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need some direction?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well I seem to be in a bit of a quandry at the moment (past couple years :p).

I'm doing a course that I don't really enjoy (as a means to an end), and am just finishing 2nd year. This leads me to have little motivation and not go to many lectures (plus miss some bits of coursework, this was also true for first year, and a fair bit of the work is cumulative; you have to understand first years stuff and build on it. This in turn leads me to feel dumb and completely shit, I used to have so much more confidence in my abilities when I was in school, now I feel like im the least intelligent person on my course cos everyone else seems to just get on with it (I know thats probably not true but it feels that way).

I also have an industrial placement to secure in the next month or two - I HATE interviews and stuff where I have to talk about myself, I get too preoccupied and keep thinking im coming across badly. I also think i'm not gona be clever enough to deal with it sometimes.

So, I've gota do pretty well in my exams to get a 2:1, and 2 of the modules I can't even begin to understand at this stage (I didnt go to more than 3 lectures for one of them), im sure if i got some books out or did a lot of research I could figure it out eventually but actually doing that scares me so I procrastinate even more (e.g. if I ended up not understanding it after ages .. I think I have a bit of an avoidant personality).

Occasionally i'll manage to pull through all the shit going on in my head and talk myself up out of it and feel better for about half an hour but for some reason I just subconsciously start thinking of all the things that can go wrong and make myself feel crap again lol :banghead:

The easy solution would be to start over and change course... but thats part of the problem, i have NO clue what I want to do, I really don't, I dont have direction in life apart from to have fun obviously. I wish I know why I was like this :( I keep thinking i'll have to join the army or something because I dont think i'll be useful in other places! (completely irrational I know). I have to watch stuff before I sleep every night because I don't wanta have to think about the situation, the weight is only off my shoulders when im with friends or concentrating properly on something. Starting again at a new uni is also another thing i find intimidating because im pretty shy, the stress of it all is OK and maybe exciting one time but doing it twice, im not sure!

Anyway, this is completely dragging me down, I want a time in my life where theres not something on my mind! :) I know I need to learn to take positive action about these kind of things before they get too bad but i've learnt a lot of bad habits about procrastinating and avoiding stuff, theyre so hard to unlearn..

Feels better to get that written down :D I guess there's not a lot of advice to give here but im glad its said. cheers if you do have any pearls of wisdom :cool: :D

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jesus christ, you've almost described my exact situation. just remember, you're not alone!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehe good to know someone is in the same boat, guess we can sink at the same time :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll 2nd (or 3rd or whatever number I am) that!! I decided to just make an appointment with one of my tutors and see what they have to say, so if there's anything interesting in there, I'll post it, lol! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    anything interesting then? :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not back until next week...and kind of dreading it to be honest, it's been a rocky year. I'm just waiting on him getting back to me with a time that suits, he's a very understanding guy so no doubt he'll have something productive to say! :)

    BTW for the other two people in this thread - I'd highly recommend speaking to one of your tutors or lecturers that you get on well with, as in my experience they are incredibly understanding when it comes to problems with motivation etc etc...!!
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