Nosey or just care too much?

Former Member

I seem to have this problem with my mates (one in particular these days) where I don't get told their problems. Like, they can tell other people but clam up when I ask about it.

I will admit I'm a straightforward, no-nonsense person. I have a bit of a temper when it comes to people hurting other people (breakups etc) and I think that's one of the problems that people are scared I'll go off on one.

I honestly don't do this to be nosey. I just like to know what's going on so I can help out and be there for people but it just seems I'm not the kind of person people can tell their problems to

Former Member

Well, I am a mixed pot in that department, a few people would honestly confess to me that they were the backers in the JFK assassination and a few others would keep it as a secret when they picked up and kept a 1euro coin of a street when an old lady clearly just dropped it (and didn't notice).

Of course this trust often goes hand in hand with the quality with a friendship, because it's not cool if you want to be a honest friend to a person and this person just sees you as a everyday-mate to banter with.

Maybe you are confiding too less in people? I had this problem with one of my best mates. I said to him one night a few years ago when we were both drunk that I virtually know very little about him and he said, "well, that's probably because you never tell me anything, etc..."

Maybe it's a kind of security, a "pawn" to know something delicate about a person to feel better, because he knows something delicate about you, but on the other hand it might just be that it's really a weird feeling when someone knows you inside out and you know very little about that person.

Are you known to gossip secrets around? I did a few times this mistake of confiding in people again who talked my stuff around, but it's not happening anymore, if you can't shut up about it, I won't confide in you anymore.

In my teens I thought it was the ultimate power to know all the secrets about the hot girls and sometimes behaved really obtrusive/nosey about it, and well, you know it was counterproductive. Nowadays I know, there is a beauty in having a bad mood and someone who tries to cheer you up and not know every single detail of it (maybe just ask on the side), and I feel if you are behaving like that too to people and they open up to you on their OWN behalf, that's practically the jackpot.

So, can't give you a conclusion of this trainwreck of a post, but most of my thoughts about it are somewhere packaged in here.

Former Member

people relate better to different people thats probably all its about. its a personal thing. i'm assuming that if someone has got a problem they don't want to tell everyone. i mean, there are only a few people who i would open up to about my problems but that doesn't mean any of my other friends are less of friends because of that. why do you have to be the guy with a shoulder to cry on? at the end of the day, different people have different qualities.