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Can I Trust Him In Amsterdam

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Me and my boyfriend were havin problems for the last few months but we've talked things through and are slowly working through things and hopefully gona get things back on track...

However he's just told me he's going to amsterdam with 10 of his mates next month and im freakin out cos when his mates went last year they all slept with prostitutes, he's said he wont be doing it cos he doesnt need to pay for sex but i think when he's with the lads and there all doing it he might do it aswell, he has cheated on me in the past but swore he'd never do it again but this is just makin me so insecure..

Am i being unfair by not trusting him.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he's cheated before then it's understandable why you're worried, it'll be difficult but you've got to try as hard as you can to trust him.

    I also hope that the real reason he wont sleep with a hooker is because he wants to be faithful to you, and not just because he doesn't need to pay for sex.

    Maybe arrange a few nights out with girls while he's away? The key is keeping your mind off it :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe arrange a few nights out with girls while he's away? The key is keeping your mind off it


    thanks!!! your right, im after organising for me and my mate to go away the same wknd, so at least i wont be stressing about it all the time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be paranoid too.

    My boyfriends view on cheating (if i did to him) is that if im going to do it there isn't really anything he can do to stop it, it's going to happen, he would just have to accept it which is true but still imo it doesn't stop you worrying.

    Like suggested go out and keep your mind off it. You can still keep in touch can you not?

    The thing is, if you let him get away with it once before, he may feel like he can get away with it again, especially with it being in another country.

    You know him the best so you will know how he will be over there, but if there is no trust whatsoever then maybe you should take a look at the relationship and asses whether it's what you want.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok - the whole thing about this is to try forgetting about what he could be up to out there.

    Shit happens, and the rule is "what happens on tour, stays on tour".

    This may not be what you want to hear, but chances are he will indeed partake in some of that action... He may not, but if he does, you're unlikely to find out about it and so will be none the wiser.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Ok - the whole thing about this is to try forgetting about what he could be up to out there.

    Shit happens, and the rule is "what happens on tour, stays on tour".

    This may not be what you want to hear, but chances are he will indeed partake in some of that action... He may not, but if he does, you're unlikely to find out about it and so will be none the wiser.

    The thing is not all guys are complete wankers like that. However i said along the same lines of what you said because the guy already has cheated on her and imo he has no respect for her and will just do it again, especially at such an opportunity like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    The thing is not all guys are complete wankers like that. However i said along the same lines of what you said because the guy already has cheated on her and imo he has no respect for her and will just do it again, especially at such an opportunity like this.


    Hey, you'd be surprised what guys get up to that you girls don't hear about due to that very rule... Even the 'decent' ones.

    I don't actually bother with 'lads holidays' now, haven't for years, but some of the antics you see... Well...

    Just to add something to this - many people who go over there in groups of lads go there for two things: Getting stoned, and getting sexed up. Some of the women out there are, put simply, drop dead gorgeous and so resisting temptation is a tough thing. When the rest of your mates are up to that stuff, you tend to get drawn into it... I've been the once, but it wasn't on a lads trip, so I've seen what is on offer. Oh and I don't smoke either... I just got lashed instead, so it *is* possible, but I wouldn't have such a rose tinted view on it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Hey, you'd be surprised what guys get up to that you girls don't hear about due to that very rule... Even the 'decent' ones.

    I don't actually bother with 'lads holidays' now, haven't for years, but some of the antics you see... Well...

    I know, but not all are the same, i don't think my boyfriend is that sort, well i hope not.

    However i do agree to an extent, a guy i know who i thought was a faithful kinda guy shocked me when his bird went away somewhere and he cheated on her, he just said when the cats away, the mice do play. to which i thought was awful.

    There are some good guys out there though, i'm sure !!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    I know, but not all are the same, i don't think my boyfriend is that sort, well i hope not.

    However i do agree to an extent, a guy i know who i thought was a faithful kinda guy shocked me when his bird went away somewhere and he cheated on her, he just said when the cats away, the mice do play. to which i thought was awful.

    There are some good guys out there though, i'm sure !!

    Heh heh, there will be, just less than you would think.

    Either way, I believe the OP should just try not to think about it whilst he is gone and keep herself occupied.
  • BunnieBunnie TheSite's sweetie pie Posts: 6,099
    I think lack of trust is a big problem in a relationship, and you need to talk to him about it. If after you have, you still feel like you can't trust him then perhaps it is time to call it a day.
    Would it be any different do you think if he was going to Blackpool? Would you still feel so insecure? Or is it just the fact they have been before?
    Also, I have discovered over the years through my male friends, when they say they do things, they dont necessarily have to have happened. They just try to 'big themselves up'.
    But as others have said, just try to take your mind off it. Perhaps do something a bit different, rather than going out where all you see are people snuggling, and kissing etc. The cinema, or bowling that kind of thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bunnie wrote: »
    I think lack of trust is a big problem in a relationship, and you need to talk to him about it. If after you have, you still feel like you can't trust him then perhaps it is time to call it a day.
    Would it be any different do you think if he was going to Blackpool? Would you still feel so insecure? Or is it just the fact they have been before?
    Also, I have discovered over the years through my male friends, when they say they do things, they dont necessarily have to have happened. They just try to 'big themselves up'.
    But as others have said, just try to take your mind off it. Perhaps do something a bit different, rather than going out where all you see are people snuggling, and kissing etc. The cinema, or bowling that kind of thing.

    You know - this has got me thinking:

    Is going with a prostitute actually cheating...? Stay with me here...

    If you go out and meet somebody in a club/bar/wherever, that would definitely be classed as cheating... But if this is purely a 'business' arrangement, would it still be cheating? With no emotion involved, is this the case?

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - they always say you shouldn't mix business with pleasure! :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes its still cheatin!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    You know - this has got me thinking:

    Is going with a prostitute actually cheating...? Stay with me here...

    If you go out and meet somebody in a club/bar/wherever, that would definitely be classed as cheating... But if this is purely a 'business' arrangement, would it still be cheating? With no emotion involved, is this the case?

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - they always say you shouldn't mix business with pleasure! :lol:

    Yeah of course it is, it's having sexual contact with someone other than your girl.

    So if your GF came home from a holiday and said oh btw i shagged this guy, he was a prostitute though, you'd go oh that's alright love?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    So if your GF came home from a holiday and said oh btw i shagged this guy, he was a prostitute though, you'd go oh that's alright love?


    Now, Squealy - I didn't say that. I posed a question. Now to answer yours:

    To be honest, if my girlfriend *did* do something on holiday, I'd expect her to stick to the "what goes on tour, stays on tour" rule... Unless, of course, she's consumed with guilt, which most people tend to suffer from. The whole things is that if somebody obviously has this eating away at them, that's pretty much punishment enough and so should be the end of it. If they've done it once, and they know how bad they'll feel, it's doubtfull they'll do it again.

    To be honest, I've been cheated on before (and I have also cheated). Sure, it wasn't 100% nice when found out, but I just didn't think it was the big deal some people make it out to be. I'm not in the habit of cheating, don't get me wrong, but again, I just didn't think it was such a big deal either way.

    I know for a fact that I don't suffer from a guilty conscience...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I keep thinking of more to add:

    This whole not having a guilty conscience thing is one of the reasons I have been single for so long. At this stage in my life, there has only been one girl that I have 'dated' in the last 6.5 years that I didn't want to cheat on - but we were denied a proper chance (long story). The rest of them, I've just not been bothered about, and so thought it easier just to end it as I knew I would end up straying the first time somebody else caught my eye.

    I think that's quite fair enough on my part...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes and i answered the question, i said prostitute or not it is still having sexual contact with someone other than your OH so therefore is cheating imo. Or have a mis-understood the question?

    As for this on the road rule, it's gotta be bollox.

    Why be in a relationship if your gonna fuck about behind your partners back, you may as well be single where no one will get hurt.

    It's like your saying when your in a relationship, apart from when on holiday you have the right to cheat. Surely that isn't a relationship filled with trust, love and respect? If you had that you wouldn't want/need or even think about doing such a thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    Surely that isn't a relationship filled with trust, love and respect? If you had that you wouldn't want/need or even think about doing such a thing.

    To be fair, it sounds like he recognises that, so if he recognises he really likes a girl, he finishes with her first, almost to avoid cheating on her (because he knows he will), which is sort of more honest and responsible than some people are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    To be fair, it sounds like he recognises that, so if he recognises he really likes a girl, he finishes with her first, almost to avoid cheating on her (because he knows he will), which is sort of more honest and responsible than some people are.

    I just meant in general. I wasn't aiming that at G, i just meant those who do such things for example the OP's boyfriend. That is if you thought i was referring to G by that post :confused: i may just be confusing myself here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    I just meant in general. I wasn't aiming that at G, i just meant those who do such things for example the OP's boyfriend. That is if you thought i was referring to G by that post :confused: i may just be confusing myself here.

    Ha ha!! Yes...I did mean that I thought you were referring to G....I've obviously confused the issue a bit...sorry! Didn't realise you just meant in general...:thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    HanHan wrote: »
    Ha ha!! Yes...I did mean that I thought you were referring to G....I've obviously confused the issue a bit...sorry! Didn't realise you just meant in general...:thumb:

    :lol:

    All good fun...

    I'll get back to this after the gym.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why are you even questioning this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to say I agree with G, I'd like to give you encouraging words but the reality is that he is going to Amsterdam on holiday with his mates so yeah 'what goes on tour, stays on tour' does apply. Just like G said, even the most 'decent/dashing/charming/trustworthy' guys will do outrageous stuff.
    I went to Amsterdam with my mates and I went there primarily to get stoned, trip on shrooms, get fucked up on coke and E's and maybe a little sex. I have to stay though, G is right again, some of those girls are worth a million euro's.
    However, he might not, he may just be going out there for the drugs and the booze.
    We don't really know him so I can't say for certain, it all comes down to how well you really know him and whether you have complete trust in him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you trust him in one place then that surely doesn't change depending on geographical location. If he wants to pass up his relationship for a hand-job from some skanky hooker then he's clearly a retard and not worth the time of day.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi cari, i know how hard it must be for you to deal with this especially as you say you and your man have had a few problems, but i think two main things advised to you are indeed to keep yourself busy and to chat to your boyfriend properly about this before he goes. I am linking you to an article that talks about successfully keeping a relationship monogamous, in which you can share with your boyfriend.I hope this helps good luck :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you trust him in one place then that surely doesn't change depending on geographical location. If he wants to pass up his relationship for a hand-job from some skanky hooker then he's clearly a retard and not worth the time of day.



    Gotta be straight with you mate, I *had* to have a wonder round the red light district when I was there and I was utterly gob-smacked by the standard of some of the women 'on offer'.

    I'm not easily surprised, but I honestly had to re-evaluate my top 10 hottest women I'd ever seen! :eek: Just stunning. Still, not my bag, but I can't deny they were, in general, WAY above the standard of even what is supposed to be 'hot'.

    Also - If his lass is never to find out (as in, 'THE RULE'), I think many people will (and do) go for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    Why are you even questioning this?

    The direction of conversation piqued my curiousity. ... seeing as I'm not a cat, I don't expect to be killed either ;)






    Just reading back on this thread... I believe I may have let a secret out by disclosing the whole "What happens on tour, stays on tour" thing... It appears that some of the women-folk didn't know it existed. Hey - I know girls that live by it too, so don't take it too personally!! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be fair a lot of my mates live by 'the rule' so it is a pretty common thing.
    It all comes down to the state of your relationship at the end of the day, if hes cheated before then there probably is a chance he would again. Depends what sort of person he is really and how he was after he cheated last time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote: »
    To be fair a lot of my mates live by 'the rule' so it is a pretty common thing.

    Yer - I reckon most blokes live by it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »

    I'm not easily surprised, but I honestly had to re-evaluate my top 10 hottest women I'd ever seen! :eek: Just stunning. Still, not my bag, but I can't deny they were, in general, WAY above the standard of even what is supposed to be 'hot'.

    Tis true, although you do get some proper skanky one's. We were walkming through the red light district and heard a knocking on the window and someone shouting "OI VANKERS!" We turned round and there was this fat, wrinkly, scabby tarted up women who looked about 70 but wearing loads of make up, sitting on a stool with her legs wide open, smoking a cigarette and smacked up to her eyeballs (there were needles all over the floor by her stool).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel007 wrote: »
    Yer - I reckon most blokes live by it!

    Like women don't have that rule as well.

    Ok maybe it's just me then :chin:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pill 'ed wrote: »
    Tis true, although you do get some proper skanky one's. We were walkming through the red light district and heard a knocking on the window and someone shouting "OI VANKERS!" We turned round and there was this fat, wrinkly, scabby tarted up women who looked about 70 but wearing loads of make up, sitting on a stool with her legs wide open, smoking a cigarette and smacked up to her eyeballs (there were needles all over the floor by her stool).

    Yeah, there are definitely a few less than optimum ones around. I was told there's a 'fat' street too... :yuck:
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