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Sexual obsession with...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all.
This is something that has been bothering me for years now. It's a big issue and I don't know where to begin describing it. I'll start with the basics.
I'm male and in my early 20s. I have never had a girlfriend, or even done anything like holding hands and kissing. In fact I've had little contact with the opposite sex since I was very little, not even as friends. This is NOT the problem I want to discuss, but it's very probably a cause of it. I said it only because it's important.
I'll move on to something that isn't the main issue, but related to it. While I'm very attracted to, and turned on by, breasts, I'm experiencing a complete aversion to the idea of sex. Not the idea of people having sex, more like me being one of them. I have never really wanted to even think about it, as I think of the female genitals as disgusting, and always did. Also that it seems difficult, in the sense of making it a good experience for both people involved.

Now that I've said the above, I'll get to the main issue: My obsession with breasts. It has existed since I was about 12 years old and only gotten worse since then. I have never touched any because I never had the chance and I'm not someone who would do it without permission. But I'm obsessed by everything about them. I spend hours online, searching for photos and videos of women wearing different styles of tops. From almost full coverage to nothing, with all ways to be revealing that I could find. Wearing bras or without. Even pictures that I think others wouldn't find particularly sexy, but I do just because they might show a bit of breast tissue. Pictures of women holding their breasts or them being touched by other people, videos of women moving around and the ways their breasts move with them. From any possible angle. And nothing can ever satisfy me.
It's not limited to the internet. I do this with people in real life as well. I guess I'm a "gawker", but I try not to because I don't want anyone to think bad of me. Especially with women that I know personally, I do my best not to. But I've found that watching something with my own eyes is better than the same thing if it would be in a photo or video, which I imagine is natural.
I have to say though that I'm not attracted to all breasts. I've seen ones that I don't like the size of, either because they're too small or too big, or that the nipples seem unattractive. This of course is mainly in photos and videos because in real life I don't get to see any unclothes.
This all is definitely more than a simple male attraction to breasts. Sometimes I stay awake late at night looking for photos and videos on the internet, and as a result the next day I'm half asleep or late for where I need to be. It takes up my time and as a result I do less of things I should be doing more. And after I've had a very long "session" after which I masturbate and temporarily "calm down", I just feel bad about myself because all I can do is look.
Sometimes I even wish I was a woman, not because I feel gay or any other reason but only for the purpose of having a pair of breasts that I could do anything I ever wanted with.
As I said earlier, this has begun since I was about 12. I remember at that age admitting to a friend that I wished I could see through the shirts of girls but not through their bottoms.

I don't feel like this could ever be solved. Even if I did have a girlfriend she wouldn't of course let me choose what she does with her breasts. Especially because of my aversion for sex that I described. And sometimes I feel that even if she did, I still would never be completely satisfied for some reason.
I can't imagine anything that would release me of this obsession. So I don't know what I'm asking for. But I do know I need help. And I don't think any kind of psychologist could help with it.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    undefined wrote: »
    I don't think any kind of psychologist could help with it.

    Go to one & see what they say. They might be able to help. You never know.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could Hypnotherapy be a route to look at? It's meant to be quite good for anxiety problems, helping to quit smoking and so on?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your an individual with individual tastes.
    why the fuck do you think you'r need to see a psychologist or other mental health professional. you like breasts, why is that a problem?
    so what if you don't want sex? - doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong with you. sexuality, likes, dislikes are personal things anyway. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want breasts to, to play with in the mirror. :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pringle and red88:
    Hypnotherapy is the only thing that I think may help, but this kind of thing is the last option for reasons I don't want to say.

    otter:
    You ask why I think it's a problem. I said it is a problem because it sometimes takes over time that I should be doing something else. And also because it makes me suffer and as I explained at the end I don't think this suffering would be easy to stop, maybe impossible.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    undefined wrote: »
    I don't think this suffering would be easy to stop, maybe impossible.

    why is it "suffering" ? :confused:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like I said it makes me suffer when after watching too much of it I realise I can only watch. And even if that wasn't all I think I would need more. I said this already.
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