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He thinks I’m being insecure? am I?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. He's the father of 2 boys (10 & 12 years old) and I have an 11 year old daughter. We don't live together. To make a long story short:
We have the kids every other weekend, and on those weekends his ex-girlfriend's (not the mother of his boys) son is with us. He's always in communication with this ex, mainly because of the fact her son is with us or my boyfriend a lot (she has a 11 yr daughter as well). My boyfriend claims that her boy and his boys are really good friends. He even picks her son up from practices at times and takes care of him when she needs a sitter (mind you, apparently she has a man). I feel there's more going on here, like he wants to keep ties with her and still has feelings for her. It's just bizarre.
He keeps ties with all of his ex-girlfriends. Supposedly they remain friends.
Another incident: he lent a different ex a few hundred dollars (she also has boyfriend). On 28/5 he gets a text from another ex which read "Happy holidays, always on my mind, your friend- xyz", and she's married.
We also take care of his ex's (the mother of his sons) 2yr old son (from a different man) when she needs a sitter.
He's very good to me, but it seems he cannot let go of old ties. There has to be boundaries, but obviously he doesn't have any. I have discussed my concerns with him and he brushes them off as being my problem, that I need to get over it, that i am insecure, and that it's perfectly normal to remain friends with your exs.
I totally question the intentions of these relationships he's maintaining. Are they friends with benefits, or just friends? I'm trying to be patient and open minded, but I question whether I have jealousy issues or if my concerns are valid and his relationships with his exs are a little bizarre.
We have the kids every other weekend, and on those weekends his ex-girlfriend's (not the mother of his boys) son is with us. He's always in communication with this ex, mainly because of the fact her son is with us or my boyfriend a lot (she has a 11 yr daughter as well). My boyfriend claims that her boy and his boys are really good friends. He even picks her son up from practices at times and takes care of him when she needs a sitter (mind you, apparently she has a man). I feel there's more going on here, like he wants to keep ties with her and still has feelings for her. It's just bizarre.
He keeps ties with all of his ex-girlfriends. Supposedly they remain friends.
Another incident: he lent a different ex a few hundred dollars (she also has boyfriend). On 28/5 he gets a text from another ex which read "Happy holidays, always on my mind, your friend- xyz", and she's married.
We also take care of his ex's (the mother of his sons) 2yr old son (from a different man) when she needs a sitter.
He's very good to me, but it seems he cannot let go of old ties. There has to be boundaries, but obviously he doesn't have any. I have discussed my concerns with him and he brushes them off as being my problem, that I need to get over it, that i am insecure, and that it's perfectly normal to remain friends with your exs.
I totally question the intentions of these relationships he's maintaining. Are they friends with benefits, or just friends? I'm trying to be patient and open minded, but I question whether I have jealousy issues or if my concerns are valid and his relationships with his exs are a little bizarre.
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Comments
Is that correct or have i misunderstood?
Anyhow, it sounds like the connection with his exes is more to do with the kids, babysitting, picking up from clubs they go to etc, and keeping his kids in touch with their old friends, and him not vanishing out of the lives of his exes kids.
To me that doesn't sound unreasonable, he comes across as a nice guy who cares about people and has the maturity to be able to keep in touch with people even after things haven't worked out.
If you are expecting him to cut all ties with any previous partners, especially when there are other connections like kids, I personally think you are asking a bit much.
He sounds like a decent guy with innocent intentions. He wants to spend time with his children and either way it will always involve contact with his ex's.
I think you are being a little insecure about the situation but i don't blame you for that, but if you want to stay with this fella long term then you will have to overcome that jealousy.
Have you ever met these women?
Anyhow, I agree with this:
Any better?
He cares about the children he fathered and supports them, he cares about the children with whose mother he had a relationship and still helps them out?
Most women would kill for a man who took responsibility seriously.
Do you have anything else which suggests that his relationship with either women isn't just about the kids they have shared?
:yes:
So he's in contact with them. What suggests that it isn't just because they are friendly? Why does it have to be sexual?
My thoughts exactly. Do you have a problem with him being friends with members of the opposite sex or something?
You seem to have a problem with his history and you do come across as being a little insecure about how he feels about you - almost as if you are comparing yourself with them.
Fact is that he is with you, in a "proper" relationship with you and not them. I'd say that it speaks volumes in itself.
basically I think you need to accept that he's being the good guy and ask yourself whether you can cope with that. I know I couldn't - but most people could.