Jordan from Switchboard will be here Wednesday and Thursday this week to answer your questions on anything to do with sexuality and relationships - leave your questions over on this thread
Head over to this thread to submit a song for our February 'Love' playlist that we'll be putting on Spotify!

things to make you laugh!!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
"If there's no chocolate in heaven, I'm not going."

"Every time I hear the word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate."

"Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself."

"My wild oats have turned into prunes and all bran."

"Forget health food. I'm at an age where I need all the preservatives I can get."

"Don't get lost in the shuffle. Shuffle along with the lost."

"I live in my own little world. But it's okay - they know me here."

"How can I miss you if you won't go away?"

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!"

"On the other hand ... you have different fingers."

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."

"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory."

"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines."

"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film."

"I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."

"Inside every older person there's a younger person wondering what the hell happened."

“At my age, getting ‘lucky’ means finding my car in the parking lot.”

“I’m not 50. I’m $49.95 plus tax.”

“Don’t let aging get you down … it’s too hard to get back up.”

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

“I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.”

“I finally got my head together … now my body is falling apart.”

“Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.”

“It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.”

“If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.”

“It’s not hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.”

“These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.”

“I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.”

“You have the right to remain silent . . . so please shut up.”

“If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.”

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lot of them aren't too funny. The last one is though :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok what about...


    “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”

    “You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.”

    “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.”

    “Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”

    “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.”

    Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

    Crime doesn't pay ... does that mean my job is a crime?

    Few women admit their age ... fewer men act it.

    For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

    Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

    Help! My Reality Check Bounced!

    Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C:

    House guarded by SHOTGUN 3 nights a week. You guess which 3.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    "Every time I hear the word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate."

    "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"

    "If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!"

    “I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.”

    “It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.”

    “If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.”

    “If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.”

    These ones made me smile specially the first and last ones
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ill post more soon!
Sign In or Register to comment.