because even if she does stay she will only resent you for making her. It doesn't sound like you are coping too well with the idea - no criticism, I couldn't do it :no: - so you might even want to think about calling the whole thing off. If she loves you she will come back to you, if she doesn't then it will hurt you less to break it off whilst it's at least partly on your terms. I also wouldn't want to talk "as friends" because that will just keep the wound open.

But talk first - though 5 years from 16 to 21 is a really long time through a lot of changes and you may just have to accept that it's over, at least for now.

Former Member

This sounds exactly like the situation I was in earlier in the year. Had been with my boyfriend for five years from 16-21, and then with someone for two years before that. At the end of last year we began having some problems and I just didn't feel happy anymore, but I still felt that I loved my boyfriend and wanted a future with him, but just needed some space.

I explained it all clearly to him and stuff and he accepted it, but then after a day or so he just kept coming back to me wanting to go over it all again. I got emails, phone calls, texts, he turned up my house unannounced etc., sent me emails saying how he hadn't slept with anyone else "yet" but that he wouldn't wait forever, etc. That is one of the things that really pushed me away, because I had nothing new to say to him and I'd wanted a break because I needed space from him and the relationship to regain some sense of my self and what I wanted in life.

So I would say, if you are unable to deal with the situation as it is (waiting around and not knowing what she is going to decide) then do just have one big chat with her. Maybe say that you'll just leave things for now and if the two of you can stay friends and happen to want to get back together at some point in the future then fantastic, but that waiting around in the way you are is too difficult. It is her decision at the end of the day and these things are difficult for both of you, but at least closing the door on the relationship and just staying friends for now might help you to focus on your own life a bit more and get out there and enjoy yourself, rather than feeling like you're waiting around for her until (if or when) she is ready.