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Is it shallow to be attracted to attractiveness, and look down on others?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How much (or little) does it matter to you, both for potential new friends and relationships, if you deem the other person not as 'attractive' as you? If you are slim and gorgeous, would you befriend someone fat and ugly if they're a nice person? If you're a middle class graduate would you have no problems hanging out with a working class bricklayer with no A-Levels? Or does 'like attract like' only?
I am asking because last time I was here I got murdered for being 'shallow' for a few things I said and it really got to me, thinking that maybe I'm in the wrong looking down on people I deem less attractive - if someone's ugly or a 'chav' I would not want to associate with them. At the exclusive nightclubs I go to, if someone's not deemed attractive enough they will be rudely turned away at the door - the guestlist company I use says "We don’t buy databases, mass flyer or pay models to party with us, instead we hand pick those we deem of a Veneer standard" - by that they're referring to looks and class. I like this as the club will be filled with beautiful people, which I find attractive.
You thought I was really shallow for saying it matters what your girlfriend looks like, this can really boost/lower your reputation and respect. So recently I've been quite attentive about the topic but noticed that everyone does this - people's conversations are non-stop like "Omg have you seen Phil's new gf, she's so fit, well done him", "Did you see the whale Barry pulled last night, he could do so much better", "Ooh she's dating a City banker", "Dude you really like your pretty exotic birds don't you" etc etc.
Would appreciate if responses remain on topic and not a platform to insult me as per usual.x
I am asking because last time I was here I got murdered for being 'shallow' for a few things I said and it really got to me, thinking that maybe I'm in the wrong looking down on people I deem less attractive - if someone's ugly or a 'chav' I would not want to associate with them. At the exclusive nightclubs I go to, if someone's not deemed attractive enough they will be rudely turned away at the door - the guestlist company I use says "We don’t buy databases, mass flyer or pay models to party with us, instead we hand pick those we deem of a Veneer standard" - by that they're referring to looks and class. I like this as the club will be filled with beautiful people, which I find attractive.
You thought I was really shallow for saying it matters what your girlfriend looks like, this can really boost/lower your reputation and respect. So recently I've been quite attentive about the topic but noticed that everyone does this - people's conversations are non-stop like "Omg have you seen Phil's new gf, she's so fit, well done him", "Did you see the whale Barry pulled last night, he could do so much better", "Ooh she's dating a City banker", "Dude you really like your pretty exotic birds don't you" etc etc.
Would appreciate if responses remain on topic and not a platform to insult me as per usual.x
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Comments
Maybe?!
Oh and you've got a bit of a nerve after your showing on here, wouldn't you say?
I've been out with guys who I don't particularly think are 'gorgeous' that I wouldn't have gave a second look in a club - I'll be honest. However, when I resulted in being their girlfriend it's purely because the way they carried themselves to me and their personality which made me see past just how 'plain' they are and want to be with them.
Personally, anyone I've been with it's been because of their personality and how it complimented us as a couple. If they looked gorgeous - well it's an added bonus.
Personally Jomery from your previous posts/threads the lifestyle you live although it's very opulent and glamourous it reminds me very much of the novel American Psycho. (With less fantasies of gore et all) :razz:
Everyone is out for themselves, not forming relationships with substance and everyone around you is as vapid and lacking real personality. It all boils down to greed, unecessary greed. You're not really grateful for the small things and that's what makes you really unattractive to the boards. You point blank refuse to go and live a simpler life per se probably because you feel as though ludicrous expectations are wanted from you and you are so reliant on this ridiculous validation.
I think your self destructive button's always halfway pushed down, and you are going to lead an incredibly boring life. Sure you'll have money, but I don't think there'll be anything lasting socially from your success.
I actually feel sorry for you that you admitted that because you are SO similar to him. You have these ridiculous requirements and standards of life for some crazy reason. People on the internet are unable to work this out for you but they can tell you that the life you have doesn't appear to be fulfilling no matter how much you spend on the frills.
You need sorting, put your money to good use and get a good shrink. You are an intelligent bloke, you just have very little common sense socially.
Based on these comments I'd be willing to bet a large amout of money that you would not want to associate the primary demographic of thesite.org users.
So why the fuck do our opinions matter to you?
I know you don't feel sorry for yourself. I feel sorry for you. Everything you wrote there worries me for you in the 'grand scheme' of things but ultimately you are born without money and you'll go without money. I'm not denying your income isn't fortunate but it's already eating away at you if you feel the need to come away onto the internet to vent about everything.
I think you're lonely but just don't want to admit it because a 'high flyer' like yourself will be put in a vulnerable position and because socially you've not let yourself into that scenario the thought of the 'unknown' scares you.
You admit you have peers but can you honestly name 2 people at the most outside your immediate family who would jump infront of a bullet to save your life? Hugely hypothetical, but you see where I'm coming from.
I don't think you do - given what you're saying - because I don't think you've let anyone close enough in, and THAT regardless of your personal trainer, Stepford Wives/Patrick Bateman lifestyle is what makes me - someone who has only 2p to her name - feel sorry for you.
Meantime, I have little problem with people's appearance. I don't happen to be anything special looks-wise, but that's never been an issue. I'd befriend just about anyone regardless of appearance. However, if you're looking for someone who you'd like to be more than a friend, attractiveness certainly comes into it.
I would like to talk about pubs if i may:crazyeyes
The great thing about pubs is that it can bring up all sorts of topics so sooner or later both the middle class graduate and the working class bricklayer can find some common ground, now this may not last long enough to build up a lasting friendship, although it may just enable each other to see the other in a new light.
Every man should be an equal in the pub and not look down on one another, for the outcome remains the same whatever class you fall in. You get shitfaced hard enough and you will end up in that gutter!
If they were nice and friendly why not? If they were total wankers who needed showing where the door is then obviously not. I don't see your point.
But on topic, I do think that there are quite a few people out there with a similar mindset to you - the only difference is that you're open about it while others do it in a snide, snobbish way and don't give anyone who they don't consider to be their equal the time of day. It's to do with ego a lot of the time, if you're told all the time that you're gorgeous and amazing then at some point it's going to go to your head and you're going to end up like that Hilton thing. Or it could go the other way, you might get no compliments or friendliness at all and end up bitter and blaming everybody else for being not up to scratch.
In answer to your question, I'd never exclude somebody for the sole reason that they weren't stereotypically attractive. Most people are friendly with people they have things in common with - my closest friends are people who like a drink and a dance at the weekend when I've got money, aged between 17 and 25 and who get me and my sense of humour. I'd never ignore anybody or not give them the time of day, but there's certain groups of people I've just got nothing in common with so they aren't in my social circle e.g somebody really quiet who doesn't like loud bars/clubs, or a fat builder called Barry who lives with his Mum and wolf whistles at the first sign of boobs in the street.
Have a think about what you're doing with yourself, Jomery.
I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.
Two of my weight training buddies are Muslim. Do you believe that a Muslim and an Athiest cannot be friends or something?
Ofcourse, being an ugly working class builder means I'm a bigot by default doesnt it?
Yes and plenty do.
That's a bit pointless.
Dump her.
Do you even know who you are ? I don't mean on paper, I mean in your heart, can you be honest and say what YOU like to do, not what your friends and peers tell you is acceptable ? If someone took all your money and access to posh clubs away what would you have left thats important to you ?
When you are in your old age, do you really want to look back and think what could have been if you hadn't been so restricted to new experiences ? Yes you will more than likely have the nice house, nice car, yatch and a villa somewhere warm but possesions arent everything. You can be financially wealthy but still be the poorest person around because its the personal side of your life that will be empty not your bank account.
Personally I will mix with anyone providing that I get on with them and that we have something in common, that could be that we like the same band, holiday in the same place etc. I try to be open to new experiences, that could be dining with the MD of the company I work or going to a student night with some people from work. Like my wise grandma used to say, your less likely to regret something that you have done than regret that you didn't give it a try.
:eek2:
I don't care what my friends look like. To me they're just friends and nothing more. (says me who has probably fancied at least a quarter of my friends)
Ditto
Most people for relationships look deeper than the looks as well. Yes looks play some role in every relationship, because if we aren't attracted physically we won't be sexually either and one or the other party will eventually stray. But a relationship is built on how well 2 people get on, not whether they look the part together.
Take me for example. I'm a gradate software engineer going out with a retail team leader. In your world that would not be acceptable. But why not? Can you give me valid reasons why, if 2 people are attracted to each other, get on well and so on, should peer pressure mean they can't be in a relationship together?
I feel sorry for you with your so called values that you believe in. Your last post showed you were lonely and wanting someone to share life with, yet your values cut out probably over 90% of the population to begin with. How do you expect to find the right person for you when you'll only look at such a small percentage of people?
I do get the comments "Oh so and so pulled a 'minger' the other night", BUT pulling is very different to getting a gf. You don't find gf's in clubs or very rarely anyway. So yes peoples expectations from a pull are much much higher and people do comment, take the piss etc. It happens between me and my friends as well, but it's only meant as a joke and tormenting the person rather than being serious with us.
As others have said though. If your friends don't support you in decisions in life, they won't be there to help you through the hard times etc then they aren't really friends at all and you need to move out of the shallow world you live in and find some real friends who will support you and give the level of friendship you require. Don't ever underestimate the value of true friends and people that you can be close to and share problems etc.
yes I absolutely care about my reputation, and I do get Jomery's point that having people admire your partner/friends can make you happy in itself. I don't object to that, but I do object to the notion that that is all that can make you happy, because its simply not the basis for a real, meaningful relationship.
I'll put my hands in the air and say that it relationships I have a shallow side - I might be incredibly close friends with someone average/ugly, but I wouldn't go out with them because for me the physical spark just wouldn't be there. With friends, looks don't matter, you can't choose who you bond with. Yes, with people from your "set" you might well have more in common, but if you approach life with an open mind you never know what will happen. Some of the most amazing people in my life so far have been so unlikely but those are the ones who teach you most.
Similarly I'd never rule out a relationship with someone ugly, just like I'd never rule out a relationship with someone stupid, but I don't see it happening because I wouldn't connect with the first physically or the second mentally. The point is Jomery that if you're going to stand up and admit that it's got to be because it makes you happy, not just because you're trying to please everyone around you.
I'm sorry if I'm sounding really shallow because looks are obviously just one of many things one looks for in a partner. And yes, it's nice if they bolster your reputation, just like I enjoyed walking into a drinks party with my guy last night and having everyone turn to look at us. But really, no matter who you are with, friends or partners, if you can have confidence in a real, meaningful relationship, that's worth all the good looks in the world.
I actually really feel sorry for Jomery, and its no wonder he has trouble establishing social relationships if he has that attitude to life. I don't have any trouble paying my bills either, but I work in an area of law which benefits those who have nothing, and I get so much more job satisfaction than I would working for Fucknob and Shitface plc. The best thing about my job is that I speak to so many people who are "bricklayers with no A'Levels", and, put it this way, I'd rather speak to them than half the stuck-up cunts who are my alleged social peers from Durham uni.
You can't fancy someone you don't find attractive, but if you walk around only finding supermodels attractive then you've got a rather warped view of reality.
:yes:
Yep :yes:
agreed:yes: