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he doesnt want to have sex :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
firstly, i'm new to thesite so hello to everyone :)

and now my problem...
Me and my bf have been together for 10months now and if was great at first and it still is and we didnt start having sex until about 3months in, mainly because 1) a was a virgin before and 2) because it took us a while as I was too tight for us to actually do it and so we spent a lot of time trying.

Another thing is we dont really get a chance to do it so much as we dont get a free house that much and so when we do, we've always made the most of it :blush:

however, i havent climaxed (through sex) with him and i think this has been annoying him and we havent done it since January even tho there have been quite a few opportunities :( . I've tried talking to him about it and he keeps coming up with different excuses each time...'i'm disappointed in myself'...'i feel like i'm hurting you' and then the latest one...'i'm tired'.

So after talking to my friends about it i've decided to relieve the pressure of having to have sex and talked to him about making this a non-sexual relationship for a month or so and his response was, 'ok. can we not talk about it for a while now?'

I'm really worried that its going to get in between us :crying: and it is upsetting me.

Its not so much that i miss sex, but i miss the intimacy and the idea of him 'wanting' me.

I dont know what to do anymore...help?!

Sorry that my first post isnt less problematic.

xxxx

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey.
    I'm new too so sorry if my advice is crap. But here goes...

    I understand you are probably upset but you obviously still love each other and provided you have that you WILL work it out. Of course he'll still want you in both ways if he's still with you. I know you want to talk it through but it will just make him feel even more uncomfortable. But maybe after a week or so talk about it - without implying you want sex soon.

    Try not to stress about it because that will just more pressure on the sexual aspects of your relationship and makes it even harder to enjoy yourselves. Your bf will be really nervous and self conscious about wanting to pleasure you. As you know one of the most important part of any relationship is caring for each other and right now he'll be really anxious about why he can't fulfil his role. That's why he may seem angry so (although you're anxious too) try to go easy on him and not mention it for a little while.

    I suggest you do have a month or so 'off' so you aren't trying to force it; as you're both worried you'll only make your enjoyment less likely. Spend time together again without the sex like you did 3 months ago and just enjoy each others company. Gradually those alone moments will come back and you'll both not be able to keep your hands off each other ;) But even then maybe just go as far as foreplay and other things and reintroduce the idea of sex over time.

    This way you both build the sexual confidence; particulalry the pressure you must be feeling because you were a virgin.

    Although I've said you should not mention it for a while it is important to talk about it BEFORE you decide to have sex again otherwise you won't get rid of your demons.

    Take it slow and it should all work out. Hope this helps even in the slightest :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    firstly, i'm new to thesite so hello to everyone :)

    Me and my bf have been together for 10months now and if was great at first and it still is and we didnt start having sex until about 3months in, mainly because 1) a was a virgin before and 2) because it took us a while as I was too tight for us to actually do it and so we spent a lot of time trying.

    Hey, i have the same pronb with my gf - she seems tight, i finger her good etc before hand and she seems to really love it, but I cant get it in.

    I have overweight, she says to cuz I too heavy, I think even tho i overweight they no reason why it cant work if she wants to sit on me, but i still cant get it in!

    How many did times did u have to try it before it worked?

    We only tried twice cuz i feel I letting her down & like u we very rare get place to ourselves.

    Any advice please. :crazyeyes
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cascara wrote: »
    Hope this helps even in the slightest :)

    it helps! thank you.
    However, i'm a worrier and i keep coming up with stupid silly things like, 'he's not attracted to me anymore', 'he might be turning gay' etc. But at least i still, for now, know that he loves me.
    I'm gonna try what you've said. Hopefully it'll all be fine. We're going away for a few night on holiday in July so hopefully something'll happen then but thats still 3 months away so there's time to work on it, right?

    and you WERE helpful!

    xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think we must've tried about 6/7 times. And when it finally happened, it was weird, cos we'd tried earlier that morning and it seemed impossible and then in the evening i was fine. Try with her on top, that worked for me- was easier that way.

    xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    there's time to work on it, right?

    Hell yeah. I mean if he doesn't still want you he wouldn't be committed to going away with you.

    See how things go and don't try to force it too quickly. If you need any more advice just give this place a post. people seem really helpful.

    Good luck and have fun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well it assuiring for me to know that it took ulot a while too. I wont push it but hopefully we gf will wanna try again some day. Its hard for me to get it in as I cant see what i am doing cuz her pussy ant rasied so it hard to get low enough with my tummy in the way.

    But there no reason while her on top cant work, but she has trouble guiding me in!

    Any more ideas?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    'he might be turning gay' etc.

    probably not.
    ... you're letting your own worries get to you.
    keep trying and keep communicating with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    otter wrote: »
    probably not.

    well i dont really think he is... It just seems VERY unusual as i thought most guys are really excited about sex and he just seems to not want it :(

    I'm going to give it time and let it lie for a bit. But i was wondering if any guys have ever been like this? Have you ever not wanted to have sex?

    xxxx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you ever not wanted to have sex?

    erm... men are not sex machines. just like women men may not always be in the mood.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well i dont really think he is... It just seems VERY unusual as i thought most guys are really excited about sex and he just seems to not want it :(

    I'm going to give it time and let it lie for a bit. But i was wondering if any guys have ever been like this? Have you ever not wanted to have sex?

    xxxx

    My partner sometimes goes through phases of not wanting sex and although it's frustrating we work through it together and we wait until he's out of that mood. We've been together 8 years in a fortnight :thumb:
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