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Messed up sleeping
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need some advice really, but not for me directly. I don't know what to do. My mum suffers from depression, and is on anti depressants and also sleeping tablets.
But her sleeping cycle is strange. I think she sleeps most of the time (15+hours a day) but my sister insists she's not sleeping but merely resting, thats why shes tired because she can't get proper sleep.
Last night she slept, she wakes up at 8am to take my sister to work, comes home and has slept until now. She's still asleep now, in a proper deep sleep. I made her some lunch about 1pm but she didn't even touch it. Same with cups of teas. Normally she's very sleepy, will sleep in til about 2, but I honestly haven't seen her awake at all today. At times I've been worried she'd done something silly with her sleeping pills, but she's just sleeping, still ok.
Get a bit fed up if I'm honest, a fair portion of the houses chores are left to me when it's not really my mess. My sister insists she's the saint of the house and we're (my brothers) are lazy dossers, but I think she may have an inflated opinion of herself. She hasn't mastered tidying the kitchen after she makes food, for example. (after she made a fry up the other night I cleaned up the kitchen). She's only 16 though and shouldn't have to do everything.
So it's a bit strange with my mum. On the one hand obviously there are issues medically with depression and insomnia, but on the other there should be practical responsibilities. If it was a one off I could say 'ok', but it's not at all. Bringing the subject up is a very sensitive matter as she takes it as a personal insult - that you're saying she's lazy. Rather than being productive she often ends up just throwing insults back. Understandable, but it does contribute to a bad atmosphere in the house.
I've tried encouraging her to go to clubs, or get a job, but she sees all of it as a bit patronising and insulting. But surely spending your life sleeping, broken with heavy smoker's cough, is not much of a life at all?
What would you do in my shoes?
But her sleeping cycle is strange. I think she sleeps most of the time (15+hours a day) but my sister insists she's not sleeping but merely resting, thats why shes tired because she can't get proper sleep.
Last night she slept, she wakes up at 8am to take my sister to work, comes home and has slept until now. She's still asleep now, in a proper deep sleep. I made her some lunch about 1pm but she didn't even touch it. Same with cups of teas. Normally she's very sleepy, will sleep in til about 2, but I honestly haven't seen her awake at all today. At times I've been worried she'd done something silly with her sleeping pills, but she's just sleeping, still ok.
Get a bit fed up if I'm honest, a fair portion of the houses chores are left to me when it's not really my mess. My sister insists she's the saint of the house and we're (my brothers) are lazy dossers, but I think she may have an inflated opinion of herself. She hasn't mastered tidying the kitchen after she makes food, for example. (after she made a fry up the other night I cleaned up the kitchen). She's only 16 though and shouldn't have to do everything.
So it's a bit strange with my mum. On the one hand obviously there are issues medically with depression and insomnia, but on the other there should be practical responsibilities. If it was a one off I could say 'ok', but it's not at all. Bringing the subject up is a very sensitive matter as she takes it as a personal insult - that you're saying she's lazy. Rather than being productive she often ends up just throwing insults back. Understandable, but it does contribute to a bad atmosphere in the house.
I've tried encouraging her to go to clubs, or get a job, but she sees all of it as a bit patronising and insulting. But surely spending your life sleeping, broken with heavy smoker's cough, is not much of a life at all?
What would you do in my shoes?
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Comments
It sounds like the situation with your Mum is starting to take its toll - not only causing you emotional worry, but also stress with all the extra responsibility. It actually sounds like you and your sister are becoming carers in a way and there are things you can do to relieve the stress of this - that are outlined in this article. It sounds like you are being really understanding with your sister - have you talked about the situation you have both found yourself in? Perhaps acknowledging and maybe even talking about what you are both going through, if you haven't already, might help?
You're probably aware that sleeping too much is pretty common for people who are depressed and I guess it's a hard cycle to break out of - especially if as you say, your mum doesn't respond very well to your suggestions.
The Mind website has an article about what friends and relatives can do to help people who are depressed. You might also want to ring Mind's info line: 0845 766 0163
I hope some of this helps - but take good care of yourself and remember you can only do your best.
she might not have the motivation to do anything by herself and escapes life and all her responsibilities through sleeping and avoiding them. its hard to help someone esp. if they don't want to be helped but don't just tell her to do stuff/argue... physically take her out and force her to do something and keep on doing it. get her talking to people and increasing her social circle. i know that probably seems like mission impossible but just try it and see if it helps. if she doesn't want your help... she'll no doubt make you blatantly aware of it... but tyr it and see where it gets you.
It is hard because it gets you down to the extent you can't be bothered doing anything anyway, even though staying in and doing nothing makes you feel worse sometimes because you feel you have nothing to look forward to or no enjoyment in life.
Unfortunately there's not much anyone else can say or do to help as you know yourself it tends to be taken personally most of the time, only your mum can help herself.
Has your mum tried councilling or was she put straight onto anti-depressants? I know sometimes GP's tend to be reluctant to find the route of the problem and just fob you off with pills instead. (In my experience)
Hope it goes okay
It's just the complete lack of energy day to day she has that concerns me. She's had counselling before but wasn't chuffed about it. A lot of bad memories in her past I think she wants to forget. With her mum dying, then my dad, then grandad, and her sister being diagnosed with motor neurone disease, and my brother attempting to take his own life several times, my sister going off the rails completely (back on now though), and on top various other deaths around the family - it's just been a depressing time fora ll of us. (Oh and the cat died - that was surrisingly difficult to deal with
Just think she needs a bit more 'spirit' if you know what I mean, but the past few days she's picked up. Less arsey with me, doing more really, better sense of humour about everything. Not sure how long it will last though. Just had a bit of annoyance because after making dinner my sister snatched some of it off my plate and then my brother was moaning about me having something. I made it though.