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C: Do you have any beanie babies?
M: There aren't any out, I'll just see if any are waiting to go onto the shop floor.
....
M: No, sorry, we don't have any at all.
C: When will you be getting some in?
C: Do you have any size 14, black trousers?
M: Let me check the rail.
....
M: It doesn't seem like we do; there might be some waiting to be priced, bear with me.
...
M: I'm afraid we don't, no.
C: Don't you have any in the back?
M: I don't know, the clothes out there haven't been sorted.
C: Will you go and check?
[I explain the situation and sheer mountain of clothes that need sorting]
C: So they are being sorted? So if there are any, they'll be out there?
M: Yes, but they aren't accessible.
[Cue long, circular discussion]
In the end I showed her the back room full of bin liners of clothes. She shut up.
C: Packet of peanuts please
M : £1 please
C: *holds out card*
M: sorry we don't take cards under £5
C: WHAT?! *outraged*
M: actually a lot of bars have this rule *under breath* its to stop idiots like you trying to pay for a packet of peanuts with their card
Customer, umming and ahhing, spends about 5 minutes adding stuff she doesn't really want to take it up to £5. Finally I take her card. It has a mans name on it and she has boobs. Check with manager that I am right to decline card on the basis that it clearly doesn't belong to her. Walk over to explain that she can't use it but notice that she is increadibly manly. Oh god what if it IS her card?! Not sure what to say, finally I venture "who's card is this?". She answers its her fiancees. A likely story since her and her lesbox friend have been all over each other all night. By this time I am laughing my tits off and tell her she can't use it. She says ok thats fine she'll just go borrow some money off her friend to pay for the stuff :eek2: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE FOR THE £1 BAG OF PEANUTS YOU FOOL!?
When I worked in a call centre people used to struggle with the concept of 'temporarily out of stock' and 'permanently out of stock'. "So, when will you be getting more in?" was the standard follow up to both statements. They also struggled to understand that all the charity magazines that had the same fucking products were run by the same fucking company and so if they were out of stock with one charity then they were going to be out of stock with another. I could talk to the same people three times in the space of 10 minutes and strangely enough the product was out of stock with all fucking three charity mags.
Don't most shops have this rule as well?
:no:
The £5 limit only really applies to small pubs and shops. Tesco's and pub chains will let you pay on debit/credit card for any amount.
There is a new system due to start in London this autumn. Whereby if your bill is less than £10 you can just touch your debit/credit card over a sensor (bit like the Oyster system) and it will debit your card without the need for a signature or pin number. This system will roll out around the UK at the end of the year I believe.
:thumb:
Some favourites we get on a daily basis:
"What's the difference between the Six-inch and the Footlong?"
"How big's the Footlong?"
"Which bread would you like?"
"I'm not fussed, just give me any"
"How about Italian Herbs and Cheese?"
"But I don't like cheese!"
Can I have the Chicken and Bacon without the bacon??
"Would you like that toasted?"
"What do you mean?"
(we seriously get asked this a lot)
"Which salads would you like?"
"Salad"
"A bit of everything then?"
"No, just salad"
or
"I'll have everything please"
then when we start putting everything on...
"er, I didn't want any of those"
There are plenty more, but half of them are only funny to those who have ever worked in Subway and also the list is rather a long one!
Ah getting to grips with the finer details of a up/down gearstick
I'm joking of course. Having seen how many bells and whistles are in the cockpit I wouldn't have a clue.
There's bells and whistles in a vagina ?
Or thinking, 'Ooooo, nice tits'
That still doesn't make the customers any less stupid.
can't remember any funny comments at the moment tho
Member of public:Are you going to put a parking ticket on that car?
Me:No, i'm not a traffic warden
MOP:So, are they going to get a ticket?
me:No, like I said i'm not a traffic warden, I don't issue parking tickets
MOP:So, why don't you ask them to move
Me:Because I'm not a fucking warden, FUCK OFF.
Or at road blocks, where I've deliberately put my van across 2 lanes of road
MOP:What's happened?
Me:Accident
MOP:Can i get through?
Me:No, road's blocked
MOP:Tries to drive around anyway
Me:THE ROAD IS FUCKING BLOCKED
MOP:Sorry, I didnt realise
Then you get the people whining at you about how late they're going to be, despite being told that there are 3 cars worth of debris and carnage all over the road.
We are being serious and no they're not idiots, they're called the general public
in all fairness though, the amount of times i've gone to a till only to be told "sorry, i'm not serving now, i'm just waiting to cash up" is unreal......
or "can you use the other till please"
anyhoo, to the OP
Customer: 10 Lambert Please
Me: You got any ID?
Customer: Me?
Me: Yes, do you have any?
Customer: I need ID?
well, yes, or I wouldnt have asked
Customer: Can I have 2 Lucky Dips?
Me: There U go....*hand over lucky dips*
Customer: I wanted them seperate
Being Psychic ISN'T in my job description
Customer: Are these bottles of coke 2 for £1.20
Yes, hence there being a big massive sign saying so right in front of them
me : yeh, probably, what size are you
customer : i don't know.
well how am i supposed to know if you don't?
haha, i love the "do you work here" line.
i've had it when i've been stood at the top of a ladder with a pile of clothes over my arm
Moron: "I want to rent a car."
Me: "OK, any ideas where or when you want to rent?"
Moron: "No."
duhhhh
Highlights:
- a man who did not know his date of birth. We thought it was a fraudster trying his luck, but after further checks it emerged that he was actually just an utter dunce.
- a woman who refused to answer any security questions, screamed, 'NOSY BITCH!' at me and slammed down the phone.
- Could I take your card number please?
Is that the long number on my card?
:yes:
- a man who did not accept that when he used his credit card to pay for things, he would have to pay the money back, and insisted that his bank manager had given him it as a gift. :thumb:
Happy times.
They've just tried to tell us we can't have any of the information we've asked for until tomorrow because so and so isn't in today.
It's a shame we can see him sitting in his office every time we walk down the corridoor.....
If you're going to lie, at least make it convincing!
Errrrm.....the cheese and salsa maybe?
Also, this wasn't my customer, but when I was in Borders, I did hear this guy ask for an exchange on his book on Dinosaurs. As usual, the checkout guy (really cute) asked: "Was there anything wrong with it?".
The guy said "Oh, its all drawings of dinosaurs, I wanted photographs".
Me and the checkout guy both looked at each other and tried not to laugh.I kind of felt bad...didn't know wether to explain that cameras werent invented at the dawn of time or just leave him..
Why do blokes think it is so hilarious to say: "can I have a carling, darling?" :mad: :rolleyes: ..as if they are the only person to have ever been original enough to think of it.
"Keep the change luv"..and it's a 2p piece.
Moaning about the price of drinks. It's not as though I set them myself.
"Are the meatballs vegetarian?"
"No, I'm afraid they aren't"
"Well why not?"
Er, because of the tiny little fact that they are MEATballs. I'm even a vegetarian myself and this annoyed the hell out of me!
There was an accident down my road yesterday and some woman tried to get past the police car blocking the road. She got a nice big blast from the (very pissed off looking) police woman's horn. I lol-ed ;d.