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i knew this would happen
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i got dumped because i am making him depressed because i keep getting upset about the sexual harassment at college, he strung me along with the 'i dont know' so i left and SH'd and im upset and he told me on the phone. My mum is sleeping on the floor in my room because she doesnt want to leave me alone. We were together seven months and I trusted him. We were intimate last night and this morning.
I was upset this afternoon because of a comment on his myspace from my friend and his friend that said about the cinema they are planning to go to:
- i saw 28 weeks later, and Fracture. ok well you pick a day/time, and im all yours!!
hehe xx -
when he said do you want to go? when i was upset at his i then said 'you're chucking me out because im upset about being sexually harassed at college?' and he said yes.
I was upset this afternoon because of a comment on his myspace from my friend and his friend that said about the cinema they are planning to go to:
- i saw 28 weeks later, and Fracture. ok well you pick a day/time, and im all yours!!
hehe xx -when he said do you want to go? when i was upset at his i then said 'you're chucking me out because im upset about being sexually harassed at college?' and he said yes.
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What a wanker though, he should be supporting you through this, not dumping you.
You've got a couple of twats in your life. This means nothing about YOU. Just do what you can to get rid of them and go on. If that one dumped you for that reason it's his loss, not yours.
Take care
x
You know where I am, if you need to get stuff off your chest or even if it's just for a laugh about how you got lost on the London Underground, ok? xx
Best you know his true colours so you can focus on someone worthwhile. I'm sorry it had to happen like this, because you don't at all appear to deserve it but if you do want a gab, PM me.
x
And whatever you do, don't get intimate with him again. Not whilst all this is going on. It'll do none of you any favours.
This feels like a familiar situation to me, and I think any break up is made a helluva lot worse when it comes out of nowhere and you've been doing all the love-talk and being intimate just beforehand. He's a scumbag for doing those things in full-knowledge that he was contemplating a break-up. Use that scumminess as fuel for your healing process, if it helps. If not, remember that I'm sure his feelings for you are still there and he found it hard to resist being in "normal" relationship mode despite his thoughts. It doesn't make it right but it's a bit more understanable. I know that all those things happening just before the axe falls makes everything in the relationship seem false somehow, and makes you feel blindsided. It really hurts, you're going to be ok.
I think he's a selfish pig for doing that to you, but that's by-the-by.
With regard to the reasons he gave you, well unfortunately you can't change the way anyone else feels or how much they're able to cope with and support their partner - only they can do that. So if he decides he doesn't want to/can't go on with the relationship for whatever reason, then that really is it. It's so much easier said than done but I know from experience that the best thing is to accept it and walk away with your head held high because you definitely know (or should know) that it wasn't anything YOU did wrong. OK, I know you probably feel like you've done wrong at this point, and your head is flooded by the fact that he's always been a lovely guy. But not quite lovely enough, really. It's very early days in a breakup, I'm pretty sure this won't be the last you'll hear from him unless you decide you'd prefer it that way.
Remember that this isn't the end of the world. You may feel that way but, trust me, it isn't and despite what you think you are strong enough to deal with this. You more than likely feel he's special and everything was so good... and that there's just a mental barrier he needs to get through... or that you just need to not rely on him so much. But, sweetheart, his actions speak way louder than his words, and relationships hinge on being able to lean on one another for the most trivial and most serious of things. The bottom line seems to be that he's not able to do that. I doubt you take much comfort in the fact that it's better happening at 7 months than at the 3 year mark, but it is.
Dont put yourself through more confusion, try not to dissect it (this is impossible, I know!) and try not to read between the lines of what has happened in the past because you may be vastly misinterpreting things.
I - and so many others - know that this period is utter misery. I truly feel for you. But when put in this position you HAVE to move forward. I know you don't want to, it seems so fresh and bewildering and upsetting and infuriating. But you have to begin to think about yourself immediately, and your own feelings... and do what is absolutely the best thing for you from the word go. Having your mum around you is a wonderful asset, make no mistake. Lean on her, lean on your friends, lean on the people who post here. We WILL all help you make sense of this and get over this but please take into account the fact that you have to be your own nurse. Some of the best post-break-up "medicine" tastes really fucking awful - not contacting him, being strong, NOT self-harming... they're all bitter pills to swallow. But you have to dose yourself because that's how you'll feel better. I know you have very strong feelings for him, but ultimately you can't force him to be who you want him to be or to be a better boyfriend or make him behave differently. You have to be in control of how his behaviour makes you feel. To be honest with you it makes me feel like smashing his teeth in but maybe you're a bit more of a pacifist in these situations
Stay out of contact with him. Make a promise to yourself to get some space between you and leave him alone to be who he wants to be. It's his loss, you'll recognise that one day. The rest will take care of itself. He'll either see that he loves you and he wants to be with you, or he doesn't. If it's the former then you're in a grand old position to tell him to stick it. You'll be ok. You may feel terrible right now, but it will get easier. This is how it is, unfortunately. Again, you will be ok.
We're all here for you, I hope you're being kind to yourself
It won't seem like it now, but you got by before he came along and I promise you'll be so much stronger and be happy after him. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, but as I've said it won't seem like it now. Door is always open if you need another outlet or that, flower.
thinking of you
virtual hugs
x
Keep taking advice, keep your mum close and remember to take care of you. It will hurt so much now, but you need to remember to keep focussed and looking after yourself.
i have two drugs i've just taken zopiclone and clonazepam, one is a tranquiliser and the other is to help me sleep, just waiting for them to kick in before i go to bed and i have elastic bands on my wrist so it should be okay even if i do feel stupid
I took zopiclone for a while, and it is amazing. You'll be sleeping in no time whatsoever.
If you ever need to chat, just PM or whatever.
Sleep well, sweetie